Creative expression is one of the most effective forms of therapy. Some people choose to express themselves through painting or through music. My very favorite form of personal expression is poetry. There is something magical about taking a joyous moment and freezing it in time, or in taking something incredibly difficult and creating something beautiful from it. When we can release our emotions rather than bottling those feelings inside, we are much more capable of progressing with our healing. We can look back over the years and remember exactly how we felt at the time and see how much we have grown.
As a birth mother, I have experienced excitement, love, uncertainty, and devastating heartache. Every time, poetry has been there to help me sort through my feelings. If you are a birth mother, perhaps you have felt this way, too. If you are not a birth parent, then perhaps these poems will give you some insight into the heart and mind of a woman who chose a better life for her child.
I placed my birth son for adoption when I was only 14 years old. I had no idea what to expect. I felt scared and alone. Now, I am 36 years old with a family of my own. Not only has my writing skill grown over time, but I have experienced a great deal of personal growth as well. While I haven’t reunited with my birth son yet, I am hopeful that we will meet in the future. My love for him has never faltered. I think of him every day, and I know that he is living a wonderful life that has been filled with blessings. As a mother, that makes my heart smile.
Poetry for the Difficult Moments
It can be easy to bottle our pain inside. Facing our sadness and our uncertainty can be incredibly difficult. Through writing, I have been able to release the pain. I can put into words exactly what I’m feeling. My emotions flow from my soul through the pen and onto the paper. Sometimes, the words are beautiful; other times, they are a jumbled mess. Either way, they serve a purpose.
This is one of the first poems I wrote about my birth son. I was fourteen and newly pregnant. I was not on board with the adoption decision. I didn’t know anything about the adoption process. All I knew is that I was sad, and I was afraid. This poem showcases the doubts and the pain that a parent may feel when he or she isn’t fully committed to the adoption decision yet.
The Son I’ll Never Have
Sometimes in my dreams,
I think I see his face.
Blond hair and big blue eyes,
A pain that time cannot erase.
He’s supposed to be MY baby,
But I’m giving him away.
He’ll never even know me.
The tears fall every day.
I know it’s not my fault,
But I give myself the blame.
Sometimes I hate myself.
I feel so ashamed.
His daddy calls me crying
Because this hurts him, too.
I try to tell him it’s okay,
But I know that it’s not true.
I’ll only hold him once,
Then I’ll hate myself forever.
I’d give the whole world
Just so we could be together.
His father can never see him
And that just breaks my heart.
We love him so damn much.
It’s tearing us apart.
I hope that he’ll forgive me.
I hope one day he’ll find me.
Sometimes I can’t believe
Just how cruel this world can be.
Please know that we love you.
You are our pride and joy.
You’re in our hearts forever.
You’re our sweet baby boy.
After the adoption placement, there were nights I would lay awake with an empty ache in my soul. I knew that I had made the right decision for my child, but there was still a longing to be a “mom.” This poem was written in the first year after the adoption took place.
Blowing Kisses in the Breeze
I miss you.
There is so much I would say to you
If I only knew how.
I didn’t mean for things
To turn out the way they did,
But some things aren’t meant to be.
If it was up to me, I’d give you the world.
Steal the stars from the heavens,
Give you the most beautiful sunset.
All right here for you to hold.
But I see no need.
I see all of those things
Simply by looking in your eyes.
I am thinking of you always,
In my restless days,
and my sleepless nights.
I will blow a kiss in the breeze tonight
And hope it finds you…
Poems to Express a Mother’s Love
Adoption is a loving and selfless decision. So many people unfairly stereotype birth parents by saying that they must not have wanted their babies or didn’t try hard enough. In most cases, however, nothing could be further from the truth. The amount of love it takes to choose your child’s best interests over your own is admirable. It shows maturity, understanding, and a great deal of courage. It’s a personal sacrifice with only the best of intentions. Poetry can help to express a mother’s love for her child, whether she is raising him or not. It’s important to focus on the positive emotions–the joy of receiving photos or planning visits, the pride you feel when your birth child accomplishes a goal, and even admiration for yourself as you continue to grow into the person you were meant to be.
A Poem for My Babies
If I could dream a dream forever,
the morning far away,
I’d dream a place where hate is gone
and love is here to stay.
No war, no crime, no poverty,
no ignorance or greed-
A place where peace and harmony
are all we’d really need.
If I sent a wish up to the sky,
then surely it’d come true.
I’d wish and wish with all my might
for happiness for you.
If hope does spring eternal,
then it can never die.
I hope a smile will take the place
of any tears you cry.
If I sing a song right from my heart,
I’ll sing out strong and loud.
I’ll let you know you’re special.
You make your mama proud.
If I send a prayer to God above,
He’ll answer back for sure.
I pray He protects and guides you,
blessing you forever more.
I’ll dream, I’ll wish, I’ll hope, I’ll sing.
I’ll say my prayers for you.
And as you grow more every day,
may you do those things, too.
Seventeen
A mother’s love will persevere
Throughout all space and time.
It reaches to infinity-
Defying logic, reason, rhyme.
Another year has passed me by.
You’re seventeen years old.
Though I don’t “know” you in real life,
We are bonded in our souls.
Heartache replaced with prayerful hope.
Tears held back by smiles.
I send well wishes out to you.
They reach across the miles.
I try my best (and often fail)
To express myself in words.
As a child myself, I could not
Give you all that you deserved.
God blessed me with two angels.
You call them mom and dad.
I thank them for all they’ve given you,
For opportunities you’ve had.
Time moves on and it heals wounds
But the scars still hurt sometimes.
Through the darkness, there is light.
I hope you know how bright you shine.
Most people only get one set
Of family on this Earth.
You’ve been blessed with two-
One through adoption, one by birth.
If, by chance, the time should come
And we get to meet one day,
I can’t tell you I’ll be perfect.
I may not know just what to say.
There’s one bond that won’t be broken,
I promise here and now.
I will love you and be here for you
In every way that I know how.
My birthday wishes for you
Are great memories and laughter,
Faith, good friends, and happy times,
Today and ever after.
Poems about Uncertainty
In some adoptions, there are unanswered questions. Luckily, with open adoption becoming the norm, many of these questions are answered from the start. However, in adoptions that are fairly closed, the uncertainty can take a toll on everyone involved. There are moments I have asked myself whether my birth son will ever want to know me. I have wondered if he even knows about me. Knowing full well that he is well taken care of and living his best life doesn’t always squash the fears that sometimes surface. I remind myself that it’s okay to feel a wide range of emotions. By writing down my thoughts, I am able to feel and then let certain emotions go. It makes it easier to find clarity once my insecurities are out in the open. These poems can be difficult to read (and to write) because the emotions involved are difficult to feel and to process. Healing can be messy, but we have to face our feelings before we can ever truly reach acceptance. Remember that even in your fears and doubts, you are an amazing person who is worthy of every blessing that will no doubt come your way. And remember that these feelings won’t last forever. You will be so much stronger because you’ve faced it all head-on.
Double Sided Mirror
Like a double sided mirror,
I can see you. I can hear you.
You don’t know I’m here,
but I watch you as you grow.
Have you ever tried to find me?
Will you ever? Do you care?
Only time will tell. It’s up to God now.
I don’t know.
Letters, cards, and photographs,
Rarely videos.
A love so strong contained
By a mother you don’t know.
I stand in silence cheering
From somewhere behind the scenes.
Through a veil, behind a curtain,
My heart is breaking as it bleeds.
Reaching Back (Sad & Secret Thoughts of a Birth Mother)
I love you, but you don’t even know me.
Come to think of it, I don’t really “know” you, either.
All we have is this invisible bond.
Mother, son- but not really.
Tied together by birth, by blood,
But separated by life, by hardship.
You are almost fifteen years old and here I am
Holding back tears (and not very well).
My heart calls out for you.
Just like the day you left.
What do you know about me?
My name? My situation?
What do I know about you?
What you look like
Some vague hobby & interest details.
Somehow the time and the distance
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And the not knowing-
They don’t even matter.
But in other ways, they do.
They tear me apart behind an outward smile.
“The right decision.” That’s what I made.
Brave little girl. Selfless. Right?
In reality, I fought this. I hated it.
I was scared and alone and forcibly pushed.
Only years later can I see the good in my deeds.
Now that I know how amazing your parents are-
How rich and fulfilling your life is.
I would love to get a letter from you.
A card. A drawing to hang on my refrigerator.
But so far, nothing…
Is it because you have nothing to say to me?
Am I living in some fool’s dream
That one day you may hope to know me?
Do your parents limit your contact?
I can understand why they might,
And they have every right to.
Do you have any questions?
Are you angry?
Are you relieved?
What image do you have of your “birth mother”?
Or do you even think of me at all?
Another birthday is on its way.
Another week of torment
As I make my way through this time of year.
Just a few more days.
Just a few more years?
Who knows?
But here I am.
Reach out and you will find me
Reaching back.
Poetry about Dealing with Rude Comments
Many of us are blessed to have a healthy support system of friends and family who understand our decision to place our child for adoption. Unfortunately, there will always be those who are misinformed or undereducated about the immense love it takes to walk this path. Rude comments can knock the wind right out of you. It’s important to know that one person’s opinion does not define your reality. Birth mothers are strong and beautiful. We make the best decisions we know how. If you are taken aback by the insensitive comments of others, do your best to let it go. This is a poem about that type of situation.
How to Bend
You dismiss it like it’s something
That should not be talked about.
Truth is, it’s part of who I am.
I have to let it out.
You stand so high and mighty
Like I ought to be ashamed.
Put yourself in my shoes.
Tell me what you would have changed.
Before you try to sweep my story
Underneath the rug,
Why not listen to the whens and whys
And offer up a hug?
I am more than just a stupid
And selfish little girl.
I’ve been through more than most will see
In this ever changing world.
I stand strong where life has knocked me down.
My wounds will slowly mend.
While you may try to break me,
I have learned now how to bend.
Poems for Positivity
Sometimes, when we get weighed down with negative energy and emotion, we just need to focus on our blessings. There are aspects of our lives that we can’t control, moments we can’t change. What we do have control over is how we respond. That’s where our power is. Remember that even though life may have thrown us curves, we have the capability of moving forward with grace and with dignity. Find beauty in your story. It has made you who you are.
If I Could
If I could wish upon a star
And my dreams would all come true,
I’d wish and wish with all my might
That I could be with you.
If I could build a time machine
To take me through the years,
I’d go back to the day you were born
And kiss away your tears.
If I could be a billionaire
And buy up all the stores
I’d give you whatever you wanted
And then I’d give you more.
But if the stars all burn out
And my wishes don’t come true,
Then I’ll blow a thousand kisses
And hope they find their way to you.
If I never build a time machine
To take me to the past,
I’ll always keep my memories.
I know that they will last.
If I can’t be a billionaire
(And I probably never will),
I’ll keep you in my thoughts and prayers
And you know I’ll love you still.
Expressing Yourself
My hope in sharing these poems is that another birth mother will find understanding and know that she is not alone. I also hope that adoptive parents and people who have been adopted will understand the weight and the unconditional love that goes into making an adoption plan. Most of all, however, I hope that these words have encouraged you to find your own form of personal expression. Whether you write, create art, make music, dance, or find another form of expression completely, what matters is that you are effectively dealing with whatever life throws your way. Be proud of yourself. Acknowledge your accomplishments and growth. The light you shine may lead the way for others.
