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hi everyone,my names sam,im 27 yrs old.and live in nyc.last october,my boyfriend was murdered in his home.i then found out i was pregnant with our fourth child.after months to aganizing over my decision,i decided to ask my parents if they would like to adopt my child.i have three children already,and dont feel i can take care of a fourth.i have two sons,dj and nick,who are 5 and 4,and a daughter,mandy whos 18 months.it wasnt an easy decision to make,i only want whats best for my soon to be daughter.i miss the kids father so much,and wish things could have been different.
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Hey BostonBabe,
We were chatting the other night and you were offended. I assure you it was not intentional on the part of the other. Please come back to chat you will actually find alot of support there. I tried to email you this but you don't accept emails from the board.
I am truly sorry for your situation. It must be a very hard situation to deal with.
Good Luck!!!
((((((((HUGS)))))))))
i also feel terale for you i am 37 and lost my wife last sept.i get almost no help from anyone.i have a little girl name rachel.im am considering adoption.it makes me me sad to even talk about it.i think it might be for the best.it really takes to people to rase a child i am very depressed paul
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im so sorry about your wife.i know its not an easy decison for you,just like it wasnt for me.i dont think im over greiving for david(my kids father)yet,and its been 7 months since he died. i want whats best for my daughter,and thats to be raised by two parents,not just one.plese post again if you'd like to talk,or in the chatroom,im there a lot,talking about it helps me.sam
Dear Paul,
The greiving process will take a minimal of two years to resume uninhibited activity.
There are two distinct differences between you and Bostonbabe:
1)Rachel is 2, Bostonbabe has not given birth yet
2)Bostonbabe is relinquishing to her parents. Regardless of how open her adoption is she will still see her child. You may or may not even if you have an"open" adoption. In very few states are open adoptions legally binding. You will be at the mercy of the aparents decision.
Yes on some level Rachel will know you have given up rights and yes she will miss you and if she looks for you will you be able to say I wasn't enough when she says all i wanted was you?
Will you be able to handle her adoption? Paul I encourage you to speak to a greif counselor!
((((((HUGS))))))
skinnylou i know what you are saying im am verry down about life wright now.I feel things are really hopeless.I get next to no help from my inlaws.my parents have both passed away.I think wright now rachel would handle the tranition okI know if I wate much longer it wont be a good thing for her.she is a buitafull bright little girl.yes i love her very much.I just think she would be in a better situation with two parents.a man cant give her what a women can.I really would hope that she would not hate me.i hired a nanny she didnt work out.I may try another.I cant leave her with someone if i cant trust them!!Her grandparents just critasize me.they were against me hiring a nanny.will they have anything to say if i decide to put her up for adoption?
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Paul ~
I really feel for your situation and I am so sorry for your loss. I am sorry to impose on this thread but I felt that I needed to respond.
There are many very good couples who would consider adopting a 3 year old little girl. Eventhough my husband and I do not have any children yet, we considered trying to adopt a child 3 or younger. My point is that there are many couples who would love her unconditionally the way you would want.
My only concern is how this decision would affect you? I understand that you feel hopeless right now and it is hard to raise a child on your own. (I was raised by a single mom), but it can be done. If you are a praying man, I would suggest that a lot of prayer and serious soul searching goes into this decision.
Good luck with your quest to do what you think is best for you AND your daughter. My prayers are with you!!
dear daisha.im feeling better this week its ben a togh road.i really bottomed out last week.rachel is a good kid.I spose its bad enogh she lost her mom,but not her dady to.i think i need to stop feeling sorry for my self and just do it.when you had a perfect life and it comes crashing down its very hard.i will try to manage with her.i also will continue to try to find help with her.its so eassy to get your self depressed.i miss my wife so much.i no she would want me to raise her.take care paul.
I am happy to hear that you are feeling better Paul:) . I think that it would be very tramatic for your daughter to loose both her parents. I can't even begin to imagine how you must be feeling but I do know that if I passed away and had children, I would want my husband to stay strong for them and raise them the way we wanted them to be raised. I know that you don't want to have her raised by a nanny, but don't ever let anyone look down on you for doing what you have to to keep your family together. Only you know what is best for you!!!
Good luck and god bless!!
hi paul,this is samantha again,im so glad to hear you decided to raise your daughter instead of having her adopted by someone else.which is exactly what i decided to do-i decided to keep my daughter,my roommates and family are going to helo me out with her,her sister,and two brothers.i know we both made the right decision.i still miss david,even now,7 months after his death,but i know hes smiling down on me right now,just as your wife is.much love to both you and rachel. samantha mitchell
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Dear Paul and Sam,
Your decision was hard I feel sure. All of us want to do what is best for our children even if that is relinguishing them to another.
My prayers are with both of you. Even the decision to not relinguish is difficult.
Sam I am so glad that you are going to have some support to help you .
Paul as I told you earlier support may come from places other than parents. If not I still recommend grief counseling. It will help you so that you can see the forest for the trees!!
Best of Luck to both of you!
Hello Paul,
I just wanted to respond to you and give you some encouragement. My husband's in the military and there are many single dads raising their daughters. My hubby was talking with one of the dads of a 12-year old daughter and they started speaking about the female issues, that come up with the age. (We also have a 12-year old daughter.) This friend said he just became very knowledgable about everthing his daughter would go through and he started very young with being open with her about everything. I think that's the key to this. I KNOW you can do this. Keep up the faith and know there are plenty of support groups out there. We're here also. Don't be a stranger.
Bostonbabe, the same goes for you. Just know we're all supporting you through these difficult times and don't hesitate to call on the group for encouragement and even just to rant and rave, if needed.
God Bless you both,
K.