Need Help

I have a kind of odd connection. I would be what would be called a birth neice and cousin. When my mother was 5, my grandmother was forced to give up a baby girl for adoption. Years later, she was reunited, but things diddn't go good. The daughter was very bitter and jealous of her half siblings. She tried to turn them against my grandma, and tried to cause trouble. Our family is diffrent from hers and the way she was brought up, and our family diddn't live up to her expectations. My grandmother and family want nothing to do with her and she feels the same. There are bad feelings between all of them. The problem is, at the time this happened I was about 6-8 years old, my other siblings and cousins within our family were about 2 years - 4 years. Some wern't even born at the time the rift happened. The woman, my aunt who was reunited with my grandmother had 2 or 3 kids at the time, younger than me. She also had more kids, and may have even more by now, we don't know. They are my cousins, however you look at it, I diddn't sign anything saying i diddn't want contact, I diddn't have any choice with having no contact, neither did they. Most of my cousins I have now are about 5 years younger than me, these cousins are around my age, and I would love to be in contact with them, if they want it too. My grandmother doesn't have her name anymore, or contact details. How can I find this information out? How can I get in contact with my cousins?? This is important to me, and I think my siblings will be interested too, my other cousins may be too, since some are entering their teens or already in their teens, and starting to have an interest in family. How do I handle the amniosity between my mom, my aunts , my grandmother and my other aunt the one my grandmother relinquished?? How can I contact my cousins without their mother intervening or getting in the way of contact in such a way that they never even get my letters?? Is it worth it, if it could cause a little bit of trouble in my family? My grandmother says she wants nothing to do with it, but it's okay if I search. But I Don't know how my other 2 aunts or mom will react. How do I search if I decide to go ahead with it? Lost Butterfly