Over 40 (and proud of it) but nervous, too!

You're on your way to parenthood!! Sounds to me like you will make great parents. In all my experience with children and their parents I have seen many many examples of "older parents" who have made wonderful, loving, devoted parents. I believe it stems from being more settled in life, and wiser. In my personal life I can honestly say that the older I get (I'm 41/ hubby 44) the better I am as a parent. I wish I had known back when I was 25 what I know now about parenting. My husbands brother was 42 his wife 40, when they gave birth to their first son. Because of their age they decided not to wait too long between children. My husband said that growning up he never would have thought his brother would make a good dad. He never expressed any interest in kids and was very self centered. Now, 3 boys later and age 47 he is a great dad. His sons are great little boys too! And, you can't tell at all that he is pushing 50, especially when he is on the floor rough housing with them!! So enjoy the journey of parenthood and remember you are only "as old" as you feel and act. God Bless Judilyn Mom to bio children Rikki 16, Will 13 and achild, Erin 8. And, still not 100 % sure that this will be all in our family.

Calif, I am an adoptee, but this reply doesn't have to do with ME, it has to do with my best friend, her husband and my God Daughter. My best friend and her husband adopted their daughter when she was two days old....my friend was 41 and her husband was 50. I think that the maturity level, and their "stage of life" has been a HUGE asset to my God Daughter. She is three now, and her self-esteem, vocabulary, compassion and development are far and away above that of other children her age. She has a grasp of things -- boundaries, rules, the way the "world" works.....which amaze me. This is because of the patience her parents have, and they manner in which they devote time to her. They've "been around the block" so to speak, so they have more insight, I think. It IS true what you say about grandparents, and the "older influence" in her life.....she's experienced a lot of "loss" in the last year, due to the ages of her parent's family, but even THAT can be looked upon as a positive, in the fact that she has no fear of death. She's been exposed to several funerals, just in the last few months, and she calls them "send off parties"! :D She reminds people with a lot of joy in her heart, at funerals, that "it's okay -- you will see them when it's your turn to get to go to Heaven!" She's brought more comfort to mourners than any other adult in the room! There ARE things involved in being an "older parent" that can be a challenge....but they are just a different "set" of challenges. You get some advantages that the "younger parents" don't have, and then there are things that they have that you don't. Energy would be one of those! LOL Now that Shaela is three, it's more apparent. Another is the adjustment to your lifestyle -- especially when you are used to your own routine (or lack there of), as you and your husband may be, since you have not had children previously. I think this has been harder on Shaela's daddy than it has been her mom. He is very used to being "on the go" and without a set schedule. He's more of a "night owl" and does a lot of his work and errand running later in the evening, as most folks do -- because it's the personal time available to them. Now that Shaela is in preschool, SHE has to have a set schedule -- therefore, the HOUSE has to adjust. She has to be up, bathed (long process), dressed (major ordeal since she's three and wants to pick out her own things and put them on herself) and fed (PICKY EATER) by a certain time in the morning, and she has to be at home in the evening, at a specific time, in order to get her wound down, in time for bed. Wind down time has to START about the time Dad is getting going -- so it's sort of been a rough adjustment to that part of their lifestyle. Another BIG adjustment was getting used to the fact that their home is no longer THEIRS.......it's a smaller home, and what was once a place of complete order -- a place for everything and everything in its place. NOW, every corner is filled with TOYS and GAMES -- big play kitchens and rocking horses -- balls and STUFF! Closets that once were theirs, are now packed with Shaela clothes and STUFF. Things that for all of their adult life were "okay" to be left on the dining room table are no longer totally safe there -- like checks and important documents. A two or three year old with access to a crayon can do more damage to a piece of paper in the two seconds that a back is turned, than I have ever seen! lol I think most of the challenge comes in the adjustments in the way things are "normally done", than in any other way. It's a whole new mindset and a whole new way of living. The "energy" thing can be overcome, and you may actually find yourself in better shape than you've ever been before, once you get used to it. I think all in all, if I were a birthmother, and was choosing adoptive parents for MY child, I would prefer the ones who are a little more seasoned. They pay offs, as I have seen them, are well-worth a few of the disadvantages. Hugs, Sally

Calif_Couple.... My wife and I adopted our grandson now 18 months old. We are both in our 50's. It's given me the boy I have never had. He is the joy of our life....We may not have as much stamina as we did 20 years ago with our daughter.But we would not trade the experience for anything!!! Nebraskans Over 50!!!

40+ old? lol.....yea, you might be more tired by the end of the day...but old? Nah!!!! alot of new parents are having children and their in their 40's. you should go out to a preschool kiddie softball game, and tell me the age of the kids parents? alot are in their late 30's and 40's. I wouldnt worry about it... we are both 43 yrs old, we adopted two boys...5 and 7 with special needs....god help us....id be lying to say it was easy..but thank god we are as old as we are, we probably couldnt handle them. being somewhat older, You come with more patience and more life experience.....what kid wouldnt want togrow up with parents like that. I will tell you, it aint easy to adopt two, it has its good points and bad. But i cant imagine not having them in my life today. the only suggestion i really have, is keep a sence of humor, without one, youll be lost....as for support...get it!!! you will need it!!!!! Dont count on family or friends (ours have been their for us) but the support they give us, is there own experience with their bio kids...its different. they do have support groups for adoptive parents. Plus, you will find, most parents arent young, their pretty much our age. Yea, youll get tired, but who wouldnt?...lol good luck...its worth it, go for it. dadfor2