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Hi, I have a question for you bmom's. I have recently found my bdad and have only met with him once(last night). My bdad's wife gave(or had taken) her children away. I have talked briefly with her on the phone. My bdad tells me she wants to be a mommy(Mine!). I'm not exaclty comfortable with the idea but I do not want to hurt her either. I know in the upcoming weeks that I will meet her and I don't know what to say.
Also, how do I asure her that her children are Ok in their adoptive homes. Mine was not good to me.
I welcome all opinions.
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Kitty,
First, it's not your job to assure her of anything. Unless you adopted them, or knew who did, how could you be expected to?
It's nice that she is welcoming you open-hearted, many spouses don't. If she becomes overwhelming, just let her know (diplomatically) that you need some space to adjust to the situation. Who knows, maybe she thinks by "mothering" you she can make up for not being there for her own children.
I hope everything goes well for you in your reunion with bdad. It can be very stressful even in the best of situations. Patience and respect are key ingredients for success.
Trish
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My mother gave up 2 kids for adoption!
While mothering me and all my friends that were at the house if there was ever a child in need of assistance she ran to there rescue. My mother was a social worker and I guess it was the social worker in her and partially guilt for giving up 2 kids and trying to make up for giving up to kids. So she mothered everyone that came along and still does. I am 32 almost 33 and it drives me crazy sometimes. I know she does it out of love but I am a mom now to and part of being a mom is stepping back and letting a child mess up and being close enough to catch them if they fall. But still loving them when they do fall.
Its not your job to reassure her of anything. Your only job is to be a mother to your children and to not make the same mistakes that your A family made with you. If she is crossing the line tell her to back off. Its not wrong to set boundaries and expect people to respect them. It is wrong when people cross them and make you feel bad repeatedly.
God Bless and good luck.
Terri