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My wife divorced my son's biological father when he was one. I've been in his life since he was two. I married his mother when he was 6.
I adopted him when he was 10. His bio-father signed away all rights and has no legal rights. He had not seen my son for years at the time of the adoption and was years past due in any child support.
Over the past year I've noticed my son (now 14) has been giving me attitude. I've found out that his bio-father has been contacting him via email and asking him to call behind our backs. In exchange he has been shipping my son gifts behind our backs to a friend of my son's.
Everything he has sent my son has been a deliberate attempt to undermine my authority. I took away some C.D.s from my son so bio-dad sends him a Best Buy gift card to replace them. I caught my son shopplifting the Matrix DVD (very unlike him) and made him return it (I worked out in advance for the store manager to give him heck) so bio-dad buys the DVD and sends it.
He has also asked my son to move up there with him. We are in Georgia and he's in Maryland.
I went to the county authorites and was told that I could not get any help or a restraining order. They told me that the charges are so severe (child enticement, stalking, etc.) that they would not want to send a biological father to jail for several years over it. Plus because my son is 14 so he's old enough to know what he's doing.
Since it's taking place in two states are there federal laws involved? Are there Georgia state adoption laws that an adoptive parent can use to protect themselves form the biological parents?
The bio-parents have no legal status yet the county authorities here gave them rights by saying that the laws should not apply to bio-parents.
I need HELP!!! This interaction is tearing our family apart.
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Okay, I'm not an expert, but I think I may have a couple of ideas. Now, your son is trying to link himself with his birthfather. It may be giving him a sense of belonging. (I didn't say it was right, I'm just trying to explain it a little.)
You can handle this in several ways. You can talk with the biodad and actually start handling this like an open-adoption. (If biodad respects the rules and boundaries.) Remember, you'll get more flys with honey than vinegar. If he doesn't follow the rules, get down and dirty. Explain the consequences. Talk with the District Attorney and tell him you want to press charges. You may have to bring all of your adoption paperwork with you, because when you adopted, the biodad has zero rights.
Talk with the friend's parents to stop the packages going to their home. (You may have to explain everything including disrupting the household.)
Next, call the phone company and see what rules apply to stopping the phone calls, whether going or coming. (I don't know if that can be done, but it's worth a shot.)
Also, I can speak with a computer whiz I know, about blocking email addys without him being able to unblock them. You can put a parental block with a password on the computer, so he can be very limited to what he has access to. (Now, that works for your computer, but what about his friend's?!) Contact the school if you have to. Get everyone involved.
K.
PS- Welcome fellow Georgian.
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We can't allow any visitation with Bio-Dad because he is deliberatly tyring to sabatage our family.
The phone situation we have handled. We have an unlisted number that we have changed several times. The main line of our house had no long distance calling capabilities.
My son's computer has no internet access.
Here is the problem.
At my son's school they made all the kids get a free yahoo email address. Then they published a directory of the email addresses on the school's website.
That was how bio-dad tracked him down. A google search.
All this email stuff is going on at school.
We later found out that my son skips lunch to go to the school's library where he roams chat room and IM's with other people he meets on-line. We have asked the school to ban him from the library during lunch and their reply is "We are not baby-sitters".
I believe you have to sign a consent to allow your child to have internet accessthat being the case, call your superintendents office and withdraw the consent. Also with withdraw the consent to publish any information about your child on district websites.
If they are still reluctant, I would contact an attorney and have them write a letter. ItŒs a violation of your privacy for them to post any information about YOUR minor child on a school website without consent from the parents.
Thanks for the info on the "cosent form"
I've been battling the school over this issue for a while because in my son's computer class (One that taught Word, Access, Excel, etc.) every desk had a computer with Internet access. My son spent the entire time surfing the net while his grade in that class plumetted.
The class was a software class that didn't need internet access to begin with.
Even though the policies state that students can only use the Internet for academic purposes, all the kids use it for everything.
Our physical mailbox is now flooded everyday with catalogs and mailing from sites he has visited and our phone rings off the hook from sales calls where he has filled out on-line forms.
you know, i have one more comment on this.
the police are there to serve and protect. So, I think they were/are out of line to comment that your MINOR 14-yo son "knows" what he's doing. If he did, then the law would allow 14 y.o's to drink, drive and vote.
As to their taking sympathy with this guy, who could be up to god knows what sort of additional bad behavior after he gets your son to beleive, trust, and love him (do i dare say Maryland Sniper?) So, your country sheriff, or whatever, should be trying to proect and serve the citizens of your state, not a guy in anotehr state who's -- by their admission -- stalking , child enticement, contributing to the deliquency of a minor etc.
I like the idea that you should talk to the DA, who'll tell the police what they should and shouldn't do.
just my 2 cents.
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