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Hi. I'm Ted, an Air Force Captain down here in sunny Florida. I'm single, never married, and the proud parent of a 15 year old kid named Mike. Mike was 8 when I first met him in Colorado in 1997 and, in fact, the more I think of it, I actually adopted him in March 1998. His father was gone before he was born; his mother was an alcoholic and substance auser. Not to mention a physical child abuser. Mike had been through 2 failed placements, one with family, the other not. Had lots of the problems that you read about with older children available for adoption, including reactive attachment disorder.
Over six years later, Mike is a totally normal kid in 9th grade, pulling all the normal stunts that teenage boys do. He informed me the other day that I was welcome to take him to his Halloween party, provide him with a bit of $$, and then take off (show up again at midnight, please).
Getting to this point was a lot of fun and also a labor of love. When I adopted him from the state of Colorado, this was a completely closed adoption. He wanted to see his cousin Dougie (now 16) so I decided to try the open route. Turned out great. Mom had so many issues that the extended family was willing to make sure she didn't have access to Mike in order for them to be able to visit. She got regular updates as I now know. She died last Christmas, and everything came out in her diary which her family let me see.
For those of you wanting to adopt, and I speak especially to single parents, there are so many challenges ahead of you. Let me tell you that the adoption process was the easiest of those challenges for me. If anybody wants some advice or help, please let me know. I would love to share and help you realize your dream as well.
Ted
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Ted, I would like to adopt a child from overseas, but I have two things working against me. I'm a single mother with one child already, and I'm in the military. Any advice that you could give me on where to start would be much appreciated! Where do I go for more information? (I'm stationed overseas for 5 more months, then moving back stateside - but would like to get the ball rolling before going back to the states, if possible.) Thank you!
Jennifer
jen@wildclover.org
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Ted,
I am pregnant again, this will be my third child. The father left for I raq, and I never heard from him again. Come to find out, he had been killed in the line of duty. What do I do? Do I keep the baby, and struggle with the two beautiful children that I already have? Causing us all to suffer; or do I give the baby to a wonderful loving couple. My heart points in the direction of adoption. For all of our sake. I just want what is best...any advice that you can give? I am looking for a military family to adopt, so that this baby will understand the great man that his/her father was. I am a Marine brat, very proud of my father...and I would love for my child to have the wonderful role models that I have had in my life, thanks to my Daddy being one of the Few...and one of the PROUD! :D Please reply soon...Ted, or whoever this concerns!
Tiffany
Tiffany,
I am so sorry to hear of your loss! Your dilemma is a very unique and difficult one. I pray that God will lead you to the right decision, and that He will be all the strength that you need to get through this. You can e-mail me at jen@wildclover.org if you would like to talk with me about this - I can try to help if I can, or just be a listening ear!
Love,
Jennifer
Tiffany,
I am also pregnant and wanting to put the baby up for adoption. And like you I have a child already when I found out I was pregnant I was 17 weeks already, both the birth father and I feel this is the best decision, it was a hard one to make but I'm giving a loving military family that unfoutunetly cannot have children a wonderful gift. I believe that is what God wants me to do. If you are still looking for a military family to adopt the baby try an adpotion agency in the area of a military base. They will have experience with military adoption which sometimes can be very hard for a military family to adopt.
Jennifer,
Have you thoght about the Chaplin's Office, Family Support Center, or even Family Advocacy's New Parent Support Program might help if you would like I can give you the name of an individual that is helping me with placing my child.
Good Luck to you both,
Danielle
That is wonderful of you Ted, it is good to see someone out there like you, and there were more men out there like you!
As for you Danielle and Tiffany, you both have wonderful ideas. There are several military families out there who want to have kids and can't. My husband and I (Navy family) have tried for three years and we have now turned to adoption. I wish we could find someone on our base, but we haven't. We plan on doing an int adoption if we don't find an adoptive mother within the next year. You ladies have made excellent mature decisions.
Jenny
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Tiffany,
I don't know if you have thought about this, but you could get social security for the baby if the father has died. I don't know if you were married or not, but if you were, you could apply to get financial aid from the military. I read somewhere that if the spouse was killed in the line of duty you can apply to recieve all or some of his paycheck until you are remarried. I read that it is very difficult because everyone gives you the runaround and not very many people know about it. We just recieved our Japanese son he is now 3 1/2 weeks old. I support your decision to place your baby, but wanted to let you know that you have other options.
Our adoption was extremely easy so far. We are stationed here in Japan and found a woman who was in her last trimester. She is a professional musician (harp player) This is her second son she has given up. From the time we found her from the time we had him in our home at 5 days old was only about 8 weeks.
But now everyone thinks that it is that easy to adopt. There is a couple at church (military)that after years of failed infertility treatments, they adopted their son and now have been trying to adopt through our church adoption agency for over two years. We had only started the process about 6 weeks before we came across our birthmother. Anyways, I can see that it is very hard for her to talk about it. She tears up just talking to me about it. We have had several people call us and ask us how to adopt so quickly. They don't understand that it is a difficult process to find a birthmother. We were just extremely lucky. My husbands cousin has suddenly had interest in us (after 5 years of trying to concieve the are thinking about adoption)
Tiffany or Danielle, if you would like to talk to an adoptive parent or just feel you need a little support, send me an e-mail. ingrum3@yahoo.com or PM me.
Ted
It takes a special father to adopt while he is single. Have you ever thought about adopting again? Congrats to you on a job well done and overcomming so many problems that cause most people to not want to adopt an older child. Being a parent isn't always fun, but it is always worth it. I am sure that your young man is proud to call you his father.
Lyndsi
Hey Ted! I'm similary to your situation. Single, nevery married; adopted my 12 year old son in 2000 when he was just turning 7. Never a moment of regret. Hard to even remember when I was "single". Probably have all the similar challenges you have; support systems, chilld car for late nights and early mornings, deployment backup plans, etc. With all the challenges, I wouldn't change a thing. Actually, I'm working on adopting #2 ()nut's ain't I....? :)
Good to know that the single adoptive father club in the AF is club of at least 2. Take care!
I am so sorry for your loss. I don't know what I would do if I were in your shoes, but I am glad that you are looking out for the children you already have. I think it is a very loving and caring thought for you to put the needs of your children ahead of what your heart might be saying. To want the best for your children, even if it means giving them up, is truly a testament to a loving mother. Should you wish to talk, please let me know.I will be praying for you!Lisa
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