Pregnant and Considering Adoption: Questions for Hopeful Adoptive Parents

If you are pregnant and/or considering placing your baby for adoption, you may have reservations about choosing the right family for your child. While some birth parents talk about the moment they just knew a family was the right fit, others prefer to approach the process differently. Remember, there is never an obligation to go through with an adoption once you’ve met a family. Until paperwork is signed after the birth of the child and the allotted time by the state has passed, you always have the option to change your mind before the adoption is finalized. 

With Adoption.com’s Parent Profiles, you may have the option to reach out directly to a family. You may also be able to work with your adoption agencies caseworker to contact a family you are wanting to learn more about. Some expectant parents or parents considering placing a child for adoption may choose to meet a family in person to discuss your adoption plans together. 

This first meeting may feel completely intimidating for everyone involved. An expectant parent considering adoption may feel apprehensive about opening up or attaching to a hopeful adoptive family at this point in the process. The hopeful adoptive parents may also feel self-conscious about how they may be perceived by an expectant parents. But often, both parties just want the other to feel comfortable in sharing honest adoption plans with one another. 

The following is a small collection of questions expectant parents may consider asking hopeful adoptive parents at a meeting or throughout the adoption process. Some of these questions could be more or less important, but they may spark other questions you may not have thought of yourself as you’ve been considering adoption. 

Introductions

• Where are you from?
• How did you meet? 
• When did you get married?
• How old are you?
• Do you have kids? 
• How did you decide adoption was something you wanted to do? 
• Did you go to school?
• What do you do for work? How many hours a week do you work?
• What are your family traditions? 
• What movies and books do you like? 
• What kind of music do you like?
• What kind of community do you live in? 
• Are you an introvert or an extrovert?

Family life

• Are you close to your family? 
• Do you live close to family?
• Do you visit family often? 
• Who is the first person you turn to when you have a problem?
• How do you and your spouse resolve conflict?
• Does one of you plan to stay home with the baby? If not what kind of care are you thinking?
• What are things you look forward to doing with your kids? 
• Do you have any pets?
• What are your political views? 
• Would you classify yourself as uptight or laid back?
• Do you think it’s important to eat dinner together as a family or do you prefer to let each family member eat when it’s convenient for them?
• Would you say you are lower, middle, or upper class? 

Spiritual Questions: 

• Do you attend church
• How does your spirituality affect your family dynamic?
• Do you pray as a family?
• How do you plan to introduce spirituality to your children?

Hospital Questions: 

• Do you plan on getting a hotel close by the hospital or a room in the hospital near mine? 
• Have you thought of baby names? 
• I want an open adoption, are you comfortable with that?
• Do you think it is important for children to receive vaccinations/immunizations?

Future questions: 

• When will you tell your child that he or she was adopted?
• Would you tell your children about his or her birth parents?
• How will you refer to me? By my first name, Aunt ______, etc?
• Can I send birthday and holiday gifts?
• What forms of communication would you be open to? Options include phone calls/texting, email, regular mail, social media, video chatting, and in-person visits

About Adoption in General

• Are you able to have biological children? 
• Why are you choosing to adopt?
• When and how do you intend to explain adoption to a child? 
• How will you refer to me when talking to the child? 

About the Extended Family

• Who are the planned godparents? 
• Who will get custody of the child if anything happens to you? Will those people follow our open adoption plan? 
• Do you plan on adopting again? Do you plan on this child having any siblings at all? If you already have adopted children, what are your relationships with their birth parents like? 
• What is your relationship with your parents like? What about the rest of your Immediate and extended family?

About Parenting

• What would you say is your parenting style? 
• What kind of discipline do you plan on using? 
• Are you planning on sending the child to public school, private school, or homeschooling? 

About Openness

• Do you plan on exchanging pictures and letters? take lots of pictures? 

Do you like to write letters? 

• How often will we connect and contact one another? 
• Do you want an truly open adoption, where we contact one another directly? Or are you thinking about a semi-open adoption? Are visits possible? How often? 
• Are there any reasons you would ever close the adoption? What are they? 

About the Home

• Do you own or rent your home? 
• What is your neighborhood like? 
• Do you see yourself living there in 5 years? 10 years? 
• Do you move a lot? 

About the Hopeful Adoptive Parents

• What kind of education do you have? 
• What do you do for work? 
• Will one parent stay home with the child? If so, for how long? If not, what are your childcare plans? 
• How long have you been married? Have either of you ever been married before? 
• Which holidays do you celebrate? Do you have any special traditions? 
• Would you be open to spending time around the holidays with me? 
• What religion are you? 
• How religious are you? 
• What kind of church do you go to? 
• What are your political views?

Always remmeber, your comfort and safety is a priority throughout this process. While the idea of choosing a family alone can be intimidating, we are here to help you every step of the way. If you are already working with a caseworker, be sure to voice your concerns to him or her about meeting a family. Ask them what to expect and how you can prepare so that the meeting can be most comfortable for you.