Have lots of ??????'s

Where there's a will, there's a way! For every type of family situation, there is some agency somewhere that you can use. Although I admit I have no knowledge of the military aspect! Consider state adoptions? They are low cost or even free. The children are older but that means there is less of an age gap , If your child is 5 thats a pretty adaptable age. Consider a sibling group perhaps? Good Luck....let us know what you find/decide!

Where are you stationed? My husband and I are stationed in California and are going through the state. It is a very easy process and cost nothing.... The military does have a grant that you can apply for and get reimbursed up to 1500.00 . We decided to go through the state, we had a friend in Hawaii when we were stationed there who adopted. She introduced to state run adoptions... You call your local social service departmentand ask them when the next orientation metting is for adoption. If you get all your paper work in the process should go fairly quickly. Its best to start the process right when you arrive at a duty station, you have to be able to committ one year stabilization after the child is placed in your home.... They usually have a foster to adopt program were they place the child in your home as a foster child until the adoptin is finalized that way it limits transitions for the child... Sibling sets are in great demand... The state needs families who will take them and you can get an infant..... We are going for 0-3 yrs girl, 0-6 yrs either sex.... Mild to moderate conditions... Let me know where you are stationed and I can try to help you out as much as possible.. We are also E6, married 8 yrs, and I am 27, we have two biological boys ages 5 and soon to be 7. Best wishes to all......Good luck and email me anytime Crissy

Thank you for responding. We are stationed at Mayport FL. We will be here until sometime between May and September 2005, the reason I say sometime, is my daughter now in Kindergarten will be starting 2nd grade when we are ready to PCS and I would rather PCS before she starts that school year to make it easier on her. I would like to not wait too long for a baby, that way it is easier on my daughter. She saw me crying the other day and she said the sweetest thing to me that not many children even think of, she said mommy it'll be okay, I'll have lots of babies and give them to you. She has been my inspiration through this all. What consist of a home study and what types of things do they want to know about our family? Are there things that we should be doing to prepare for a positive home study? My husband is on sea duty but we aren't expecting him to be deployed again until around this time 2005. So we are hoping that is right. I have lots of questions about state run adoptions especially in this state, where every night there is a new story about abuse in the State DHS system. I do not want a child that, legally can't be given up so that the state turns around 6 months after we are adjusted and yanks them back out because of a paperwork screw up. I really haven't thought much about the sex, we have a girl so a boy would be a nice change, and the age I would say 0-3 years. That way my daughter still is the oldest and doesn't have to adjust to an older child. I am not sure how a sibling situation would work, I would rather have a child that could adjust to my daughter, instead of two or more already adjusted to each other. I guess there are still more things that I need to look into, just hoping that one day I will feel like my family is complete. My mother is supporting my decision but my husbands family is a little against it right now, they feel that it wouldn't be fair to my daughter to bring another child into our family, but in my opinion it isn't fair to my daughter not to experience being a sister. I am totally for open adoption, I would like to know the history of the child, and the child's family, that way I will better know how to deal with any problems that arise, but I do not know if I would feel comfortable with the family knowing exactly where we live, or where they can find the child at all times. I know there are different rules for everything, and I know several people who have given up children, not recently, but I am still on a look out. Thank you for the words of encouragement, they are needed here. I know a couple (officer) who just adopted a russian baby last month, but they said it was close to $36,000 all together, and that's just so much. So thank you for sending me some information. Sincerely, Kara

I believe things will happen for you and wish your family the best, you will have your baby in good time... Crissy PS one little note you select everything you want, if you want contact then put youare open, if you only want to send letters ect then say that if you want no contact say that... you decide what you will take on... Good luck

Thank you for your kind words. I've been looking through website after website and it only adds more questions. But I believe in time all answers will come, and hopefully our family will feel complete. Good luck with your waiting, I here that's the worst part after the papers have all been filed. Thank you, Kara

Hi Kara, You also e-mailed me & I sent you back some thoughts but I thought I'd share a few thoughts here. 1. DH was AD/USN E-6 when we adopted (now retired1!). We saved for a year before starting the process. It was acutally easier than we thought - we asked for contributions to our baby fund in lieu of gifts, had garage sales, etc. We have other military friends who've adopted as well, one E-7 and two E-6 families. DoD will reimburse up to $2000 of expenses after the adoption is final in addition to the $10K Federal Tax credit. 2. The reason why those $40K situations are advertised is BECAUSE they're so expensive that there are very few who can/will afford. They're the exception, not the rule. Most domestic situations involve costs less than $10K. They don't get advertised because they don't need to be to find connections. 3. One of the advantages of being military in a miltiary area (DH's ship was in Mayport, though we were stationed in Va Beach) is that there's a large transient population and as you're aware, amazing networks. Just by telling your friends & family and DH doing the same, the word passes a lot faster than you'd think. We had several of DH's colleagues approach him with potential situations, including one Senior Chief whose 16 YO daughter was pregnant - she ended up placing with one of our fellow support group members. HTH, hang in there, Regina, AMom to Ryan Joshua Thomas

I think it is wonderful how so many of us in the military are coming together. I hope everyone adoptions go by smoothly and that you build lasting and loving families... If anyone ever needs someone to lean on I will be here to listen.... Crissy

Hi Kara, My husband is in the Air Force and we are stationed in Utah. We have been married for almost ten years now and are unable to have children. We started the adoption journey last May right after we moved here and it has been a rough road so far. You said something in your post about your chances of adopting an infant since you already have a child. Well I think the answer to that is that it can go either way. I thought when we started this process that it would be a plus for us that we have no children. I soon found that we have been passed over because of that fact. We have had expectant mother's say they specifically want families who have children so their child will have siblings. We would love to have more than one child so it is not an issue for us but I guess for some they want to make sure. It is heartbreaking for us but we know one of these days the right match will come along. Regarding adoption through the state. I worked for Child Protective Services for over ten years in two different state systems...doing permanency planning, investigations, foster care, and adoption. There are pros and cons to working with the state. You are right there are horror stories but there are also horror stories in every profession. If you do not believe you can handle a situation where a child might be returned to their family of origin then you definitely do not want to go into a fost/adopt situation...meaning that one or both of the child's parents' rights are still intact. There are children who are legally free for adoption but generally those children are going to be older and have experienced some form of abuse and/or neglect and possibly several placements. You need to know though there is risk in every adoption situation though the level varies. When going the independent/private/agency/facilitator adoption route there are situations where you get matched with an expectant mother. You wait, provide support, get to know her, whatever then have that expectant mother decide to parent. In some states, the timeframe in which the birthmother can change her mind and decide to parent can be anywhere from 24 hours to 90 days. You could have that child in your home for a week and then have the birth mother call up and say she changed her mind. There is nothing you can do. I don't want to sound negative because I am really not. I just want you to read and educate yourself about adoption. I had no idea what I was getting into when we started this process. I only knew the risks involved in state adoptions. I had no clue about private/independent etc. I wish that I had taken the time to find this forum before we got started. We would have made some different decisions. We would still be adopting but would have been a lot smarter about our path! The risks with domestic adoption are very real and lead some to go with international adoption. There are risks there as well just different ones. In international adoption, the child is going to be older (at least 3 months old) and you take risks of dealing with bureaucracies that could close adoptions without warning. The child's health and medical history could be questionable or unknown. I have even heard of the child's age being wrong. I guess what I am trying to say is there are risks any way you go about it. It just depends on what level of risk you an your family are willing to accept. One more thing, an open adoption means that everything is open. Meaning visits, phone calls, in addition to letters and pictures. A semi-open adoption would be limited to only letters and pictures. Closed means no contact. Educate yourself on what open adoption means because I think you will find that it is most often the healthiest option for your child. It may be difficult in the beginning but in the long run your child will reap the benefits. I wish you the very best and hope that I did not seem discouraging. That was not my intent in any way. I just wish that we had educated ourselves more in the beginning. We would have been smarter with our money. :) Take care! Cricket

Another point on the $2,000 reiumbursement that is per adoption not to exceed $5,000 in a calender year. So, if you adopt twins (2 adoptions) you are reiumbursed $4,000 but if you adopt triplets (3 adoptions) you would be reiumbursed $5,000. Keep your receipts! The military reiumbursement (as I understand it) if for legal "stuff" only - attorney fees, homestudy fees, etc. We are a Coast Guard family currently (and hopefully permanently) in Virginia.