Jewish Foster Child

And, your post points out that it also must be very weird for Jewish kids who are in a Christian foster home! I'm glad you found each other. Yael

My husband and I are waiting to adopt in Colorado Springs. From your user id, it appears you may be Denver and very close to us. Is your foster angel available for adoption to a good Jewish Home?

Hi Howdy: May be I missed it, but I didn't find where (what country) your daughter was adopted from. We are Jewish adoptive parents, and our girl is 6 y.o from Kazakhstan - not Jewish. We are not religious people and we don't keep Kosher, and don't celebrate Shabbat. But we are very Jewish in heart. What I find interesting is that our daughter loves Israeli music, including National Anthem. She often ask me to put Israeli tape, not realizing it. She does not in any way realize we are different religion from her. I am not sure if it's appropriate time to introduce her to different religion, but it looks like it's not going to be a big problem for us.

onehappymom, My daughter isn't adopted yet, she is a American foster child who may become adoptable and therefore is classed as a 'legal risk adoption'. I wish my girl liked Israeli or Jewish music, my last foster child was very Christian, but she loved Jewish music, in particular the soulful emotional songs. She didn't understand any of the words but 'knew what they meant'. (Whereas even when I know a Hebrew word, if it sounds like AwFul Pee or EliteSewer it makes me smile.) But my current kid, although willing to identify as Jewish (but not to her classmates because she doesn't want to be different than them), so far doesn't like Jewish music. She came with an established liking for entirely inappropriate music. I didn't realize how inappropriate it was until she was performing for a coworker and telling him what her favorite stations were, and he was shocked and told me about Disney station, so now she's restricted to Disney and kid CDs. Aren't you going to have your daughter converted? I plan to get mine converted if I get to adopt her (although she considers herself Jewish, technically she is not, because only her birthfather is). adoptincolorado -- sorry I never responded, your use of the word 'angel' in regards to my fd kept me alternating between laughing too much to type and having to delete anything I wrote because it sounded too loshen-hara-ish. Angel! LOL -- that is too funny (you might need to meet the kid to understand how humorous! but she is adorable too).

You know, I have read a great deal of discussion on this list about "converting my kids" and my wife and I have discussed this a great deal. She is a convert herself and one of the things that we feel is that it is important that our children choose Judaism. Our Rabbi is of the "raise them Jewish and the B'nai Mitzvah will count as the conversion" school. We plan to add the mikvah at that time. Then children will be old enough to say the words themselves and to make some sort of choice in the matter. I think if we adopt an infant we will still go this route and not have him or her converted. We will wait until the teenage years (or later as I had my Bat Mitvah at 26). Is there anyone else who feels this way?

From what I've read on these boards, an adopted child that is converted can 'unconvert' at 12/13 yrs old. I'd think the child's identity would be simplified by being converted as a child, so they are Jewish just like their family, and then if they really don't like it they can change their mind at 12/13 (and presumably change their mind the other way when they are grown up and convert back if they want). I don't know if that is really how it works, but I suppose the posters here are correct, I had a friend in high school whose mother converted when my friend was 5 yrs old, and she said she had to go before some rabbis when she was 12 and confirm that she wanted to stay Jewish. My impression was that her younger sibling didn't have to do the same thing because they were within an age limit (3 yrs?) when their mother converted.

Ok, here's my take on the "let them choose" school...if they were your children by birth they would be Jewish. Why deny them that privilege because they are adopted? I consider giving my daughter the gift of Judaism one of the finest things I could have done for her. I'm baffled by the attitude that it's something that we've inflicted on our children. By converting her, I have given her a heritage, a history. "Your People is my People, and your G-d my G-d." --Ruth 1, 16 Because she was so young, the conversion was a simple, easy thing to do. We didn't even have to travel to a Michvah, we dunked her in our own pond at our own home. All we had to do was get a rabbi and three learned people. Honestly, I'm not trying to be argumentative, but I wonder if feeling like you should "let them choose" shows either a discomfort with your own faith (feeling different) or a discomfort with a child through adoption being fully "yours."

"I wonder if feeling like you should "let them choose" shows either a discomfort with your own faith (feeling different) or a discomfort with a child through adoption being fully "yours."" I am not at all uncomfortable with my faith or with the children being fully mine. But I want thier faith to be fully theirs, not something I force on them. I am looking to adopt children over infancy and having participated in a number of conversions- sitting on the Bet Dein, helping with the blessing at the Mikvah (which is a hot spring in the winter and a stream in the summer here is lovely Idaho), I believe that an older child should be a participant in the conversion, not just have it done to him/her. Older adopted children have enough things forced upon them, they should be able to make this type of decision for themselves. Now, if I adopt an infant- different story. S/he will not have the same life history coming in. Also, if the child wants to convert earlier, we can do that. But I do feel that with older children, they need to be involved in the decision.

I agree with spaypets. It does sound negative to assume that Judaism is an affliction. I have never heard it put so well--our children by birth are Jewish, so why deny our adopted children of the same gift? Great way to express this. Yael

1of2moms here's where I'm confused. Being Jewish isn't just going to services -- in my life, and it sounds like yours too, it is part of every day living. The food I choose to eat or not eat, the way I view the world, when I take days off, how I treat my family -- all of that is part of my religion. As I impart my values on my daughter, the food I serve, the traditions we embrace, how could I possibly raise her as something other than Jewish? And if I'm raising her Jewish, why wouldn't I give her the gift of making her a full Jew? I realize that you are adopting older children, but you will be imparting your values as you rear the children. You can make your child an active participant in his/her conversion but still make that the goal. I am operating under the assumption that the child who will be placed in your home won't be a committed something else. I know, in the same way I couldn't have married a man who was a committed Christian, I couldn't have adopted a child who was committed to another faith.

I could not imagine raising a child who was a committed Christian, just would not work. But, I don't feel that I am doing a child a disservice allowing him/her a chance to be involved in being Jewish. This is the senario I just can't do: "Adopt a 5 year old. A month or two later take him/her to the local hot springs and say 'hold your breath, under you go' we say the blessings and it is done." What I can see is enrolling the child in religious school, attending services, going to family retreats and summer camp. Then, when the child is adjusted in our home, happy with what is going on, looking forward to being just like all the other kids having a Bat/Bar Mitzvah, we do the conversion. Here in Idaho we have a very active and vibrant Jewish community. But, it is this way because we fully embrace our non-Jewish spouses, the converts, those who just want to live a Jewish life but might not ever convert. Half our choir is made up of converts or non-Jewish spouses, we have had Jews by choice as congregation presidents. There will be no stigma attached to my children because they did not convert as children, no one will think anything less of them here. As that is the case, why not let the child be involved in such an important and meaningful part of his/her life? I feel that this is actually giving the child a gift, not taking something away.

Ok, now I understand. We're essentially saying the same thing, only I don't see it as providing a choice. I see it as establishing an expectation that there will be a conversion, just as there's an expectation of a B'nai Mitzvah. Yes, ultimately, if my daughter balks at a Bat Mitzvah, I'm not going to tie her down and force her on the bima. So in that sense she has a choice, but I won't be communicating that she has a choice, in the same way I won't communicate the choice she has to finish high school or drop out. I think, if I were in your situation, my timeline would be shorter--the coversion would after the adoption was finalized but I wouldn't feel as though it had to wait years. I would try to be sensitive to how comfortable the child was in integrating in our family. Some children are thrilled and eager to embrace the new, others are less enthusiastic. So, I would certainly with an older child plan the conversion instead of imposing it. But the assumption would always be that it was going to happen. My concern wouldn't be about her status in the community. My temple is very welcoming of converts and very flexible about such things. Instead it is the feeling that the conversion in some sense formalized the adoption. The adoption finalization at the court house was anticlimatic, coming more than 6 months after placement. The submersion in the pond and the public naming ceremony later were the really adoption ceremonies.

I never thought of it as a choice in "do you want to be Jewish or not", our family is Jewish, end of statement. I just ment a choice as to when and how that officially is done. Still, I don't see the conversion as finalizing the adoption. I am buying a book about creating adoption rituals (don't you love ebay) and I saw a lovely foster one in the video for our PRIDE class. We will have to create our own home rituals around adoption and I am sure we will also do something at the synagogue.