To publish or not to publish my story

'they just don't understand' There's your reason right there! To help 'people' to understand what it was like for you as a birth mother . . . what you went through . . . how you were treated, etc. I think it would help 'some' adoptees and 'some' adoptive parents see that you didn't JUST 'give birth' . . . that there is a 'real' life, a 'real' person that created this life (your bdaughter) and how it actually affected you from then on . . . that you didn't just 'go on with your life' or 'forget' (that one makes me laugh and cry ~ that anyone would actually believe that nonsense!). It would help some birth mothers realize that they are not alone and most will be able to relate to it . . . which can be very healing. Also, it might help other women (or 'girls') considering adoption to see the WHOLE picture and make a more 'informed' decision. Hope this helped. Good luck to you. ;)

Every time someone "normal" reveals that they're a birthmother, it has the potential to stop some of the stereotyping. If the wonderful mother of 5, or the school teacher, or the bioinformatics major who graduated 5th in her high school class (hehe, that's me) are birthmothers, maybe they aren't all __(insert derogatory description here)__. It could also help other birthmothers to feel that they aren't alone, and someone else understands what they're going through. Might help relatives or friends of birthmothers understand their feelings and actions a little better. Birthmoms have been ignored for a long time. I still see us ignored today. It's always good to keep reminding people that we exist.

I think that publishing your story is a way to say "Hey, look at me! I made this decision for my child, not for my own convienence! Birthmothers don't exist to provide babies to child-less couples! We ARE vital parts in our child/ren's lives!" I hope that one day I can find my voice as a birthmother and put my story into writing to share with the world. The world is still so uneducated about adoption (in general) and the more of us that set them straight, the harder it is going to be for them to ignore us any longer. good luck to you!

Thank you for your encouragement. I will think about these things. A few yrs. ago+ when I had finaly woke up and realized, "Hey, what in the world have I done!", I started looking for support. But this was in the yr. 1996 or 97, before the internet was popularized, before everyone had a computer in their home. This is when I thought *I* was the only one. I started looking for support, but found none. I called one adoption agency, the only one in my area that I heard had support for birthmothers. It was common to find dozens of support groups for post adoption parents, but none for birthmothers. So I called the one I heard about that hosted the *only* birthmother support group in the whole Dallas/Ft.Worth area *that I knew of*, and they weren't meeting until they had "enough birthmothers to attend". Then they started asking questions about the adoption and why I wanted to attend a support group. I ended up getting a little *hot* over the telephone mostly over the way birthmothers are handled and the way she was trying to succor me with all her mushy talk . This is when I first realized I needed to do something. I told the woman on the other end, "I'm going to do something, I'm going to write!" The woman seemed a little scared now and said, "Are you sure that's God's will?" ( This is the same line they used on me to convince me that I *needed * to give up my daughter.) "You need to find out God's will." " Would God want this child to grow up without a father?" ("well, no") "Then what would God's will be?" "Can you be both mother and father?" Oh boy! Here we go again. Why do these people always jump to the "God's will" language when trying to talk you into or out of something? But here we are in the year 2003, and the internet is everywhere. I'm thinking, "What would another book do that the internet isn't already doing?" I mean, I would have loved to have this resource when I was pregnant and alone. So I'm thinking, what good would a book do when we have it all right here? Would a book present things in a better way? Is there some special group of people out there I could reach/help? Yours, Rhonda birthmother to one mother to five others

Rhonda, Sorry your MIL is so unaccepting and unloving to you. I hope you have the support and love of her son and your children. I wonder if there is any hope for your relationship with her. In the meantime, keep writing. Try out bits and pieces on us, if you like. We are all ears. Of course you wouldn't want anyone to steal your story. I don't know how to handle that. Well maybe signing up for an English class at a local college or showing chapters to a trusted friend until you decide on an a publisher. By all means, WRITE!!!

By all means...share your story. I am from another side of the triad...as one placed for adoption but was never adopted. It presents a whole different side than yours as a birthmother. I think people need to understand birthmothers more than they currently do adn from what I have read of yur posts your story could go a long way in doing that. Writing one's story is not an easy process. Mine is now before a publisher but it was not an easy road getting to this point as I had to relive many of the pains my story caused me...but I have used it as a healing process for myself and hopefully others may be able to use it in the same manner. Peace...in whatever you decide! Larry~ [url]http://www.larrya.us[/url] Lost Son?... a bastard child's journey of Hope, Search, Discovery & Healing

After 7 years + of writing my manuscript I put the whole thing in the garbage. There were parts in it that would hurt one of my children and I wonder if writing down how I was treated by certain people would stop me from forgiving them. Or can I forgive them while I reiterate all the hatefulness that was said and done. If I relate how I was an outcast and a reject after the adoption. sometimes it is just so difficult to let go of the hurt, the anger, and the tears. Will writing it over help me? Will it help me after it is pubished? Will it help anyone who is suffering from such grief to pick up the pieces of her broken life and go on? Rhonda

One place that you can write it out is on this site. There are other bmothers who can support you. Sometimes writing it out can help us forgive what was said and done. Can you recognize what was said and done to you and let it go or will it just make you more bitter. For me, I just practice being as open as I can in my life today. (I have many confused parishioners.)