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Prison for me is inside my mind
Being locked away to think I would surely go off the deep end
All that keeps me sane is my constant companionship
I don’t want to think
Everything makes perfect sense when I don’t
If I go too deeply into my soul will I ever come out?
Or will I just be trapped in there like so much else?
I am a child of shame
Whose shame?
Mine or hers?
Hers or His?
So many questions
Few answers
I have all the answers but am too afraid to seek them
The truth is scarier than the uncertainty
How can I ever truly know who I am until I know where I came from
If I know where I came from would I know where I am going
I doubt it, only God knows that and I am too frightened to ask
Opening Pandora’s box slowly
Will it hold pain or pleasure
Please someone answer
My emptiness increases with each second that ticks by
I am the only one that can stop it but I won’t
It is the only certainty in my life
Who am I to think I deserve happiness and fulfillment?
Am I just like the rest a hypocrite to the end?
Why do I think these things?
If God is love and love is God why are they both kept from me?
Like a tormentor with a piece of candy for a child
I long for them but only in accepting them can I truly be hurt.
Only in acceptance can I admit my denial
I have sinned or have I not
He has the answers but I didn’t listen to his whispers
I have a dream that God is calling me but I can’t understand him
Maybe it’s telling me I’m stupid and that the answers are in front of me if only I look
Maybe it’s saying that I am so far away I can’t see Him anymore
Maybe the sins of the past are visiting the present
Only questions no answers
No rest for the wicked and I truly am that
That is also a certainty
I have two paths one good, one evil
Which will I choose?
If pain and grief are my only friends will I miss them if they leave?
If I know only sorrow and strife can I truly appreciate happiness?
Or will I worry so much that my happiness cannot remain that I will push it away
The world is cruel to the weak and protects the strong
Where do I fit in?
Will anyone accept me if I show who I really am?
Or will they turn away in revulsion?
How can I be the real me if I don’t know who I am
Who has the answers?

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