Pandora’s Box

Now that I've found my birth mom, it's time to look for my biological brother, who may not even know he's adopted.

Rebecca Tillou April 22, 2014
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I wanted to discuss my search techniques I am utilizing to look up my biological brother.

One of them is the site I used to try to find my birth mom. In searching for my birth brother, I was given the following information: he was born in Paterson, New Jersey; he was adopted through a private adoption; and he was born in 1970 in the summer months. I also know that he was adopted by a family with a last name that started with C.

So, using the site I used in the past, I went through the alphabet and put each letter down as a first name. I left the last name blank because it won’t take just the letter C, and then I put the city he was born in, the state, and I started with June of 1970 as the month and year. I wrote down every man with a last name that started with a C. I continued to do this with July and then with August. I was going to do 1971 and 1969, but the lady who disclosed I had a brother told me her 81-year-old mother is very with it, and believes the year was 1970.

I now have a list of about 30 men. Now the next step is still up in the air. I have to tread lightly. Unlike my birth mother, who knew she had a daughter, my brother may not even know he is adopted. If he does know, most likely he does not know he has a sister. When I searched for my birth mother, I was more forward in my approach of cold calling people and asking if they were my birth mom. I figured she knew she had a daughter, so I wouldn’t throw her for that much of a loop.

With my brother though, I could call people and say I am your sister… and it could throw him into a tailspin and end with me turning someone’s life upside down. My next plan, I think, is to utilize a social media site and see if I can find a male reflection of myself staring back at me.

I know myself very well.  I know that I will look up phone numbers for the names I have and make phone calls. I already have. I know I am not thinking this through the way I should. I am being selfish. I want answers. Again, like my husband told me, I need to take a step back, take it slowly, and take it one step at a time. Like my hairdresser said, I have opened Pandora’s Box. Well, here is to seeing what is in the box. There is no turning back now.

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Rebecca Tillou

Rebecca was adopted as an infant. She found her birth family in May of 2013 and continues to keep in touch with them. Sadly, her birth mother passed away in 1999. She and her husband live in New York and are the parents of two beautiful little boys, Dominic and Nicolas. They also have a German Shepherd mix named Chester. She was recently diagnosed with FASD at 34 years of age. She is currently working with and to get the word out that there is hope, and that you are never too old to better yourself.

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