Depression support forum for everyone

hi clara im glad you started this thread.im a sinlge mother of 3,two boys and a girl,and am 8 motnhs pregnant with my 4th and last child.ive been under a lot of pressure lately from people who want me to keep my baby.theres no way i can take care of four children by myself,im not working right now.besides,i want my daughter to have a mother and father,not just a mother.my kids father is dead.i dont want to give my lil girl up,but i dont have a choice,i cant afford to care for 4 kids by myself,so i asked my parents to adopt my daughter when shes born,and they agreed.i know theyll love her like shes thier own.it wasnt an easy decision,believe me/

bostonbabe, I think you are extremely brave and couragous and by asking your parents to adopt your baby is far from letting him/her or yourself down. You are very lucky to have such supportive parents and you will be very much a part of your child's life, which afterall is still the most important aspect of it all. No one is ever in a position of such perfection that they can judge why another person finds themselves in a particular predicament or faced with having to make certain choices. Your honesty will teach your children a great deal about integrity and selflessness. take heart in the knowledge that your child remains with you and that he/she will grow up knowing family. affectionately clara

Can someone in this thread help me??? My situation is posted in Single Parenting under "Can someone help me?"

Hello, June, 11, 04 I am glad to know that there is a support group for adoption related. I went into a pretty bad depression when I found out that my child was placed for adoption. It was so bad that I almost shot myself. There were about 5-6 police cars came to my place one night. One of them escorted me to a mental facility. I have regianed myself and got back on my feet. thanks for friends and family there were there for me. Everyday is one day closer to find my child. I am going to live as long as I could. I am not gonna die until I meet my biological daughter. Glad I have found this site. Hope I could be a help to some of you guys out there. We are in the same boat. Pat K

numbr1dbcksfan, I know exactly how you feel! I was diagnosed with clinical depression in 2001 & then it was determined to be bipolar disorder last year. It was so wonderful to find out that it wasn't "just me"; it was a chemical imbalance in my brain, and, yes, it IS genetic. Best of luck to you with your treatment.

Christine and Kashmir, I'm sure I was meant to read your posts here today. I have been fighting this label with myself for a long time. Tomorrow I am seeing a therapist who specializes in PTSD. I have no idea what is different about what she'll bring to the table, but at this point I'll try anything. There is depression in my family, but I never wanted to face up to it happening to me. Nobody else in my family has ever lost a child to adoption, thank goodness, and their issues seem so small compared to giving birth to a son and never knowing him, wondering if he is safe, healthy, happy, and if he just hates me for what I've done. I'm sure that it's not fair to measure my situation against theirs, but I can't help it. Stories about adoption on TV, events in my family, spark these enoromous feelings of loss and panic, and I really want to confront this now. My regular doc has prescribed a couple of antidepressants, and I really didn't want to get into that, but I have relented. It just feels like there is 200 lbs. on my chest and no matter what I do, I cannot get free of it. My son that I gave up for adoption is 19, and we are not yet reunited. I know that I have huge feelings of guilt, and unresolved family issues that will just stay unresolved (they pressured me to give him up and offered no help or option for me to keep him, major control issues over me, even though I was 19), and I just want to learn how to live with this. I want to be a great wife to my husband and a great mom to my other 2 kids, but for now this part of my life has a hold on me like never before. Thanks so much for listening. Everyone here is in my prayers. Peace, LeeAnn

Hi Christine, Thanks for your response. It's a struggle, isn't it? I know that without this forum and all these great people, including you of course, I'd be in a much tougher situation right now. I'd be feeling totally alone and isolated like I have the past 19 years, and I'm so thankful that I have this link where I can connect with my sisters in adoption. Everyone here from all sides of adoption has been so supportive and I feel so blessed. Here is the kicker. I'll bet you my left shoe that tomorrow this therapist tells me not to spend time here on this forum. One of my doctors told me that when I was posting to the 20/20 message board. Her advice I could understand, as I was always under attack at that message board, and constantly defending myself. That is actually when this resurfacing of panic and intense emotions began. This forum is totally different. I consider it, and all of you, my saving grace these past few months. I hope that I don't have to defend this tomorrow. Here I find the kind of healing that I don't think I could find anywhere else. Yes, it is a significant part of my day. However, losing my son is a significant event in my life, and my love for him has never wavered, and my feelings of loss have never decreased. I have just displaced the anger and grief and substituted it with work, and that is obviously not the way to go. This needs to be a part of my life. I need to give it the time it deserves, I need to deal with it. Hey, I think I could be my own therapist sometimes! Thanks again! Peace, LeeAnn

LeeAnn, I'm so glad you came here today & read this! It's so funny that I know exactly what my therapist would tell me, but just need to hear it from him for some reason. I'm real good at solving other people's problems, but when it comes to my own...well, that's another story! LOL! As far as support on Internet forums, I used to spend a LOT of time on a support board for bipolar disorder & my therapist ENCOURAGED it because it was so therapeutic. If you feel supported here, there is nothing wrong with it at all, IMHO. Christine, there are sooooo many different antidepressants out there, that if you need one, there is sure to be one out there that will work for you. I take a real heavy duty one (Effexor), which has some unpleasant side effects, but they are nothing compared to the crippling depression I suffer from. Antidepressants have, literally, saved my life. Obviously, they're not for everyone, so consult with your doctor/psychiatrist. Also, I know it can be hard to accept mood disorders, but ALWAYS remember that it is a physical condition that you have no control over, like diabetes or cancer, and it IS manageable. I applaud you both for trying to come to terms with your situations. I've never had to face having to place a child for adoption, & can't imagine the pain associated with that. My heart goes out to you two. Debbie

Hi Christine and Kashmir, Thank you so much for the words of encouragement and advice. I know I need to come to grips with accepting this depression, and to give it the credit it deserves, it is a physical health condition as much as a mental health condition. I just got back from my 1st appointment, and I think it went really well. She did want to adjust / change medication though, and I'm sure we'll have that worked out by the end of the week. After going through alot of questions and discussion, she did "classify" this as major depression with PTSD. I felt very comfortable letting her in on exactly what I went through and I'm sure that comfort level has to do with her approach as well as all the support I've gotten here. We went over the various message boards. She could clearly see the pain inflicted upon me in the time I spent on the 20/20 message board, and honestly she seemed shocked or surprised that fellow birthmothers would attack my point of view and be so vindictive. On the brightest note, though, I explained this forum as a place where I have people I identify with, who have supported me for many weeks, and who I feel very comfortable with. She was very positive about my time spent here, in short, she believes it is a good thing. I was so happy to hear that. I can't thank you guys enough. This is a little scary, but it's long overdue. I know that I have some work ahead of me, but I can also see the sunrise in the distance. Thank you so much, Peace, LeeAnn

Christine ((hugs)) - I agree with you. It's that depression that just seems to come out of nowhere that throws me for a loop. Sometimes it helps me to write down all my negative thoughts & then write down next to each why it isn't realistic. LeeAnn - YAY! It sounds like your appointment went great! As someone who's been through it, I can tell you that it DOES get better...hang in there! ((hugs)) Debbie