Agency or Independent?

Hello Jane, I personally think it is personal preference. My husband and I have never gone through an agency. I have met several people that have and were happy with that method. We personally like independent adoptions, the money spent for an agency, we get to spend on the child instead. Good Luck, Karen

Hi Jane, I will ask around about the midwife thing. We used to live in Dallas, Texas. Actually that is where my husband and I met- Dallas TX! Carrollton is a nice place too. I will ask around for midwife info, I used to work at Humana Hospital Medical City in Dallas. About the independent or agency. I agree with the other person that posted. We would rather spend the money on the child,or put it away for college education. We have an account set up with our specialized adoption attorney, for counseling by a counselor that the birthmother feels comfortable with, not with whoever you get assigned with at an agency. Also with an agency adoption, the baby is legally released to the agency not directly the adoptive parents. There are several other major differences, feel free to ask me if you are interested in hearing about them. You might want to check out all the resources available through birthmombuds.com from birthmothers that have been where you are. It was founded by 2 birthmothers that have been there, they have a mentoring program too. Anyway, I hope it is OK to post my advice, it didn't seem like you were sending the question to birthmothers only. If you were, than - oops I'm sorry! Take Care and Best of Luck with whatever decisions you make. God Bless you as you embark on this journey, Ellen

Thank you both for your kind responses. No, my question wasnt directed any anyone specifically҅education is education, no matter where it comes from. The trend certainly seems to be pointing towards independent adoptionӔ, and at this point, I think it would be ok with me too. My main concern is making sure I have someone who can advocate for me. Would it be unheard of for me to hire my own attorney to handle my end, and then search for a suitable match? I know for sure, from all the research Ive done, that I would want to have two separate attorneys, most likely from two separate practices to handle the adoption. I want to make sure we all have our own ғlegal advisor who wont have a conflict of interest, if you know what I mean. I guess I need to jump in and talk with some other ladies who have been where I am now, and find out what avenues they took in their process. Thank you again for your responses. Jane

You can have an attorney represent you but the attorney can't look for a family for you it is a law in Tx. By the way I PM'd you with a few names and a few ??'s

Oh, ok. Well, I wasn't hoping to find a "match" with the attorney.

Hey Jane, I know for our private adoption we live here in texas and we had to pay for an attorney ad litem for the baby and birthmom during our adoption. We have an adoption attorney that we keep in contact with even now days, simply because she is so familiar with the adoption laws of Texas... It can never hurt to ask questions and be educated and prepared for anything. If you find an attorney that you like working with, there are a great many adoption attorneys that may know some families that are interested in adoption, I think even ours does that. But, that is not what she is there for... Oh.. we also have really enjoyed having a female attorney handle our past adoption... for us, it just seemed like the female attorney was more focused on getting our case handled with gentle hands rather than some of the male attorneys that we spoke to that were very harsh in just talking about the process.. Adoption in any part of the triad is something that is very emotional and takes soft gloves to deal with the emotions pouring out from all possible ways... just make sure if you chose adoption to be the path you take, that you are very comfortable with any and everyone you are involved with.. Take care, Karen

We ae hopeful adoptive parents and we are willing to do either agency or independant.. but prefer independant if possible.. but that means hiring an attorney for us and for the birht parents.. there are LOTS of site you cango to to look for hopeful adoptive parents from texas and all over the counrty.. feel free to email or PM me and I can send you a list of sites.. I know that many a-parents like the more personal approach of independant so you may like that as well.. Also.. if you want to find a fmaily on your own.. and then have them contract with an agency that can work as well. Good luck Mandy

Some states are agent required so you really can not do a legal adoption without one. Some states allow private adoption. States have enacted agency only to avoid Baby Jessica dramas by providing bmom counseling before the baby is born. This helps avoids problems in theory. Any good agent should be able to tell you if the state you live in requires agency. Also, you could find your own family and then form a relationship with an agent. Thats what we ended up doing. Good luck Laura

i'm looking for a bmom independently also. but no luck yet - the only possible decided i wasnt old enough-im 26 lol - i like the personal touch of an independent i dont feel going through an agency is personal enough and besides i think they charge way too much money. i think that money could be better used towards providing for the child.

As an adoptive mom who has used an agency I wanted to share why. We chose our agency for a number of reasons. First off while waiting we felt safe gaurded to some extent in that they would handle some of the really hard questions, like proof of pregnancy, history of the father, medical history, and once matched we wanted their counseling services and the hands off approach they took with regards to our relationship with our child's birthfamilies. We all decided how we wanted to procede with one another, not the agency, we had a very personal experience with our child's birthfamilies, and still do. The agency was there to facilitate two meetings, to listen and counsel us (both sides) when we had fears and concerns. We chose an agency that was licensed in many states, has been doing open adoption since the 80's, and had many staff members to provide us with varying persepectives on the miriad of situations that can come their way. As far as not clicking with any agency you've spoken with, you may not and independent may be the way you chose if you do place. Also keep in mind that you needn't chose an agency within your own state. All the best to you on your journey.

I think the decision whether to adopt independently or use agency services depends on a number of factors: 1. How much work you're willing/able to do in networking and searching yourselves 2. How confident you feel sorting out 'scammers' from legitimate situations 3. Whether you feel counseling and support are important or helpful in your situation We used an agency and also searched independently - using techniques they trained us on. Our agency was wonderful in supporting us, helping us determine the legitmacy and viability of each potential situation, counseling for Ryan's bparents, and supporting us with ICPC and other issues we ran into along the way. Heck I still touch bases with them periodically to check on Ryan's development - 'is this normal' things and issues in our open adoption. It also really helped to go to the searching parents support group - it was there we realized that babies and parents aren't commodites or interchangable - Ryans' bparents would not have connected with any of the other families in our group, nor would, say, his friend Jake's bparents have connected with anyone other than his aparents. It's not that any of us are better or worse, it's just that we're all different. If you do go with an agency, be sure to find one that has experience with domestic parental placement and that you feel comfortable with - you're going to be in contact often! HTH Regina, AMom to Ryan Joshua Thomas

Hi Jane I think like others have said it is a preference as to what birthparents and adoptive parents are most comfortable with, we prefer the personal independent option and would rather take $15,000.00 to who knows what and make sure the child is secure financially with a savings or trust acct. for the college needs if they choose to continue their education and if not, they still have the security instead of giving that much money to an agency. Of course no matter which was agency or private (independent) both aparents and bmoms need attorneys. Wishing you all the best in your search for parents for your precious little one. Jennifer

Hi again, After reading the posts I see that most "private" supporters still think of the money spent as throw away money. These folks, at least ours, worked their butts off for us. They did yucky stuff like collect dna from a guy in jail, had to call another guy who was not so pleasant and other uncomfortable situations. Our agent also offers LIFETIME counseling for the bmom. Really though if you are pg your BIGGIE relationship should be with the adoptive family with the agent as mediary if things get rough. Unless of course you are not looking for a open relationship. If you still cannot find an appropriate family and decide to go with an agent look for one that only does 12 adoptions per employee with a limit of 24 or 36. That should help eliminate the impersonal feel. Good luck, Laura (ready for #2)

As an adoptive mom, I can share that our son's birthmother has told us that having an agency really helped them because they felt that they had more than one or two personalities they could choose between for counseling, plus they felt they had more personal choice of the adoptive families than with the lawyers they spoke with. That, however, may be very individual, based on which agency and which lawyer, for sure. Now waiting again, we chose to go back to our same agency because there was so much help available the first time (for all of us), the birthmother has lifetime counseling available and we established trust with them. As a birthmother, feeling that trust both with the agency or lawyer is so so important -- and then developing trust and two=way communication with the family you choose. Hopefully, you're considering open adoption so that you can choose how much contact you want and that your relationship has the chance to grow in its own time. On-line searches can help a lot in narrowing down either families or agency vs. lawyer decisions. Honestly our son's birthmother wasn't interested in talking with hardly anyone but us (she was 15); however, her mother helped her and spoke with the agency the most (our son's birthmother's choice). The agency's openness in wanting her to make the choices, along with her support system, made a big positive difference for her. Good luck! -- susan