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Hi,
I am making a new thread by request of another member. All help is very much appreciated. My husband and myself have adopted his nephews. They have been with us for 2 yrs now. They come from sexual, mental physical and verbal abusive parents. When CPS interveined the 2 were left alone for 3 nights and days. No food, no working plumbing (they were using cups), the house was roach infested, example: bee hives in every corner of the walls but it was roaches. No clean clothes and no clean dishes, you couldn't se the floor or the counter tops. Both were molested at several different times. And thats just the beginning. The oldest is very abusive to me and his brother and the pets. We have tried everything we know to do. Now I'm ready for him to leave this home and have the adoption dissolved. His brother is 11 and has the mentallity of a 5 yr old. They have another brother that is 16 and has the same mentallity as the 11 yr old. He is in a group home and is not allowed to have contact with either brother because he was the one that did the molesting. The parents had alot to do with the actual molesting but he was the one that performed the acts. By the way we are being cridisized for not taking him in also. ( go figure). It want be long before we will have to place the 11 yr old in a home that best fits him because he wiil need more extensive help than we can give him.:( My biggest thing is I'm ready for the 13 yr old to leave this home NOW. It has become intolerable. I have read other post saying that it is the wrong thing to do because we would not do biological children that way. Well if my biological children needed help like this not think I wouldn't do the same thing. Anything to help my children is my moto. But I can't help my 13 yr old we have tried and tried everything.:(
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I answered your other thread, but thought I'd hit this one also.
I fully understand your frustration, but if the younger child leaves, the dynamics in the house may shift enough for this one to have a shot. Have you investigated what the options are for the 13 year old? Have you considered attachment therapy and the use of theraputic parenting techniques? Have you contacted anyone regarding having him moved? Since he is adopted, you may be financially liable for his care should he leave your home.
YOU need to do what you feel is in everyones best interest regardless of what anyone else thinks.
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hi,
We have tried everything, He has had 3 therapist, none have been able to help. We have been in threrapy with him for the whole 2 years. We have even tried the "jail" therory from one of the other post and they feel like we are doing it because we don't like them. And that is far from the truth. We are at the end of the rope. We have tried tuff love. We have been (what we felt like) cruel. I don't want to be that way . I don't believe in being that way. I have even went as far as to go to my doctor to get something to help me cope with it. But that does not work. It's like if he knows one of my weaknesses he thrives on it. And then turns to look at me and laughs in my face.:confused:
Were any of the therapist attachment therapist? If not, you were wasting your time. Were you included in the therapy?
If not, again, your wasting your time. I assume the jail therapy was time in-of course the child didn't like it, it's geered to teach them to change the behavior.
What options do you have? Is a group home or a hospital placement available and affordable? Do you know another family willing to adopt? In most places, you can't just "undo" an adoption. Have you researched any options?
What do you consider cruel? Allowing a child to live with the natural consequences of his actions is the way life works.
If a child makes poor choices, it's a mom's job to make choices for him or stay close to him to assist him when he is considering a poor choice.
I do understand how you feel-it's like living in a war zone where you are constantly waiting for the next bomb to blow. It hurts, it's hard, it sucks. I would suggest you visit [url]www.radzebra.org[/url] and [url]www.attach.org[/url] I would recommend talking with an attorney or subsidy worker at DSS and seeing what options are available for your child if you just feel you cannot continue to parent him.
Thank you for the websites. Of all the therapist we have had none were attachment therapist. We were always included in all therapy. And we particiapated in all therapy. As of the options we have there is camp eckerd which we are going through the steps now to get him in there. We go tomorrow for pshy evaluation. and on the 22nd we start all over with a therapist his birth mom had. When we talk to him the forst time he told us he knew the family history and was surprised that the adoption has held together this long. But he has agreed to sponcer the 13 yr old so we can get help in financing the camp. We have been in contact with DSS through the whole ordeal and they have given us this option and they understand when he comes out if there are no changes he will not be able to come back in the home. DSS said it is a long process but it can be done and a at of home placement will implemented. My husband and myself are both in agreement that if it takes both working 2 jobs to get him the help he needs thats what we will do. We want him to have all the help he needs but in turn we have to consider the younger brother and his mentallity problems. He is going to need extensive help too. We will go as far as the good lord tells us to. Again thank you for the websites they are a very big help.