I need advice before he kills someone!

You cant control another persons actionsso I donŒt know what to say about that. Ya know, I was reading your post and I was thinking to myself, ya know, all my life I woulda given my left arm to be right where she isӅscrew my adoptive parents, they obviously didnt give me much thought during their episodes of abuse, why should I care what happens to them!?Ҕ but I know that isnt the ғcorrect way to think about things like this. IԒve never been in your placeso I may not be responding correctly, but maybe its time to leave the conversations about your childhood out of the reunion. Tell him bluntly that you canŒt trust him with the truth about your treatment as a child, so youd rather not discuss it. Maybe then, he will realize that all you really need now is some support, and to move past the abuse by not digging it up every time you speak. I think thatҒs probably what I would do faced with this same issue. Tell him you dont want to dwell on the bad parts of your life, youҒd rather move on and make new positive memories, and if he goes off and kills youre a-parents, it would be mighty hard to do between three inches of Plexiglas. You cant alter the past and make it better҅you can only change the future. I wish I had more to offerIŒm sorry I dont. I wish you all the luck in the world҅I used to wonder what I would do if I ever had to tell my birthparents about my abuse, would I share or just bury it deeperunfortunately, IŒll never know.

Thanks for replying. I just scares me to think I may have signed their death warrents. Ya know... I like your idea though and I will give it a try. I just hope my hubby can do the same(he wanted to kill them at first too). I really don't know how to respond to him when he starts talking about the "freaks"(aparents, my hubby calls them that and it stuck). Kitty

I know what your going thru with your husband, in fact the last time he saw them it was very hard for him not to reach outӔ to my a-dad. I think its important for him to know that any hurt he causes your adoptive parents now isnt going to heal the pain you have from the years of abuse. It will only cause more pain, because you will likely lose him to the justice system. IҒm sure he has good intentionshe just needs to see it from all sidesŅthis isnt a fight you can win with your fists, you can only win it with love and support. I think SharonҒs suggestion of counseling is a great idea. Im not sure where you are located, but maybe the area has a ғsurvivors of abuse support group you can all attend together. If not, maybe a one on one meeting with a counselor specializing in adoption and reunions could helpԅ Just remember, you may be the one that broke the news to your birthfather about all of this, but you are NOT to blame for thisyour adoptive parents put this all in motion years ago when the abuse started, so NEVER blame yourself. The abuse is the culprit!

any hurt he causes your adoptive parents now isnt going to heal the pain you have from the years of abuse. It will only cause more pain, because you will likely lose him This is exactly how I feel. Some days I think in the end the abuse won't matter...I think it over and other days/nights I can't go to sleep. I try to tell them "just let it go" and it will help me more but ya know... How do I go about finding a ғsurvivors of abuse support group ? I think it would help to go I just put it off while in the military for fear of getting kicked out. Kitty

Ack! No no no no! And a hundred more NO's while I'm at it! You wont be in trouble for talking about your past abuse with your chaplain or CO. They might be able to get you the help you need! Your Family Rediness Officer (Not sure what branch your in, thats what we call them in the Marine Corps) could also help you. What branch of the military? If you want to PM me your city and state, I can see what I can locate regarding support groups...

You misunderstood me. I am no longer in the military. I was scared to talk while I was in b/c they put me through alot of BS when I said it going in. I live in peoria Illinois now. Kitty

Forgot to ask. What is "PM"? I don't know most of the goofy little abreviations they use on the forum. Kitty

PM is Private Message :) But its ok! Ya know, I searched for resources in your area, and was surprised not to find even ONE in your area. I did find this [URL=http://www.morton709.org/mhs/html/counseling/Community%20Resources.htm]website[/URL] and it has a listing of a lot of services in your area. Maybe contact the United Way, and see if they can help. Another option, would be to contact the agency that placed you. They will have someone on staff that might be able to help you. Sorry I could be more help :(

Just being online is more help than you may know. I would love to go through the agency but believe it or not my adad's sister is a caseworker(not that she ever did anything to stop it). But I might give it a try anyway as I got married since I left them all. Kitty P.S. Checking out website you gave me.

you have many options as to how to let this play out in your life. If I were in your position I would step up to the aparents and tell them that what they did was hideous and immoral....feeding off of those that trust you most is as low as you can go if you ask me. Stand your ground and tell them that you have thought back on it and POLITELY and in a CALM MANNER express yourself....perhaps they have never had anyone tell them the way they behaved was not as a parent should. You can take control now though. You are an adult. You can leave it behind you after you clear your conscience and do constructive things to make sure no other adoptive children go through what you went through. Volunteer at organizations that raise money for children in troubled homes. Submit articles about your struggle through life and open other people's minds to the fact that there is abuse in adoptive households! Use your voice and the knowledge that you have gained throughout your life to speak up and make people aware of how they can help. Best of all, by using yourself constructively you will feel better and present yourself better and you will have the authority to tell others, no thanks, I took care of it the way I felt the best about and I am moving on with my life. Good luck with any constructive ideas you attempt! Dixie

For one, you can't control what another person does, but if you feel that someone's life is in danger, you need to report it. No matter what, they did KINDA raise you. I know that is hard to accept, especially since I was raised in an abusive enviroment, but if someone is going to "order" a hit on someone you should try and do the right thing. You chaplain cannot say anything, but if he/she feels that someone's life is in danger, they have an obligation to tell someone, if I am correct in what I have heard. Let me know if things get better.

Hi, Your an adult now, I know this is a difficut situation for you. It would be a difficult situation for anyone. What your adoptive family did to you was wrong and what your biological father wants to do to your adoptive family is wrong too. 2 wrongs never make a right. You have to be the adult here and stand up to all of them despite the abuse and say NO MORE. Just like we as America took a stand on Terrorism and said NO MORE! If you do nothing then you run the risk of loosing your adoptive family and your biological father too. Ask yourself if you can live with that on your conscience and then do what is right in your heart. What your Afather did to you physically has healed but the emotional scars will always be there otherwise you wouldn't have brought it up. In order for you to heal get some counseling. First things first, tell your birth father that despite what your adoptive father did to you they still raised you when he didn't. If he harms them then your relationship with him is over not to mention he will go back to jail and you will never see him again. I don't think he wants that. No birthparent likes to hear that there child was mistreated, by a family they thought would love and cherish you. Hope some of this helps, God bless and Good luck Terri