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Hello, I am new to this forum and we have a beutiful 4 1/2 month baby girl. We were blessed to get her at day one. Our birth mom isn't a member, but grew up with members so was impressed to place with our agency. We feel really blessed to have this special spirit in our home. We write our birthm faithfully, but she doesn't write back. Her mother does, and we met her also who is very sweet. It is easier to write to her because she writes back and excited to hear from us. I know our bmom is excited to recieve our letters but still is going through a difficult adjustment. She is older and new this is what she wanted to do. Plus she had another son by a previous marriage. The question is what to say to her in our letters. I don't want to make her feel bad how happy our daughter is and how well she is doing but at the same time I want her to know that and how much we love her and how well she is doing? Also, how much I should continue the writing since there isn't a time limit anymore and we didn't say how many letters to write or when to stop?
Any suggestions.
Thanks,
Njgustad
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I am a birth mother thourgh ldsfs as well my adoption is very open now after the six month we no longer went thorugh the agency and i get to see my son regulurly as often as I like... witch is not mcu for me right now but as he get older it will become easier for me!!!
I think you should keep doing what you are doing. don't be afriad to write her things. be veyr open and honest even thought adoptive mother are affraid that we are hurting to bad I still would raher get letters and honest feeling in them.
you are doing great keep it up and even though she does not write back at this time I know she realies on those letter to help her thorough this. ask her why she is not writing tell her how much you woud love to knwo what is going on!! don't be afraid to do this she will not get angry I promise and she will respond maybe not write away but she will....
good luck with things and hang in there.. most adoptive mother would not stay so faithful but I am personaly greatful to you that you are!!!!!!!!!!!
let me know if you need some one to talk to
KZacharyZ open adoption
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oh please keep writing to your child's birthmother. even though she doesn't write back those letters that you write could mean the world to the birthmom.
i'm a birthmom and for me it was very hard the first year to wirte the parents of my birthchild. but the parents were very good about writing me every month about my birthdaughter. the reason it was so hard for me to write because i felt like I did the same thing every day. I believe I only wrote three times in the first year. one around 5 or 6 months, the second at 10 or 11 months, and the third was on her first birthday. but now 2 and 1/2 year after the placement I wish almost every month or so that I could write them letters when ever I feel the need too.
brown eyes
Hi,
I would agree with what the other smart ladies have said, they give great advice! Do not give up, your letters could be what she needs most. I know it must be difficult to think of things to say, but just try to update her on what is going on and how the baby is doing and any progress she has made, like she is learning to tie her shoe or learning the ABCs and mention any funny things that she might do, like I thought LMNOP was all one letter in the alphabet when I was little because people say them so fast. Or tell her funny things she says, like instead of saying yellow, she says "lellow". Things that may seem meanial to you may be exctly what she is looking for. It is a way for her to connect with her without being there physically do it.
Keep up the good work! I am sure she appreciates it and the grandmother also!
Best wishes,
LBL:)
Hello,
I am a bmom, who at the time of placement was raising my son from a previous relationship. I was afraid at first of the contact, and how I would react if they contacted me. However, at about 6 months after placement, (she went home with her aparents at 2 days!)I felt ready to know how she and her new family was doing. Give her time, let her know that you appreciate her and would love to continue sharing information with her when she is ready. In the meantime, continue contact the grandmother. Don't give up, all situations are different. But I believe she will come around. The first few months I think are the hardest. God bless you, and congratulations on your new little one!! :)
I agree with the first post.....Just ASK....Ask the bgma, or the bmom.....Reassure them that you won't get offended and disappear. My bmom friend is terrified of what to say to the aparents for fear of what they'll think of her. I proof read her letters for the first few times and gave her my perspective and told her to just ask and they'll respond....she did , they did, and now the ice is broken and all is well. Clarifying and asking questions goes a long ways in eliminating fear and miscommunication. Re-iterate that whatever she says won't scare you away or make you think less of her. A lot of bmoms feel inferior and that is a big motivating factor in how the act/respond. Let her know that you couldn't love her any less...and by all means, keep the letters coming...don't just talk about the baby either, write about your life as a whole. Let her get to know you.
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to be honest, when i send my son's bgrandparents or his bmom letters, i never really expected a response, unless i absolutly needed one, like regarding visits. i think that we have so much to say becuse we all know we could talk about our children for hours, but on their end, they might not have a whole lot to say. maybe if you are keeping bfamily history for your child, you could ask questions about the bfamily that your daughter might be curious about in the years to come.