Adoptions need to be done differently. Closed adoptions worked for 90 years, sure some people didn't like it. Now for the last 20 years it's been a trail to see if open adoptions work - sure they work for some people, but the majority dont work. What we are forgetting out of all this is the child. This Child is innocent and had no choice. The birth mother for whatever reason didn't want or could take care of the child and choose adoption - great now the child has two parents that love them. but now the birth-parent wants back in after all the screaming and pee and poo is done - sorry this is not a baby sitting service. These adoptive parents have paid $50, $100, $150k for this child so you really think they dont care for this child. They wanted a child bad enough that they gave up on a new car, new house, vacations, new shoes and allot of fun things to have this child. OK I know you are saying what do you know you just adopted a child - ok fair enough. But, I do understand as I was adopted as well. I understand confusion with the birth parents and hurt to the adoptive parents. So we really need to think what is best for the child. Is it open adoptions, sure those do work, but agencies shouldn't force people into that so they can make more money. Its greedy adoption agencies that profit in the end - that is it. Closed adoptions, they worked for 90 years, but not for everyone and than semi open, great alternative and gives you the right to close it. Or does it? There are laws in place that if a birthmother wants to they can get rights, if they can prove they are what is best for the child. So say this happens, the birth mother takes you to court you spend $$$ and the birth mother drags it out, is this what is in the best interest of the child? Who is being selfish here? if the birth mother really wanted what was best for the child than she would let them live there lives. So i know allot of people who dont understand adoption will have there say, but that is the issue. people dont understand adoption. Our society needs to be educated properly. I've head through out my left from people, family, and others many things and it hurts Oh your not blood, so your not really part of the family. Oh you are adopted that explains it, you not really part of the family, who are your real parents. All stupid questions. My parents are the ones that raised me and this is my family. You marry into a family, you arent blood, but you are apart of the family. The word Adoption needs to be looked at in a different way. Sorry just because we are adopted doesn't change who we are. So if you give up a child - let that child have the best life possible. If you adopt, give the child the best life possible and if you are adopted - live life to its best, care for the people who adoptive you as they are your parents. If you feel you need to find your roots feel free, but be-careful and go slow.
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I went looking for my birthmom in 2013, before my dad died. I found out her name in May, a month after he died, and I wasn't able to share that with him. We met later in 2013, and we looked everything alike. We talked the same, we joked the same, we even had similar glasses. We talked for about an hour and then we were done. We exchanged emails and after a week, they stopped. She had told me, "you can't scare me away that easy", but oh how easy it really was. So now, in 2016, I am emotionally stuck; I'm stuck on whether if she tried to attempt communication again, would I let her? She gave me a birth necklace when I was born and I don't feel like it belongs to me. I want to send it back, and I think that's a good idea...
Dear Mom of an Adopted Child, I met you in adoption education class. I met you at the agency. I met you at my son’s school. I met you online. I met you on purpose. I met you by accident. It doesn’t matter. The thing is, I knew you right away. I recognize the fierce determination. The grit. The fight. Because everything about what you have was a decision, and nothing about what you have was easy. You are the kind of woman who Makes.Things.Happen. After all, you made this happen, this family you have. Maybe you prayed for it. Maybe you had to convince a partner it was the right thing. Maybe you did it alone. Maybe people told you to just be happy with what you had before. Maybe someone told you it simply wasn’t in God’s plans for you to have a child, this child whose hair you now brush lightly from his face. Maybe someone warned you about what happened to their cousin’s neighbor’s friend. Maybe you ignored them. Maybe you planned for it for years. Maybe an opportunity dropped into your lap. Maybe you depleted your life savings for it. Maybe it was not your first choice. But maybe it was. Regardless, I know you. And I see how you hold on so tight. Sometimes too tight. Because that’s what we do, isn’t it? I know about all those books you read back then. The ones everyone reads about sleep patterns and cloth versus disposable, yes — but the extra ones, too. About dealing with attachment disorders, breast milk banks, babies born addicted to alcohol, cocaine, meth. About cognitive delays, language deficiencies. About counseling support services, tax and insurance issues, open adoption pros and cons, legal rights. I know about the fingerprinting, the background checks, the credit reports, the interviews, the references. I know about the classes — so many classes. I know the frustration of the never-ending paperwork. The hours of going over finances, of having garage sales and bake sales and whatever-it-takes sales to raise money to afford it all. I know how you never lost sight of what you wanted. I know about the match call, the soaring of everything inside you to cloud-height, even higher. And then the tucking of that away because, well, these things fall through, you know. Maybe you told your mother, a few close friends. Maybe you shouted it to the world. Maybe you allowed yourself to decorate a baby’s room, buy a car seat. Maybe you bought a soft blanket, just that one blanket, and held it to your cheek every night. I know about your home visits. I know about your knuckles, cracked and bleeding from cleaning every square inch of your home the night before. I know about you burning the coffee cake and trying to fix your mascara before the social worker rang the doorbell. And I know about the follow-up visits, when you hadn’t slept in three weeks because the baby had colic. I know how you wanted so badly to show that you had it all together, even though you were back to working more-than-full-time, maybe without maternity leave, without the family and casseroles and welcome-home balloons and plants. And I’ve seen you in foreign countries, strange lands, staying in dirty hotels, taking weeks away from work, struggling to understand what’s being promised and what’s not. Struggling to offer your love to a little one who is unsettled and afraid. Waiting, wishing, greeting, loving, flying, nesting, coming home. I’ve seen you down the street at the hospital when a baby was born, trying to figure out where you belong in the scene that’s emerging. I’ve seen your face as you hear a nurse whisper to the birthmother that she doesn’t have to go through with this. I’ve seen you trying so hard to give this birthmother all of your respect and patience and compassion in those moments — while you bite your lip and close your eyes, not knowing if she will change her mind, if this has all been a dream coming to an abrupt end in a sterile environment. Not knowing if this is your time. Not knowing so much. I’ve seen you look down into a newborn infant’s eyes, wondering if he’s really yours, wondering if you can quiet your mind and good sense long enough to give yourself over completely. And then, to have the child in your arms, at home, that first night. His little fingers curled around yours. His warm heart beating against yours. I know that bliss. The perfect, guarded, hopeful bliss. I also know about you on adoption day. The nerves that morning, the judge, the formality, the relief, the joy. The letting out of a breath maybe you didn’t even know you were holding for months. Months. I’ve seen you meet your child’s birthparents and grandparents weeks or years down the road. I’ve seen you share your child with strangers who have his nose, his smile ... people who love him because he’s one of them. I’ve seen you hold him in the evenings after those visits, when he’s shaken and confused and really just wants a stuffed animal and to rest his head on your shoulder. I’ve seen you worry when your child brings home a family tree project from school. Or a request to bring in photos of him and his dad, so that the class can compare traits that are passed down, like blue eyes or square chins. I know you worry, because you can protect your child from a lot of things — but you can’t protect him from being different in a world so intent on celebrating sameness. I’ve seen you at the doctor’s office, filling out medical histories, leaving blanks, question marks, hoping the little spaces don’t turn into big problems later on. I’ve seen you answer all of the tough questions, the questions that have to do with why, and love, and how much, and where, and who, and how come, mama? How come? I’ve seen you wonder how you’ll react the first time you hear the dreaded, “You’re not my real mom.” And I’ve seen you smile softly in the face of that question, remaining calm and loving, until you lock yourself in the bathroom and muffle your soft cries with the sound of the shower. I’ve seen you cringe just a little when someone says your child is lucky to have you. Because you know with all your being that it is the other way around. But most of all, I want you to know that I’ve seen you look into your child’s eyes. And while you will never see a reflection of your own eyes there, you see something that’s just as powerful: A reflection of your complete and unstoppable love for this person who grew in the midst of your tears and laughter — and whose loss would be like the loss of yourself. *** I wrote this piece after reading an essay by Lea Grover titled “Dear Less-Than-Perfect Mom.” The post by Lea was wonderful, and it made me think about us moms who found our sweet babies through adoption, and how we face unique challenges. I hope you enjoy it, whether you are the parent of an adopted child or not. This post originally appeared on http://www.kathylynnharris.com/dear-moms-of-adopted-children/. Follow Kathy Lynn Harris on Twitter: www.twitter.com/kathylynnharris
I have a question. My friend came over to the US from the Philippines with her newborn baby. She and the baby have been staying with me for a few weeks. Now she wants to leave the baby with me to adopt and her go back to the Philippines. I live in Illinois. She saids she can't finacially care for the child. I am already a foster parent with DCFS here. With hoping to adopt. But now she has thrown this wanting me to adopt her baby and she is wanting to leave asap, which means she won't be here when we would go to court. She has no physical address in the Philippines cause she lives here and there with different people. What should I do. I do want to adopt the child. But I don't want to have to deal with ICAB there in Philippines. Since the baby is already here in the US. She even has the babys birth certificate here with me. Can I just go through the courts here and do it without her. She saids she will sign what ever forms she needs to sign before she leaves.
[img]https://adoption.com/community/file/attachment/2016/10/b3499b7a28669c9426775de75381529e_view.jpg[/img] Adoption is as hard and complex as becoming a biological parent in most aspects, and several times harder in others. There are more people deciding to adopt today than ever, and want to provide love and care, and a wonderful home for the child they bring into their lives. As with the decision to become a biological parent, your decision to become an adoptive parent also should be arrived at after deliberation, thought and careful consideration. You cannot decide to have a baby just because it is the ‘time you did it’, your friends are getting pregnant or because you want to save a child from an unhappy life. There are stringent conditions, rules and regulations in place to qualify for adoption. They ensure that you are financially, mentally and psychologically ready to meet a baby’s needs. But home visits, adoption panels, health checkups and parenting scrutiny notwithstanding you should also honestly assess whether you are ready to adopt a child. Here are a few things you need to know if you are looking forward to bringing home an adopted baby. Parenting a child and raising him or her into healthy adulthood is not an easy task. It requires patience, understanding, resilience, self-belief, self-awareness, empathy and endless love. If you want to adopt a child in order to save a tender life from its current sufferings and provide a safer environment, then it may not yet be time for you to bring a new baby home. There are millions of suffering children in the world, including refugees, homeless and those from abusive circumstances. But your genuine need to solve their problems alone will not suffice in giving a child a happy home. Your noble intentions will not be enough to sustain you as a parent or as a family through the journey of parenthood. Adopt a baby when you want to have a child and complete your family, and when you are capable of staying invested in building a parent-child relationship. Do your research well and make an informed decision to be an adoptive parent. This is a hard decision to make and completely depends on the personal preferences and preparedness of the adoptive parents. Older children come into your home informed and aware. They typically have a history they know. They are also part of the decision making process and have decided to be a part of your family. Older children realize the need to build a home and will be willing to make an effort, or at least will be responsive to your love. You may feel that you missed out on the toddler and pre-school years but you still have a very impressionable young person to mold into a fabulous human being. You will have to help your child learn or re-learn things in his new home, and you will also be able to share common interests. If your child is in primary school, then playtime can be the best opportunity to bond. Invest in good quality toys and activities that allow you bond with your child. You can also avail online freebies and stock up on a variety of games your child is interested in. Be patient and an older child will be quick to pick up. In no time your bundle of joy will be calling you mom. Also, health issues and special needs are already evident in an older child and you are more equipped to deal with them With infants, you have a clean slate to begin with. You get a chance to grow up along with your little one, and build strong and early bonds. You will also get an opportunity to teach the baby habits and behaviors quite early on in life. One of the challenges of adopting an infant is that you may not have access to complete medical history. In some cases, disabilities or health issues may crop up as the child grows. Your parenting journey will be unique and special whether you adopt an older child or a baby. Each scenario has its own set of challenges and opportunities. You will naturally learn the ropes as you go along, and will be happy with the decision you have made. Ensure you take into consideration all factors including your age, financial capability and emotional maturity before deciding whether you would love to bring a newborn or a 13-year old into your life. Bringing your baby home is one of the most rewarding experiences of one’s life. If you have adopted a few-month old baby or a newborn, there are a few things you need to know. Just as with a biological newborn, your baby will also take time to get adjusted in the new home. Babies who are from orphanages will be used to sleeping in a room full of other kids. Similarly, in many care homes abroad, children are used to sharing their beds with adults. A beautifully-decorated nursery may not be calming enough for your little one. You may have to rock her to sleep or sleep beside her. Anxiety symptoms are more pronounced in children at night, and new parents will be in a continuous learning process as far as managing the sleep patterns of their new baby are concerned. Gradually with time, your baby will learn to relax and get used to sleeping independently. You will not be able to set parenting plan in stone while adopting a baby. As your child grows and needs and requirements evolve, you will have to adapt as a parent. Rebelliousness, anger, stubbornness, defiance, moodiness and temper tantrums are not unexpected in growing children. But you can expect age-appropriate behavioral challenges at a more intense level in adopted children who may be grappling with other demons as well. Realize that all psychological changes taking place in your tween are informed as well as punctuated by his adoption. He will take time to reach a stage where he can handle the fact that his ‘parents’ are not his ‘birth-parents’ with maturity, and till then you need to take it easy. Deal with your child as you would with your biological child. Do not let your judgment be clouded by the worry if the challenges are more extreme due to adoption. Adapting and mellowing your parenting style as your little one grows will help you gently steer your child in a desirable direction. Also keep in mind that difficult stages are part of normal child developmental patterns. There may be times when counseling can help, but otherwise patience is all that you need to see your child through. Counseling can be considered as a last resort where it comes after you have tried everything else. Love, compassion, empathy and care will help small children overcome anxiety. They will need your care throughout their lives and you as an adoptive parent needs to know that adoption is a life-long process. Gradually you will be able to help your precious child navigate all the complex feelings and emotions, and reach a more balanced stage of understanding and resilience. Give time to both of you to evolve and grow as a parent and as a child. Adoption is hard on all the parties involved. It takes time, effort and a big heart to work through the difficulties and soothe the aching hearts. Nobody is perfect and sometimes the system fails miserably for families and innocent children. Adoption is not for everyone and you need to have an open mind, thick skin and be willing to learn every day. But for all its drawbacks, adopting a child is worth any effort you make to ensure your union is a success. Image Source
we have a very cute little girl that we are looking into giving her for adoption to any loving and caring family who are unable to bear or conceive a child,,,please only christian families with love and attention should contact us at (330)775-7225
Stepparent adoption is a common form of adoption, where an adopting stepparent is willing to assume financial and legal responsibility of his/her spouse’s children, and release the noncustodial parent of parental responsibilities. The process has permanent legal consequences, and will be a huge psychological change for the child, the biological parent, and the adopting family. As the stepparent adoption procedure takes place among people who know each other, the court may forego the requirement of home visits and adoption hearings. This helps quicken the process, and makes it easier for the stepparent to receive consent from the noncustodial parent. Here are a few considerations to keep in mind before opting for stepparent adoption. [url=https://adoption.com/blogs/5270/adopting-a-child-5-mistakes-you-must-strictly-avoid/]Adoption[/url] will bring a major change in the lives of the child and the birth parent. After the formal process is over, a legal relationship begins to exist between the child and guardian. Now, the adoptee will be entitled as a legal heir of the adopter, among other permanent changes. It is, therefore, important to consult an adoption attorney and understand the legalities involved. While some federal laws do apply to adoption, states make their own adoption laws based on their statutes. An attorney can inform you about the state adoption laws and legal precedents that can help you with adoption. If your current spouse will be the stepparent, then the biological parent needs to be aware that the adoption will make your spouse the child's legal parent, and also responsible for all legal rights and responsibilities of parenthood. Additionally, the child will no longer hold claim to inheritance from the previous family. As part of the adoption procedure, you need to present certified copies of the child's birth certificate, documents of your marriage to the current spouse, and the birth parents’ divorce documents. If the biological parent is deceased, then a certified copy of the death certificate will be required, otherwise his/her service address needs to be presented. These documents will be handled by your attorney at the preliminary adoption hearing. Post-adoption, the adopting parent may hold a claim in the child’s property. Remember to document the details in the adoption petition, and present them during the hearing. The certificates can be related to Social Security payments, land or tangible property, and trust funds inherited by the child. During the preliminary court hearing, you will have to file a form that reflects the noncustodial parent’s consent for the adoption. If the parent has approved, then the hearing is not likely to face major difficulties. The consent form relieves the noncustodial parent from all further child support obligations. A situation may arise where the birth parent might not be willing to cooperate with the procedure. Parent’s consent is of utmost importance, and the lack of it can obstruct the procedure. If you are unable to locate the parent, then the court might permit you to publish a legal notice in a newspaper. If the other parent still does not respond, then the consent is nullified for the adoption. [url=http://www.dlgteam.com/]A child custody lawyer can help you[/url] devise a strategy to avoid a trial. The process of adoption is initiated with a Petition for Adoption filed by you and presented to the court. You need to state the elementary information regarding your identity and the reason for adoption, along with details of the child to be adopted. Certain counties and states may ask for a Supplemental Petition with additional details – such as employment, previous marriage(s), military service, and other children’s details. Based on the details shared with the court, the judge will announce a hearing date for the petition – you will need to attend. At the hearing, the judge will hear the case to question the parties involved. Make sure that you meet with your attorney to finalize the strategy for the hearing, and advise about how adoption hearings are conducted in courts. The hearing will conclude with the judge stating a date for the finalization of the adoption. At this stage, a social worker from the [url=https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Child_Protective_Services]Child Protective Service[/url] (CPS) will visit your home to conduct a home study to understand more about your family. The meeting is primarily conducted to help you prepare for adoption, evaluate the current capability, and the home environment of the prospective family. It is, therefore, important to understand the requirements of the evaluation process. There are multiple agencies that offer initial informational sessions or orientations to help you through the adoption process. During the meeting, the social worker can interview you several times to form a relationship with you and understand your family better. This will help him/her to assist you with the adoption. This is the final leg of the adoption procedure, where the judge will make his/her ruling on the adoption petition. If the judge is satisfied with the documents and the intent of adopting the child, then the ruling may be in your favor. The finalization hearing is attended by the adopting parents, the child, the adoption attorney, and the CPS social worker. The judge awards an adoption certificate issued by the court, which states that the adoptee is the legal child of the adopting parent. Once the adoption is finalized, you can apply for the amended birth certificate of the child to be issued. Stepparent adoption laws are formed with the view to provide the best home environment for adopted children. Although the parties involved are related, the procedure may get complicated at later stages. Hence, it is important to opt for legal aid and avoid potential challenges in court. This way, the court can ensure that the children enjoy good relationships with both parents. The above points will help you know more about the aspects that need to be taken care of when opting for stepparent adoption. ([url=https://pixabay.com/en/mother-daughter-family-park-child-1171569/"Image Credit[/url])
I'm a foster mom and was taking are of 3 children and I also have 2 children of my own which was 5 kids in total in my home and I'm also 8 months pregnant. I felt so overwhelmed that I wanted to turn in 2 Foster children and just stay with one but unfortunately my caseworker ended up taking all 3 of them. Now that they left my family are so devastated especially my son that has been crying non stop ever since they left. The foster children were living with me for a year and got taking away a day ago.My question is, even though I turned them in can I still try to talk to my caseworker to see if I can get them back? Or is it too late? And by the way they are up for adoption soon, so I also wanted to know if I can adopt them if I do get them back. I know I said it was very overwhelming for me but now im willing to deal with it and I also have a lot of support with my family..I just wanted to know if anyone can give me any information before I call my caseworker.
My name is Sheila Jo Brown I'm looking for my daughter born Jessie Ann Brown born on 1-26-85 She was born at Westland medical center in Wayne county Michigan. Her fathers name is Keith Jordan. Her grandmas name is Jessie Kay Ross. Jessie Ann Brown last known address was in Taylor Michigan she was adopted in 1993 she was 8 years old. If anyone can help I would really appreciate it. And thanks ! [img]https://adoption.com/community/file/attachment/2016/06/22e8498a62026d5b0b7c47ae73afc306_view.jpeg[/img]