Adopting and already have one child

We have two sons, ages 7 and 4 and do not plan to take them w/us to Belarus. Several agencies have discouraged taking your children w/you b/c they are not allowed in court, and there is really no one over there to watch them. Plus, it's a rather difficult trip for youngsters and there's a lot of running around. Beth

Thanks for your response. What agency are you using? We're using Angeldance and Linda had told us it was not a good idea to bring our daughter. However, it will be difficult for us to leave her home and at five, I think this will be extremely difficult for her to cope with. What the folks who had taken their children with them told us is that it was a great experience for their children to see where the new baby was coming from and to bond with them. Some of them had 5 year olds. I didn't know about the court situation. Tisha

We also hope to use Angeldance. How long did it take for them to respond to you after you mailed your application? We mailed ours last Thursday. What age child do you want to adopt? Have you been satisfied with Angeldance? I know that SWAF totally discourages taking children. I understand about not wanting to leave your child, especially if the 10-day wait is imposed. That's one thing I don't like about the process. Beth

Well, I honestly can't remember! I don't think it was more than a week or so. Linda does most of the resonding herself - calling you and such, so if she is busy, it can take a bit. I've really liked working with them so far. We started working with them in the middle of Sept. We live in Ohio and have taken our Adoption classes and are beginning our home study on Monday. We have most of our paperwork done. I'm just feeling especially uneasy about leaving our daughter. I don't think it would be good for her emotionally. 9 days is a long time. When I began working with Linda she told me that noone working with her had ever been forced to wait the 10 days. I have not heard anything different from her as of yet. She knows a lot of people over there. Age of child - we're hoping for a girl up to 2 years old and we said we'd also consider a second child a boy up to 2 as well. If you want to email me in private to talk about this more, I'm a yahoo email user and i'm at tgbruemmer. I think we're not supposed to put our emails in here, but you should be able to figure it out from that. Tisha

We adopted a son (Nicholas) from Ukraine in 2-01, and a son (Daniel) from Belarus in 7-02. We left Nicholas with my wife's parents during the 8 day trip to Belarus. Nicholas was 23 months old at the time. He did fine. Actually, you will miss your child much more than the child will miss you. It would not be smart to take your child with you to complete your adoption, since the trip is long and tiring. You need to put your emotions aside, your child will be fine with grandparents or whoever can watch the child for the time you are gone. Leave your first child at home--this decision will be in the child's best interest. Taking your child along is actually selfish, as it is an effort to satisfy your interests.

Wow! You could perhaps use a few lessons in tact! Its nice to have an opinion, but to act like its the only right opinion is a bit self-richeous. You might want to loosen up a bit. We have decided not to take our daughter, however I will repeat that I know of other folks who have taken their child with them (about the same 5 year age as our daughter), and it was a wonderful experience for the child. When they are older, they much more appreciate how long you are gone. Children who are 23 months old can't appreciate that and wouldn't know what was going on. If Belarus were more open to our daughter going, we would definitely take her. Best of luck to everyone here who is in the process! Tisha

It is unfortunate that you elicit information, and then cannot accept said information without being critical of the perceived "tone" of the response. I stand by my response, as written, as it is factual and reflects our experience. Anyone who has been there knows that this is a tiring trip, given the traveling conditions, lack of sleep, and the general state of anxiety/stress which everyone experiences. You will be glad that your 5 year old is home in a restful, loving environment, and will be experiencing a regular pattern of sleep, play, and meals. Good luck!!!!!!!!!

Probably too late to be of help here but . . . We took our 2 daughters, ages 9 and 11 - and it was WONDERFUL. They WERE allowed in court, even testified in front of the judge. They were taken out of the court room for a brief time, and the social worker stayed with them while they did some homework. They learned so much, they bonded with our son, and they understand where he came from. He felt more secure having children around, since that is what he was used to. The trip is tiring, but it seems to be less so for kids - they can catch a quick nap in the van anytime while waiting, which is what you do a lot of! We were always safe with our driver and translator. I am SO glad we did NOT listen to the general advice to leave them home. One family asked us, "Which would be worse - to take them and regret it, or not to take them and wish they were there, sharing the experience?" That's what decided it for us. Our girls were 9 and 11 - I don't know how I would feel about a child under age 5, though. It's a very personal decision.