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We are going accross the country to visit our 4 month old sons birthmom next week, this is our first visit. So far, we have wriitten and sent photos 3 times, and spoken by phone once, plus met with her one time after he was born. She is such a fabulous and genuine person, but I just dont know her very well yet....we had two adoptions that didnt go through, where we were matched for a long while, and got to know the potential bmoms well. With our son, we were matched after his birth, and talked to her only 1 time before she selected us and we picked him up.
Anyway, I am sure the visit will go well, I think we all have so much respect and love for each other, and both want to become closer, so the baby can know both sides of his heritage.
My question is, I would like to bring her a special box, with some mementos in it, than she could add to the box through the years. I was thinking of putting in a little baby suit from his first weeks, an imprint of his hands and feet, more photos, and a videotape. I also bought a book called something like "a birthparents book of memories" it is a journal had questions about her and her life in it, that she would fill out for the baby to keep. Do you think that would be too pushy? I mean, I think, knowing her, she would like to do so, but I didnt want her to feel like i was giving her homework, or that i was saying that this would be the only way the baby would get to know her, becasue that is definately not our feeling! Has anyone else given a book like this to their child's birthparents? what was the response?
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As a bmom I think your ideas are wonderful. It sounds as if the bmom is open to receiving these precious gifts. Has a bmom of a closed adoption I wish like anything I could have had things like this!!!! My prayers are with you as you make the journey to visit her......may all go GREAT!!!!! Blessings to all of you!!!!
:D S Pete
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reebecca,
As I sat here reading your post, the tears flowed and I found myself crying like a baby.
How incredibly loving and thoughtful of you to be doing what you are. How I wish I had been so fortunate as a birthmom.
All of you will surely be a very blessed family, I don't think you can lose with your winning ways!
Love
Of course I am biased, but A Birthparent's Book of Memories is a great book to give. So many birthparents do not think they have anything to give their children. The book shows them that is a lot of information that only they know and only they can give.
The handprints and other ideas are great too....
I ordered it from adoptionshop.com. I think it will be neat, I just worried that maybe she would think that we were being nosy, or wonder why she needed to fill it out if we were going to have an ongoing relationship anyway. Like if the baby wanted to know about her life, wouldnt he just ask her?? But, I still think it would be neat for him to have, and you just never know what life will bring, so this way, he will always have it.
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hi reebecca, i figured that was you.
i have bought a paper mache box (you can get them at craft stores) and i decopaged (sp?) pictures of my son all over it and i am keeping things that i want to save for him when he gets older, like foot/hand prints at different ages, the socks he wore at the hosptial when he got ear tubes (silly, i know), ect. i attach a small piece of paper to the items so that he can see why i saved each thing. since i am a foster parent, i make one for every child to be returned with them if reunification occurs, since that did not happen this time, i am saving it for him. you have some great ideas, and i am sure she will love everything. i can't wait to hear about the visit.
I think all of your gift are nice. I will go and order that. We are adopting again and that will be one great gift to give our childs birthfamily.
That is so neat that you are going for a visit. We were able to meet my daughters birthmom before she gave birth. We went to CA and spent 4 days with her, her bestfriend, and mother. My daughters birthmom still hasn't seen what our daughter looks like and it's been 1 year. I send all pictures and letter to the grandma. Enjoy your time with her. Just let it flow and all will go well..
Take care,
Cathy
Maybe she really appreciated it but is just going through so much right now. I know with my daughters birthmom, she doesn't want anything to do with us right now. So I send everything to her mom. Each one deals with it differently. I would just keep sending her everything, and in time, she will be glad you sent them. I am one of those Amoms that will always send the stuff I promised and when she is ready to look at them, the stuff will be there for her. T never seen what the baby looked like when she gave birth. She has never seen a picture or letter that I have wrote. I do keep in contact over the phone with T's mom and that makes me happy knowing how T is doing. I'm told that she is going on with her life, but she has to be having it hard.:(
Take care and know you are one of the good amoms like me that care for our childrens birthfamily. They will appreciate in the long run that we didn't stop sending what they derserve..
Hugs,
Cathy
Her reservation might be due partly to her age. If she is a teen, she might be trying somewhat to be "normal" again, busy with school, and generally trying to get on with her life, as well as dealing with the emotions of the situation. I would continue to save items for her, let her know that you are doing so, and wait to see how she responds. Has she acknowledged the photos you have sent previously? If she is glad to have them, I would continue but hold off on other stuff.
God bless you for being so open to her. Julie
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i am so glad to hear the visit went well. i think if i were you, i would just say that you will be continueing to save momentos/pictures for her and ask her how often she would feel comfortable receiveing them, or if she would like you to store them until she is ready. that way she knows the door is always open to receive the items even if she is not ready at this point. i can't wait to hear more about the trip.
Those are wonderful and thoughtful ideas!! The birthparent's book of memories is a wonderful book. I also know of a birthmom giftbasket business as well - if you PM me "private message" I can share the link for future considerations.
I wish you well on your continued adoption journey!
Skye