Advertisements
Advertisements

June 15, 2019
[img]https://adoption.com/community/PF.Base/file/attachment/2019/06/07c8210bd2e2753ad55b414dd72fd3b3_view.jpeg[/img] We adopted our son in 2016. Prior to that, he’d been in 4 different foster placements. Prior to that, he’d been “in” 3 different families with different fathers and different half-siblings arriving. No wonder we haven’t gotten to know him well – he’s had to evolve a fractured sense of identity numerous times! Who he WAS, is no longer who is IS. So we’ve been wondering… who is this child? What could he become? What will he be like? Permanency Permits Personality I truly believe that the families and culture the we are surrounded by help to form our identities. Our value systems and behavioral norms, even our use of language is patterned after those we are around – especially in the early years. Even at this point, I wonder how much of “him” is actually part of us. …Although, I do appreciate having some other person to blame for a few of the choices he has made. Oh, how God works his wonders. Let the Shaping Begin! Within a month after placement, we told our (foster) son that we intended to become his forever family. (As long as that was something he also wanted and the courts allowed it.) We were cautious, but wanted him to know right away that we weren’t like the other homes – we weren’t going away. Something odd started to happen. Besides switching our names to “mom” and “dad,” he also switched his own name! This shocked the social workers and led us to conversations about his abnormal attachment issues. We never did anything about it. He tried variations of his birth name. For example: “Jack” became “Jake,” who then switched to “James” the next week, followed by “Lake.” This went on for about 3 months and 5 or 6 names. Every time he told us which name he wanted to test out, we agreed. We told him he could be anyone he wanted to be. (Though, socially, this was very awkward.) Once, at the pool, my son was up to no good and the lifeguards were trying to gain his attention. I yelled a series of names out across the water… one at a time, hoping he’d respond to something. “James, come here!” (Nope, didn’t work.) “Lake, it’s time to get out!” (No, nothing.) Ugh. I might as well jump in. For a long while, our child explored his gender identity. He dressed in female costumes, he put on make-up, dyed his hair, painted his nails, and more. Our adoption agency raised their eyebrows at us as if to say “Is this still the kid you want??” Once again, we did nothing about it and continued to tell him he could be whoever he wanted to be. We spent a few years exploring hobbies and sports. We tried karate, gymnastics/tumbling, swimming, bike riding, running… I put him in public speaking, art class, craft class, tried music… even had him audition for a play. We had no idea what he liked or wanted to do – and some part of me wondered if HE even knew? How many opportunities had he ever had before to try something new? I think it’s fair to say he had a mixture of an identity crisis… and an identity reformation. He took his time and explored everything we had to offer – including the most expensive science camps and multi-sport camps our community had to offer. Almost nothing was held back from him if he showed the slightest interest. Until… about 6 months ago. Our Son: Emerged Recently, our son has shown consistency in his preferences, consistency in his dreams for the future, consistency in his language use, dressing habits, and more. It took him a long while, but I think we are just now “getting to know” this kid. And, the best part is, I like him. I wish I could have had a time traveler visit me a few years ago and tell me that the insanity in my home would settle, and that this child would blossom into an intelligent, math-minded, detective-series reading, Boy Scout. Maybe that would have given me some hope? Still, my reaction has been “Wow.” Who could’ve known what an amazing kid he was to become? When these babes are placed in the right situation – in fertile soil – they grow! And I thank God that I’ve been able to witness this process and see how good His plans are for my family. God knew exactly what my son needed… and who. “Your eyes saw my unformed substance; in your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there was none of them.” (Psalms 139:16) - - - - - The author writes from an unabashed, had-it-up-to-here, daily defeated and re-strengthened by grace and hope… kind of place. An adoptive mother of a curious kiddo, full of spirit and sass, tells her tales of homeschooling, fostering, and raising children with special needs. Her writing has been published in Autism Parenting and Screamin'Mamas magazines, as well as on her blog at AdoptionToLife.com. She has also authored a non-fiction about parenting foster youth with extreme special needs which is awaiting publication.

Kate Llensey Gumaha
May 17, 2019
Good day Ma'am/Sir! I am Kate Llensey Gumaha, I live in the Philippines. When I was 5, my parents separated and I am left here in my grandma's house. Both of my parents don't have a stable job and they barely support me. My grandma is already old and it saddens me thinking about it, my grandma and I talked about adoption and she supported me since we can't deny the fact that there's no one else to lean on. I must say that I am really eager to finish school, I really need a family who would love me and support me. I would do my best to be a good daughter just please let me have this kind of opportunity to have a mom and dad. I have been through many circumstances like being molested and victim of violence but I remained strong but I don't want to be in this kind of situation anymore, I need to have a new life, please do help me. I need a family, a real one. I've been longing for the feeling of having my own dad and mom, I promise to be a good daughter. I love you Mom and Dad or to whoever would be willing to adopt me just message me: llensey.salonga@gmail.com Thank You!

Michelle MadridBranch
May 10, 2019
I openly welcome questions by individuals in our community of adoption and foster care who ask about my experiences as an international adoptee. Questions of how those experiences have formed my identity, directed my relationships, and shaped my view of the world around me. Recently, I was posed three meaningful questions to explore, which I will do in my next three blogposts. The first question is from Oleg Lougheed, international adoptee and founder of Overcoming Odds. Overcoming Odds is an organization that supports adoptees along the journey of healing and discovering how to use their story for bigger and bolder purpose. It’s been my honor, during the past few months, to speak at two Overcoming Odds events that took place in Los Angeles and San Diego. Oleg’s question is this: How have the feelings that you might have experienced as an adoptee (feeling rejection, not worthy of love) impacted your ability to see, trust, and find belonging? How have those impacted your identity? I have, as an adoptee, dealt with feelings of rejection and an over-arching belief that I was not worthy of love. Rejection can have that type of effect on a person. It strips you of a sense of dignity. It devalues. It shames. As for me, rejection and the abandonment that took place at the hands of my first parents left behind many wounds. Nothing seems safe when the people a child should be able to rely on the most—their parents—turn and walk away. No matter a parent’s reason or circumstance, the rejection—the leaving behind of a child—can cause lingering wounds. Everything—love, trust, relationships, family, friendships, the present, and the future—can seem uncertain in the child’s eyes. Read full blogpost here: https://michellemadridbranch.com/adoptees-and-the-journey-of-finding-belonging/ [img]https://adoption.com/community/PF.Base/file/attachment/2019/05/97f410400ca2f958c19c814e483c84e1_view.jpg[/img]

Michelle MadridBranch
May 2, 2019
I used to avoid talking about my adoption. It was the last thing I wanted to share. I'm not sure why because the fact that I was adopted was evident. People could clearly see that I was not biologically related to my family members. The fact that I didn't resemble anyone in my family was a painful truth. My being different, in that way, was embarrassing. It made me feel like I didn't belong. Like I couldn't ever really be included, or claimed. So very often, I wanted to hide. Hiding was safer than facing the questions that would surely be posed by others outside of my family. Hiding was safer than expressing my true feelings within my family and risking their disapproval. Even worse, their rejection. The wound was raw. I could feel it. Eating away at my joy. Sadness became a constant companion. I just didn't feel like I could be happy. I lived between two realities and I didn't know which me I could safely be: the first me before adoption, or the me I was now. The only identity I knew to offer was that of an adoptee. Adoptee. Yet, this was a word that made me mourn my life, for a time. It did. How can you celebrate living when a part of you feels dead? Banned from existence. Silenced. The title of adoptee meant someone or something had been lost. How do you celebrate loss? The label of adoptee seemed to prevent me from fully living. It segmented my emotions and my feelings. It drew a line that I couldn't step over. This word, this title, made me feel so small and discarded. Why couldn't I just rip it from my being and move forward? Free. Happy. Why was I forced to speak of my own abandonment as if it was conversation for someone else's entertainment or curiosity? I didn't want anyone's pity. I didn't want to be seen as someone whose first parents had left. I didn't want to nod my head in agreement at how good my adoptive parents were for saving me. That hurt. Time and time again, it left me in pieces. I wasn't charity. I was a child. I just wanted to be my mom and dad's kid. Their daughter. Their girl. Without any explanation of why or how. I just wanted to be. Read full blogpost, here: https://www.lifecoachmmb.com/new-blog/2019/4/23/adoptees-lets-get-to-the-wound [img]https://adoption.com/community/PF.Base/file/attachment/2019/05/11f0f0e3a9f233ed9c59d5a76fb70a0d_view.jpg[/img]

Michelle MadridBranch
April 24, 2019
I'm on Spring Break, in Mexico, with my family. We're in Cabo San Lucas. It's beautiful here. The weather is as close to perfect as it can be: 81 degrees with an ever-present light breeze. I'm told that, in a few short weeks, the heat and humidity kicks in and will linger through September. We've visited at an ideal time, before Spring moves into Summer. As an adoptee, it seems—for me—that there have been many changing seasons in my lifetime. Many transitions and shifts in the wind. The seasons of adoption—sometimes temperate and sometimes harsh—have, in the past, had control over my ability to experience a sustainable happiness. Something would be said, or not said. Someone would leave. Something within would be triggered. A calm season could quickly change into a turbulent one. I would tell myself that I'm worthy of love, but that voice would be quickly drowned out by a downpour of self-doubt. I could offer myself a pep talk that anything was achievable, but that language would be swept away and replaced by words that diminished my ability to see myself as capable of success. I would tell myself that I was chosen, but the primal voice whispered that I had been rejected and left. I would try and convince myself that it didn't matter that I was adopted. That it was better to avoid the questions looming in my head. Avoidance was hard, though. Adoption is an in-your-face reality. Read more: https://www.lifecoachmmb.com/new-blog/finding-sustaining-happiness-as-an-adoptee [img]https://adoption.com/community/PF.Base/file/attachment/2019/04/8393a3bacdad44075cb2808110d8cfe4_view.jpg[/img]

Laica Ayob
April 22, 2019
I am laica I lived in Philippines and I’m 15 years old I’m a dancer and that’s why my fathers hate me my family and i is complicated they really hate me and I don’t know why I didn’t even do something bad I am always at my room all the time just reading some books I really love reading books ,and whenever they call or they want something they always shout at me and even hurts you for no reason I’ve been a heart broke by my family they never care for me and I’ve never ever felt a love from them whenever I get sick they just gonna laugh at me and says , “aww look at you now your dying “ and just laugh again and I was hoping all the time that they would care for me someday but I was wrong my hopes are not gonna work because they throw me already and I’m alone right now ,and I’m totally fine without them ,. I’m looking for a parents to adopt me and feel what love is from a family, I want to start my new life with you and to be reborn again and feel what love is . If you are interested to adopt me just contact me laicamcquay7@gmail.com Have a good day

April 1, 2019
Hello there. I'm Danny .I'm 20 years old . I lost my family 4 years ago. I'm looking for a family that can adopt me. If you are interested My mail:aba430661@gmail.com my kik:M.Fevzi

Brian Moser
March 28, 2019
I am very open mined person And very passive and kind and very patience love to teach people now things I am single love to travel to different places in the U.S. Love to find a young Adult that would love to travel with me and learn new things long the way I love to camp going fishing horse back riding I even help out with A T.V. Show best of America by horseback and I want to share that with some one one day Love the outdoors. Live with my mom and dad because of their health. Am looking to Adopted a young man because I lot of them have been lost in the foster system or are living on the street and in shelters with no one to love them Some are gay and are not wanted by there real parents and they were toss out I do not care if you are gay not gay nor about your past. I have a big heart for everyone I do not care if you are black, white, Hispanic. or from other country I am here because I am 46 years old single and I want to Adopted someone that needs one on one person to love them as they are. And if that person needs guidance, structure. needs help or even self Discipline or just need some one to care for him.

March 18, 2019
Hi! Good day Ma'am/Sir! I am Kate Llensey Gumaha, I live in the Philippines. When I was 5, my parents separated and I am left here in my grandma's house. Both of my parents don't have a stable job and they barely support me. My grandma is already old and it saddens me thinking about it, my grandma and I talked about adoption and she supported me since we can't deny the fact that there's no one else to lean on. I must say that I am really eager to finish school, I really need a family who would love me and support me. I would do my best to be a good daughter just please let me have this kind of opportunity to have a mom and dad. I have been through many circumstances like being molested and victim of violence but I remained strong but I don't want to be in this kind of situation anymore, I need to have a new life, please do help me. I need a family, a real one. I've been longing for the feeling of having my own dad and mom, I promise to be a good daughter. I love you Mom and Dad or to whoever would be willing to adopt me just message me: llensey.salonga@gmail.com Thank You![img]https://adoption.com/community/PF.Base/file/attachment/2019/03/cfb9417f1c477e899b3e16f477625077_view.jpg[/img][img]https://adoption.com/community/PF.Base/file/attachment/2019/03/79ecb52fc5e025d4f42724ac365ab093_view.jpg[/img]

Menreet Gerges
March 17, 2019
I'm a 17 year old female , I'm a christian orthodox , I'm leaving with my family, I'm looking for a family who could love and support me . Ask me about anything you wanna know about me. My phone number is +201014821220 My email : menreetgerges@gmail.com[img]https://adoption.com/community/PF.Base/file/attachment/2019/03/c2d49155cddb148f5500cd74382f7bf4_view.jpg[/img]