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My fiancee and I are discussing adoption. He wants me to find out some information first. I am unable to have children due to something that happened to me as a child. Because of that, I do not communicate with any relatives. Will this be a factor in the process? What can I do to help the agency make there decision, yet protect myself from the people who mistreated me as a child? How can I make it sound like I am able to take care of myself now?
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Be honest with the social worker about why you don't maintain contact with your family, how you've grown and healed, and how you plan on handling this with your child.
Most agencies don't require you to have family references, though I've heard of some. All require you to write a history of yourself, generally using their guidelines.
HTH,
Regina, Amom to Ryan Joshua Thomas
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Social workers don't want children spending time with people who might abuse them. Whatever your family did to you, they might do again. Therefore, it sounds like it's better for your child (and you) that you have severed ties with them.
I noticed in my homestudy interview that the SW asked follow-up questions about certain areas. My guess is that she saw certain "red flags" in what I said, and asked questions until she saw that the issue was resolved. This story might be a red flag for your social worker, but keep in mind that her goal is to pass you unless she thinks you will abuse a child. As long as you can say that you have resolved the issue, it shouldn't be a problem.
Here are two things you might do:
1) If you have been in therapy, you could get a letter from your therapist saying that you have completed therapy and s/he thinks you would make a good parent.
2) If you have a friend that has known you a long time, you could get a letter from him or her saying that they knew you when and have seen you heal from the trauma and grow into a responsible adult.
Above all, DON'T LIE. Really, as long as you have dealt with this, there is no reason it should interfere with your adoption plans.
Best wishes,
Xanny
I haven't had contact with my parents in about 20 years childhood because of sexual abuse. I explained the reasons for this to the social worker and my therapist wrote a letter for me saying that I had therapy to address those issues so that they wouldn't interfere with my ability to parent.
Just be honest with the social workers. You dont have to contact your family for anything!!!!
most home studies do not require family references. You can get references from co-workers, friends, priests, doctors.
The worst that could happen, is that they would make you see a counselor to state that you are stable to raise children.
dont worry about it!!!! Just be honest.
good luck, the joy is in the journey
dadfor2