the family bed

Nancy, It has been and continues to be the most painful thing I have ever experienced in my life...but I have learned and grown SO much from my experience. Immediate counciling is the only reason that I can type these words today, for if it had not been for that I might not be here today. I am thrilled to see your post, because SIDS is real, and needs to be discussed....it is a mystery to most people, and the more education people can have, the better ways we can protect our children....So THANK YOU maddyboosmom

When the boys were really young and on a 3hour feeding schedule, we used to put them in bed with us before the first feeding of the day - we could usually get them back to sleep and get an extra hour of sleep ourselves. My hubby travels alot and sleeping with 2 babies is tricky (but can be done) so they have spent most of their time in their cribs. When they need the extra comfort though (particularly Andrew who is prone to ear infections) we do make exceptions. It's better for all of us to get the sleep we need.

i had just posted this question on it's own thread but maybe people here would have suggestions. thanks when i became a parent, i swore (which i am finding out you should never do when it comes to parenting) that i would never get into the habit of letting my children sleep with me. i got my son when he was 3 months old. he slept in his crib from the first night. he was very comfortable in his crib even up til his 2nd b-day. we unexpectantly became the foster family for his baby sister. so without any transition time my son was forced out of his crib into a toddler bed the day after he turned two. at the time we were living a very small house and the kids shared a room. tommy kept getting up and crying and waking up the baby. out of convenienc on my part i would let him sleep with me (mistake number one). when we moved, the kids had their own room but my son still got up and came in my bed. then he started refusing to sleep in his bed altogehther. i put a crib mattress on my floor and he slept there for awhile but still woke up several times. he sleeps more soundly and gets a better night sleep in my bed. i don't know how or if i should break the habit right now. he is 30months old. my question is how old is too old to co-sleep? (sorry so long

Hi, I think it's so important to be educated and flexible as a parent and to take cues from our kids as to what they need. When we are aware of issues and needs of children (and ourselves) and we get support and encouragement from others, we can make decisions that benefit the family. It does indeed take a community to raise a child. I am grateful to this online community which makes our communication so accessible. Thank you so much for your honesty and caring~ Nancy

I don't know that there is an age limit. I think that it is very natural for your son to react they way he did. He has had a major re-adjustment in his life with the new bady, sharing a room, then moving and having unfamiliar territory. I am definately not an expert, but in my opinion....I think that you should continue to try to coax him back into his bed, but at the same time, do not stress yourself to the point that you and he are both miserable. He will eventually go back to his bed. Trust me, there is no easy solution...I have tried the crib mattress in my room, I have tried new "COOL" bedding, stuffed animals, etc etc etc, but my child and I are still not there yet and she is 3 1/2 years old. I am definately ready to get her out, but this is what she is used to, and it will take time. I hope that it will be similiar to potty training....when you are about to give up, and have exhausted all options....magically they just do it on their own. maddyboosmom

With my first 3 kids, I was greatly influences by my Mom and the other "Moms" of her generation. Baby in crib, don't spoil them. feeding on schedule rather than demand, NO breastfeeding. I spent many many hours walking the floors with a distressed baby, as well as patting a baby in the crib as I was just about asleep on my feet. I learned, beyond a shadow of a doubt, what sleep depravation was! My husband was a fireman, so we were alone some nights, and I would sneak a baby in sometimes. I feel like those commercials..THEN I got luvs! LOL With my last 2 kids, I was older, wiser, and had acquired a new improved husband. I nursed, held my babies constantly, and slept with them. I never experienced sleep deprivation, had happy healthy babies, and learned just how soundly babies sleep. ;) I know different people have different boundaries. For me, I SO enjoyed the cuddle time with my kids. They are now 12 and 14 and almost ready to go to their own rooms! (just kidding) At about 3, they went on their own. Usually with a sib for awhile. That is the beauty of having 5 kids. They can cuddle like puppies! My kids are still VERY physically affectionate. The older 3 are a bit more standoffish, except with the younger 2. OK, that is my experience! Love, Debi

We put our son in our bed as a baby pretty much for the sleep factor. He had bad lungs and I couldn't sleep with him in another room. When we put his crib in our room I would wake up during the night to feed him a bottle and we both would fall back to sleep in hubby and I's bed. He's going to be five soon and he still sleeps with us often. The rule right now is he has to go to bed (and fall sleep) in his own room. But if he wakes up during the night he can come to ours. He's usually in our bed in the mornings four or five days a week. I enjoy the cuddle time though, so I don't mind, lol. My daughter D was too old (6) when she came here and A was too fragile. Now that A is less fragile and four she can't because she has no cause/effect thinking abilities and she would just roll right off the bed.

Debbie, you had me laughing out loud in the middle of the office! {wink, wink} We were at the same point, standing asleep leaning over the crib. Liam has been sleeping with us for the last 6 months. Our problem is 2 large girls, 7 cats and 1 whirling-dervish in a double bed!! Nobody is getting any sleep except the kid!! In order for at least one of us to get sleep we have been trading off sleeping with him in the den. Not the best solution... any ideas?

Oh my, a double bed? Dang! I DEFINITELY recommend a king size! And not one of those california kings...you only need that if someone is 6'3" or so....but the eastern king! You could all sleep comfortably, along with a few neighbors if need be! Love, Debi

Echaos...Deb's right, you do need a bigger bed :) You have a full bed there :) When we brought our daughter home she slept in the cradle next to our bed for the first 4 months. When she would wake up for her 4 a.m. feeding, I would then take her to our bed to sleep until the morning. She always seemed to sleep much better in our bed. Now that she is older, a whole 27 months, she is sleeping through the night in her crib. When she get's sick and is not feeling well, and wakes up crying, I bring her into our bed. I'm sure this is all gonna change when she is no longer in the crib. We had to put a crib tent on it to keep her safe because she was climbing out. I dread taking her out of the crib. How in the world do you keep them in their room? I love the cuddle with her, but I really do not get a good night sleep and my husband get's no sleep! I still feel like I sleep with one eye open to make sure I didn't roll over on her. :) Our two cats sleep in our bed too.

Great subject! I was told by many many well meaning family and friends that we should have our baby sleep in his/her crib in their room to avoid spoiling them and causing a bad habit. Since then I have been reading everything I can about adoption and attachment, and it would be a mistake for my husband and I to not try the family bed idea. Our baby will be 7 months to a little over a year old when we finally get him or her home, and they need to bond to us and know that we will always be there for them. We will be careful to safeguard the bed, keep pillows and blankets away from his/her little face etc. But I want to do everything I can to avoid any attachment disorders ... plus they will come from an orphanage where they share the room if not crib with several other warm little bodies. This is just my 2 cents! Thank you for sharing your stories as well, I wish you all the best:) ~ Taryn

Hey Taryn - My son came from an orphanage as well. He lived there 2 years. I was very concerned about attachment since he was very nearly 3 years old. On my pick up trip, I tried to lay in bed with him and pushed me away, very strongly I might add. When we got home, it was very important to me that he know HIS room, HIS bed, HIS toys. So, as the books say, I slept on the floor in his room next to his bed. If he woke, I was there to give immediate comfort. After being home about 4 or 5 weeks, he would get up and crawl down to the floor to snuggle with me and sleep the rest of the night on the floor. He came home in July, and I'm still on that floor. I moved to the living room couch (across from his room) for a couple nights, but he would come in at about 4:30 a.m. and take me by the hand to his room. Then he started getting up a couple times during the night (this never happened before) just to see it I was there. Truth be told, I missed listening to him breathing. After Christmas, I'm going to be firm about sleeping on the couch. He can do morning snuggles with me there. Then I'll move into my room. So, I say. We'll see how firm I am about sticking to my guns. This actually has worked well. He will say its bedtime and climb into his bed, hugs, kisses, lights out and I can leave him to sleep on his own. NAPTIME - another story altogether!

Hi, I'm so happy this topic is being discussed. It's a sensitive one. I support all of you, whichever decision you make, to share your bed or not. What is so beautiful if so hear parents who want the best for their children and are reading, discussing and trying different things, and being supportive to oneanother. Imagine if all people were so kind to oneanother ... there would be peace in the world. Wishing all of you sweet dreams and joyous holidays! NancyNic

My first one slept with me til he was 4, I was 17 and obviously single at the time so it was no problem for either of us. My second child didn't like sleepign with anyone she loved having a whole bed to herself even from birth on lol. My 3rd one I breastfed and on top of that she used the breast as a pacifier so I didn't have much choice there lol..she is 15 and still will get in bed with me to snuggle but quit actually sleeping with me every night by the time she was 3. My youngest he's adopted so at 6 weeks he slept with us because he knew something was dif just wasn't sure what. Then when he was 11 months he almost died so I was afraid to have him out of my site even in sleep. Well now he's 5 years old as of oct 23rd and still sleeps with us. I love it but at the same time we are ready to have our bed back. So sometimes I pull out a foam mattress and sleep on the floor by the bed. I've tried getting him to but he wants no part of it. He wants to sleep with me or my husband or my oldest daughter. We have tried dif things to encourage him to sleep in his own bed. We've even tried dif beds..toddler..twin ..dif blankets..same blankets..music, nightlights u name it. He's gotten bigger and I just don't sleep well anymore. Iget up in the mornings feeling like i was used as a ball in a baseball game my back hurts so bad. My husband and I haven't been able to snuggle in bed for the last 5 years and I miss that.Cause he has to sleep between us. Any suggestions? I am really thankful for this thread because i've been searching all over the net to find out answers to this question.

I think its very safe to sleep with infants....Its a very good discussion topic....