Eric Long

This is a pretty tricky situation. I recently did 23 and Me and found my birth mother (September 2021). Her and I are VERY similar and we hit it off right away. In my case, I'm the one with the severe confidence/abandonment issues. The issues don't seem to really stem from anything, but the reactions you get from your half-sibling are similar to what I show when I'm feeling this way (although my episodes pass within hours). My situation is different for multiple reasons. First, my birth mother has all sorts of "mom" instincts with me, so she's willing to support through these issues. I'm also an active, open communicator, so we discuss these issues. Finally, I'm actively working on these issues. The point isn't to give you my life story, but to highlight that the effort is not yours to make to try to fix these issues. However, you could attempt to prompt discussion of her issues, and try to find ways to improve them, at least as they relate to your relationship with her. If you decide to do this, you should be prepared to potentially be a support structure for her with regard to these issues (up to you to decide how much energy/bandwidth you have for that). If you can get her confiding in you about how she is feeling without her feeling that she will be judged or shunned, you'll really have achieved something. If she can trust you to "know" her feelings and thought processes, perhaps she can begin to trust that you won't embody the fears that cause these feelings. I know this isn't really "advice" per se, but I do believe the only way to break through this is if you can get her to talk about it, otherwise her mind is going to create whatever narrative it creates by default, and with these types of issues, that narrative is always going to be that you hate her or have abandoned her, no matter what you do. Good luck. I hope this has a happy ending for you. I know what it's like to find people who are similar to you as an adoptee, and it's life changing.