don't most mothes who use drugs also use alcohol?

Here ya go [url]http://www.nofas.org[/url] Tammie

I also said I would not adopt an alcohol exposed child. As it turns out both my daughter's have FAS. I was scared and surprised when I found out. But I have been connected with excellent resources to teach me how to meet their needs. MY girls are doing great! There is a big range with fetal alcohol syndrome. I guess I just won't think you can ever rule out alcohol exposure with certainty. Even a casual drinker can have a child with FAE. I think you would reduce the chance of getting an alcohol exposed child by not taking drug exposed children. Just know that if you do adopt a child with fetal alcohol, there is a lot of hope!

Thank you for your comments. I defianately do no mean to imply that FAS kids are without hope. I just thought it was interesting that they usually focus on drug affected and alcohol affected sperately in our training anyway. The child we were unable to take was neither drug affected or FAS, but had multiple medical needs that we had not been made aware of. and were rather glossed over. We are open to special needs and drug affected children, we just want as much info as possible. I know often you just have to wait, so much varies from child to child, but when the agency does have the info I think it is very wrong not to be clear. Anyway I am going off topic here, just still feeling sad and frustrated about the whole thing.

I know what you mean. I had a little girl I wanted to adopt and had known for all her life. To make a long story short, I had fallen out of favor with the agency handling her case by advocating for the needs of another child in my home whose case the mishandled. They would not let me adopt her. When I saw the bio they put out on her, I was shocked to see that they didn't even hint at her special needs. Honesty and openness is essential if we want to see successful adoptions.

We have adopted two children who are not biologically related, both of whom were prenatally exposed to drugs and alcohol. One child has good documentation in their casefile about the alcohol exposure, the other does not. This makes a difference in two major areas: 1) knowing areas to explore if/when problems come up and 2) getting a definitive diagnosis. When we finally figured out that the child without sufficient documentation in his casefile was prenatally exposed to alcohol as well as methamphetamines, the children's hospital we went to would not consider any of the fetal alcohol spectrum disorders because of the lack of documentation. Every point I brought up they discounted...and I brought up several points. Nevertheless, we have chosen to proceed with a program that works with families who have children with FASD and are making progress. Our other child is younger and we are currently working on delays that are believed to be due to being heroin addicted at birth. (Please note that "addicted" is different than "exposed".) If at some point in the future we were to need to pursue a more definitive diagnosis we have a "better" chance of actually having a FASD diagnoses because of the documentation in his file. Both of the biological mothers were addicted to drugs; both of the mothers also drank. One mother used meth (can't remember if it was methadone or methamphetamines), marajuana, alcohol, cigarrettes, and heroin. Heroin was the major addictive substance that she used. The other biological mother was a methamphetamine addict who was also an alcoholic. Both biological mothers engaged in other risky behaviors, such as multiple sexual partners and/or sharing needles, etc. There are exceptions, of course, but personally I would strongly consider the possibility of a biological mother using both substances whenever you are reading a bio of a child born prenatally exposed to one or the other. They may not have used both...but it is all too possible. Many people use drugs and alcohol at least occaisionally if not habitually. Additionally, many drug and/or alcohol addicted mothers do not always accurately remember what they have consumed during the 9 months of pregnancy, especially since some drug or alcohol addicted bio moms don't recognize that they are pregnant until they are further along in the pregnancy. One myth regarding fetal alcohol problems is that only alcoholics have children with alcohol related neurodevelopmental disorders. The mother does NOT have to be a habitual alcoholic to have a child with alcohol impairment. Even if the mother only drank occasionally but in sufficient amounts to raise her blood alcohol levels, the child could have alcohol related neurdevelopmental disorder. Each woman metabolizes alcohol differently, so it can go through her system at a different rate than others, and will have a different effect on her system. Additionally, alcohol can remain in the uterus longer than in the mother's system. There are so many variables...even twins can have different levels of impairment. Now you can see why it is impossible to determine a safe amount of alcohol for pregnant woment to consume. Sorry! Once I get going I could go on and on...you can find all this out for yourself at some of the great web sites available regarding fetal alcohol. Hope some of this helped.

Barki, Thankyou so much! Your information is very helpful. We want to of course be prepared as possible, although as you know all to often records are missing, or the mothers may not remember, or tell the truth. I hope your children are doing wonderful. We are looking forward to a placement soon, and if they become available for adoption (which they usually do in our state) then we look forward to adopting.

"The mother does NOT have to be a habitual alcoholic to have a child with alcohol impairment. Even if the mother only drank occasionally but in sufficient amounts to raise her blood alcohol levels, the child could have alcohol related neurdevelopmental disorder. Each woman metabolizes alcohol differently, so it can go through her system at a different rate than others, and will have a different effect on her system. Additionally, alcohol can remain in the uterus longer than in the mother's system." ~ Barksum Assuming this information is accurate, isn't it a shame that some parenting magazines and even some obstetricians still recommend "an occasional glass of red wine" to pregnant women as a means of relaxing and easing the discomforts of pregnancy? This advice is obviously outdated and could be potentially very harmful to fetal development, and the next time I read it in a magazine, I intend to write the editor and complain. ~ Sharon

I lent my book to another mom, otherwise I'd give you some quotes. It's kind of disappointing that even tho the medical community has many years of published data regarding prenatal alcohol exposure and the ensuing complications for the child, most doctors don't talk with their pregnant patients about drinking, and many don't even know much about drinking and pregnancy at all -- other than "...it isn't a good idea...". Sadly, some doctors don't recognize anything except what used to be termed "full fetal alcohol syndrome", which is the child who has the flat upper lip, wide set eyes, etc. Finding information and help sometimes takes much searching and determination. New (relatively) research has shown that children without the tell-tale facial features can have the same amount of brain impairment as the child with FAS facial features. The research I've read said that the dysmorphic facial features only indicate that the mother had sufficient alcohol in her system to impair fetal development on the 18th (I think it's the 18th...) day after conception when the facial features are in the process of being formed. Here are a couple of web sites I've found interesting and useful: [url]http://www.fascets.org[/url] [url]http://www.mofas.org[/url] [url]http://www.come-over.to/FAS[/url] If you check out these sites, look at their "Links" and you can find tons of information.

You are very wise to try and avoid adopting a child who is FASD if it is possible. It is very difficult to parent children with FASD because many of them will never be truly independent. They will need an external brain to help and care for them all their lives. Naturally, these children reach a point in their lives when they no longer want to have someone else controlling them and they are unable to control their themselves, living with them is extremely difficult. If the child is more severely affected and has facial symptoms of FAS it is easier for other people to understand that the child has special needs. On the other hand if the child does not have any outward FAS features, the children and parents have an even more difficult time coping. So many people don't understand that these children can be just as brain damaged from fetal alcohol exposure that they don't get a diagnosis and are called lazy. The parents and children are told that if they would just try harder they could do the work and learn. It is not the case. Medication does not usually help and the lack of control and poor decision making skills leave these children very vulnerable their entire lives. Parents are told they are over protective because they know better then anyone that their child needs to have 24/7 supervision. It means no matter how old the child is they cannot be left home alone. That you can't trust them alone with other children because they can unintentionally hurt them. These children often end up in residential placements because of their uncontrollable rages. In my experience one of the most informative sites is [url]www.come-over.to/FAS.[/url] Don't anyone get me wrong, I am not saying the prognosis is always bad, some of the children do gain some degree of maturity but it is a tough row to hoe. I am the adoptive mother of a child with FASD.

Harrysgirl brings up many good points!!! Living with children who have FASD is often very difficult. I've even told a friend of ours who has children who have visually obvious mental retardation that in a sense I envy her. People look at her children and praise her excellent parenting of them because they have made incredible progress. (She IS an incredible parent, and her children have made INCREDIBLE progress.) People look at my children and SEE nothing wrong, so conclude that there must BE nothing wrong. I can talk about their issues until I'm blue in the face and people refuse to believe me, claiming I'm "looking for problems" where there aren't any. Some of our friends and acquaintences see the behavioral difficulties, but blame "bad" or "permissive" parenting. I want to scream, "EXCUSE ME?! Don't you see ALL that we do to maintain structure and order here?!!" Like Harrysgirl said, we sometimes have to literally be an external promptor to direct our son's brain into the correct channels. A year or so ago I was even been told that I "...just don't know what a real 4 year old boy is like...." -- whatever THAT means. My children are "real" for their ages, and really have issues. Some of the more pressing issues currently are: dysmaturity (socially and emotionally younger than their chronological age; for instance, our 5 year old is between age 3 and 4 emotionally.), sensory integration problems, extreme concrete thinking, inability to think flexibly with visual information (ie: every dot-to-dot picture is a complete surprise when he finishes because he can't extrapolate what connecting all the dots will look like until he actually does it), lack of impulse control, super duper low frustration tolerance level, and on and on and on. Consequences, natural and otherwise, often don't work at all because the child doesn't put cause and effect together. Finding effect ways to work with the child so that positive progress is made becomes an exploration in a new frontier. (Just call me Capt. Kirk! ROFL) Living with these issues on a daily basis can be very wearing. We've looked into several "new" areas of intervention. Meds often don't work well, so we've chosen to not go that route at this time. We are working with diet (Feingold Program) and we are working with an occupational therapist as well. We also homeschool and work within structured social gatherings to maintain order, routines, schedules and progress. One ray of hope that we do tend to cling to is that recently therapists have noted that some children with FASD do begin to mature and "level out" in their late twenties to early thirites. This is another reason we have chosen to continue to homeschool our children. We are better able to control the peer groups that our children associate with so that it is more appropriate for their emotional and social age level vs. their chronological age and keep them developmental-age appropriate in the activities they pursue. As you can see, lots goes in to working with children who have an invisible physcially handicapping condition. I believe that parents can do well with their FASD children, but they need to find encouraging professionals (if possible) and friends to help along the way. A new way of looking at the world becomes an essential tool in the parenting tool box and having others to bounce ideas off of and to brainstorm with becomes a lifesaver for the family.

All of your comments have been so helpful. So since many of you have been down this road.....What questions should we ask when offered placement of a child? What should be concerns? How much can they really tell if the child is still an infant?

When we finally figured out that the child without sufficient documentation in his casefile was prenatally exposed to alcohol as well as methamphetamines, the children's hospital we went to would not consider any of the fetal alcohol spectrum disorders because of the lack of documentation. Every point I brought up they discounted...and I brought up several points. Nevertheless, we have chosen to proceed with a program that works with families who have children with FASD and are making progress. hi, our son too had some documentation, but when we had him tested after he moved in with us, they would only tell us he is borderline. you can tell he has FAS, but we are having trouble getting someone to put it on paper. where did you turn to get a answer? thanks donna

You never really know what the birthmother has done. Unless the child tests positive for alcohol and/or other drugs at birth. You can have a genetic test done to see if the child has FAS. We're considering this for R as he has the facial features of FAS, thin upper lip and flat philtrum and head circumference below 5%. He also has SID, ADHD, functional developmental delays, expressive and receptive language disorder. At 4 yrs old he's a great little boy. I've been homeschooling him since June and he has learned a lot. He is also working with an OT and will start with a Speech therapist soon as well. He is learning very well and can now spell and write his name, can identify shapes and 10 letters of the alphabet, can write a few letters of the alphabet, can count to 12 and recognize a few of the numbers. He's also learning the letters the sounds make. I am amazed at all of the progress he is making. My life has completely changed and now revolves around teaching R as much as possible and getting through to him. Everyday I spend at least 4 hours working with him one on one. Our home is extremely structured and he knows the rules. He thrives with structure. It is a lot of work to raise a child with FAS and a huge sacrifice of time, but I feel like it's worth it if I can make a difference in his life. Which I know I have already. And R was just recently diagnosed with FAS, last month so we'd had him for 7 months and were a month away from adoption when the diagnosis occured. It was the biggest shock. Even bigger than finding out we couldn't have bio-children. Because here we'd fallen in love with little R and wanted to adopt him and there's a Dr. sitting accross the table from me telling me he's consistant with FAS. You really have to be dedicated to an FAS child and advocate for his/her needs. Homeschooling has been really great for R. -LeenaB

LeenaB, If I could find my dictionary, I would look it up, but....what is the philtrum? Thanks! Lynn

It's the little space between the upper lip and the bottom edge of the nose -with FAS it is flattened; no indentation.