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Hi, I was wondering if any birthmoms/birthparents who have done this before could let me know some of the key things they look for when selecting adoptive parents to raise their child. We have successfully adopted before, and now that we are on parentprofiles.com, we have noticed that many of our profile pages have been visited, but we haven't been contacted personally by any birthmoms. We were wondering if there is something wrong with our on-line profile or if we have any faux-pas in our "Dear Birthparent(s)" letter???
We have been selected 2x by birthmoms locally who have seen our paper-profile and have been interested in open adoption, but both times the birthmoms decided to keep the baby. We are happy for these families that they felt raising their own child was best for them. But, of course, we are wondering when it will be our time, and if our on-line profile is for some reason, not as appealing...
If anyone has any comments on it, it would be great to know.
Thanks.
Julie and Scott (and Griffin)
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For me there were so many prfiles. There is probably nothing wrong with yours.
It was just a feeling I got when I saw the right one. For me them incuding vacationpics of thier favorite hobby. I loved the outdoors, and it was very important part of their life. It wasn't just a picture. But they stressed how important the outdoors was for them. They also included information about extened family, even joking a bit about thier siblings.
I just really felt that their profile more than others, really reflected their personalities. They talked about their past, the present and their futures wants and dreams. Even the little things.
It shouldn't be about what they want to hear. It should be extension of you.
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Thank you for your reply! When we adopted Griffin we also felt like things were "meant to be" because they worked out so well and we are all so happy. I guess we just thought things would be "meant to be" with a second adoption a little sooner then they are going right now... thanks for your thoughts.
Take care..
Julie
P.S. it's very nice of you to help others with this experience after you've been through it yourself.
We were wondering if there are any Catholic Birthmoms out there that have successfully found an adoptive family through independent adoption or Catholic Community Services?
WE are in WA state and have chosen the independent adoption route (no agency, but a Specialized Adoption Attorney).
IF you are an adoptive Catholic family that have successfully adopted through either route - will you share your story with us?
Thanks
Ellen;)
I often wonder the same thing. I know I am waiting a relatively short time, but I can't help to wonder if I will ever be picked. I think after going through infertility and so many miscarriages, I kind of expect the worst. Some days I feel like we will never get picked. Basically our entire future is invested in our profile, but does the type of house, the physical characteristics of a family (weight, height, complexion) and occupations REALLY matter or will our family be viewed by the right person and they will know that we are THE family for their baby?:confused:
We are in this waiting process too. I keep thinking should we change something in our profile, etc.... I just received a phone call last week, and sent my profile, and worry now since we haven't heard back.
I would like to know the waiting process. Does it take a week, or so to wait for someone to decide. I keep trying to be hopeful, but then find myself down.
What are some experience different people have faced? I would like to hear more about this part of the process. A friend of mine said how ironic you hurry to get all your paperwork, and profile done, to then deal with the waiting factor.
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We are in this waiting process too. I keep thinking should we change something in our profile, etc.... I just received a phone call last week, and sent my profile, and worry now since we haven't heard back.
I would like to know the waiting process. Does it take a week, or so to wait for someone to decide. I keep trying to be hopeful, but then find myself down.
What are some experience different people have faced? I would like to hear more about this part of the process. A friend of mine said how ironic you hurry to get all your paperwork, and profile done, to then deal with the waiting factor.
I think that is something that we all have in common. I have written and rewritten my dear birthmother letter. I keep thinking that I must not have put something in our profile. We were with our last agency and I was so upset because we never even had a birthmom look at our profile album. I felt cheated. Here I had worked so hard on it. I put in hours and weeks going over pictures to make sure I had the right ones. My husband and I have been married for 21years and our albums is quit large compared to others because I figured after 21years and the fact we have to children that are 18 and 16 years old we had a lot to share. Then when the agency told us that they didn't feel they had any birthmom's who were interested in looking at us I was crushed. Fortunately for us God led us to the agency that we are with now. They are wonderful. They think our profile album is great and as soon as a birthmom looks at it they don't think we will have any problem being matched.
When I first responded to this e-mail, we were waiting with our agency. Now... we've decided to update our profile, and go with another facilitator. I am much happier with it. We've added more pictures, put in some letters of reference, and had some fun with it. I want it to totally be our personality, fun, loving, and creative. We've added picture of our nursey that both my husband and I have been working on. I hope that's okay.
I was told the other day that I was too kind, and if I wanted to have a child, to be more aggressive. So we've decided to put more effort into the process.
But.. I also feel that women seeking to place their child for adoption need some special kindness. They must be in a place where decision can change daily. So... I always want to be in a place of understanding too.
Hi Julie, Scott, and Griffen!
As a birthmom, I looked for couples in their profiles who didn't seem too poised. I wanted pictures of them naturally more than I wanted professional pictures.
I didn't want them shoving in my face all the wonderful things they could provide for my child that I couldn't... (IE: Our child will have his/her own room, college fund is already set up, two wonderful parents, etc) and other things like that.
I looked for couples who told me in the initial letter what type of openess and ongoing contact they wanted, why they had decided adoption, and what their plans were for future activities with a child. I wanted to know if they were stay at home parents, involved in any sports/organizations and so on.
If you'd like to PM me your profile address, I'd love to look at it and help if I can!
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I have only just begun this process, but the profiles that stand out for me are the marriages that emphasize faith, stability, commitment, citizenship, solid psychological grounding, and a positive outlook on life.
The description of the father as a positive male role model is particularly important. Men who teach Bible study classes or who can teach children (boys and girls) how to work in a woodshop are examples of my favorites. My family background happens to include a lot of postgraduate degrees, so I am also looking for a family that can keep a bright child stimulated intellectually within a structured environment.
I have not made a decision regarding adoption yet, these are just my two cents.
I think the important thing in each of our profiles is that they are Unique to us. And that they share who WE are. Not trying to be 'the' stereotypical type of person or family.
One comment was they looked for someone who enjoyed the outdoors, another strong faith, and intelligence. Yet another to be more relaxed and 'real'.
So, as you can see every individual has their own unique outlook. Enerad said 'I want it to be our personality'. Yup, that about sums it up...don't try to be something or someone you aren't.
Grins,
Stephanie
We feel that God is going to have the biggest role in matching us with a very special birthmother. We were hesitant to mention our strong faith in God too much in our portfolio because we were afraid of alienating a birthmother that did not either believe in God, or did not have a strong faith.
We feel so differently now, and we feel that our faith is a big part of who we are and we want to express that.
God Bless everyone here with whatever part of the journey they are on!!
Take Care,
Ellen