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I did not realize you were the person here I didn't even know there was a psycologist here. I am in therapy now after a stay at the hospital and breakdown I had after my daughter died. However it is a slow process to start. I recently replied to my earlier thread. I was kinda harsh when I read pity and I did try to explain later. I have been through so much and family member thrive on pity adn I try really hard not to that is why I stuff everything. I just can't stuff it anymore. I am so open that I feel I should be honest with myself about my feelings. Posting has helped me so much with Madeline and my hopes are that I can get help with Nicholas too as it is definately needed. I really feel I have no one to talk to about that.
Anyhow could you please read my reply and reply to me again???
Thanks
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Hi, April. :)
I think you're right, I don't think there is a psychologist here. At least, I've never seen one posting.
I don't think your post (on your other thread) was harsh at all. I think the forum is a great place to vent and get things off your chest. It's been so helpful for me, and I hope it will be for you as well.
I also hope the adoptive parents in your situation will be caring, compassionate people and will change their minds. But if they don't, you have to be strong and survive anyway!
Forgive me if my response on your other thread sounded harsh. "Pity" is not a very nice word. "Sympathy" is better, and that's what I should have said, rather than pity. You cannot take it for granted that the aparents will sympathize with your plight. On the contrary, they may feel threatened by it. You just never can tell how people will react. Adoption is such an emotional issue for everyone involved.
I think you have every right to grieve your losses, and I also think you deserve respect for your incredible achievements in getting your life together (and helping your husband get his life together) and overcoming so much!
You certainly have my respect. :)
I still think the best way to approach the aparents is from this angle. Tell them, "Look, I'm not a teenage mother anymore, and the birthfather is no longer a drug user. Sometimes people make irresponsible choices when they are very young, but that's all behind us now. We're a responsible married couple who is focused on raising our children and contributing to society. We would like very much to have some form of contact with Nicholas. We feel it would be in all of our best interests, especially his."
And see what they have to say to that.
If they still won't allow contact... well, you did your best. When your son is eighteen, you can contact him personally and explain everything to him. Just rely on your husband and kids for support and stay strong. You've been through so much already. It sounds like you've had more sadness and misfortune than one woman should have to bear. I can only imagine how much you miss your dear Madeline, but if there's any justice in the universe, you will be with her again someday.
I'm glad to hear you're in therapy to work through some of these issues. I think if the adoptive parents will not allow you the comfort of at least some letters and pictures, they are simply cruel and selfish. But that's up to them. They will not always stand between you and Nicholas. Someday soon, Nicholas will be of age and you can contact him personally and tell him everything that's in your heart.
Best wishes to you, and I do hope you keep posting. I think you'll find a lot of understanding and support here; I know I have.
Best, ~ Sharon
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Thank you so much for replying so fast to me. I was so happy tosee your reply already. At first the pity thing hurt but it also opened up more of me to all of you which could only be benifecial for me I presume. I will get more help the more you know. I will continue to post and when I am ready I will contact her, probably by letter, but I don't know yet. I have so much to deal with right now I need to wait untill I have the stregnth. I am hoping to reach that by getting out my feelings here and talking with others who understand. Again thank you so much for your support. Oh yeah would you believe I have been through all this and I am only 25??? I am hoping the next 25 will be a bit more peaceful.
April
"Oh yeah would you believe I have been through all this and I am only 25??? I am hoping the next 25 will be a bit more peaceful." ~ April
Yeah, I believe it. ;) I'm only 29, and I've been through h*ll as well. Most of the time, I feel about eighty. :p
It's funny, there's this enormous discrepency between the way I look (like a teenager, basically) and the way I feel inside, because of the things I've been through. But that's probably for the best. If I looked on the outside the way I feel on the inside, people would probably go out of their way to avoid me.
Still, I feel like an "imposter-young person" sometimes, like this embittered old person inside a young person's body.
I too hope the next 25 years will be more peaceful, for you and me both!
~ Shar