Russia or China Adoption

Hi - China might be an obstacle due to their quota on singles adopting. If you can't find an agency with an open slot you might have to wait a year or so to start the process. Russia I believe is much quicker to get started....There are health issues with post institutionalized children. You might want to check out the FRUA board at frua.org too, and talk to others who have brought home children from Russia. Good luck!

I adopted from Russia at 47 as a single mom. The more I read about FAS & FAE, the more relieved I am that my gamble seems to have come out ok, and the more I think I might think long & hard about the choice of Russia or China. I do think that you're probably gonna be more likely to be able to adopt 2 (over time) from Russia than from China. I just have a sense that adoption from China is more subject to political disruption at any time, or to being put on hold for SARS and things like that than adoption from Russia. I don't know how China feels about parents adopting more than one child, much less a single parent doing so. I also kind of have the impression that China may think you're too old by the time you adopt your 2nd one, but I don't know -- those are questions for your agency. You may already know all those things anyway. And of course, political disruption and unexpected disease could come up anyplace anytime anyway. I do think there are a lot of wonderful children in Russia who need homes, and that most of the children who come here from there wind up doing fine. I definitely would have an IA doctor lined up to ok any Russian referral (I don't think you really get to do that with China, but I don't know much about their process). I would also be somewhat circumspect about sharing info with your friends & family about a referral until you have gotten the IA doctor's review of the medical info & some photos & hopefully video. I know that photolistings are supposedly illegal in Russia but I know some agencies manage to get some info in some circumstances to go on. Have you already started working with an agency? Best wishes to you.

Thank you both for your quick replies. I am working with an agency and currently have one of the coveted slots for single parent adoption in China. I've been guilt ridden knowing that I have one of the slots and am now waffling over the decision over the past few weeks. I finally came clean with the agency yesterday about the Russia vs. China question and I'm very glad that I did. They were very helpful, calm and informative assuring me that whatever decision that I made would be a good one. In any event, I really should make my decision by this Sunday (no pressure) as it's my last visit with the social worker and I believe they need it to do the final write up. (I also don't want to be holding a slot up that could potentially go to someone else). I will definitely check out the FRUA boards to get additional information. Is there a particular place where I could find out about total costs? (what I found so far is really "loosey-goosey" and a huge range). And I really do appreciate the help and support. Its really nice to know that you're not alone in this process!

I think you're going to see a wide range about the $$$ because so many people's experiences are different. Frankly, I think the thing to do is pin your agency down about what to expect - I know the agency I used included some costs some others didn't, and didn't include some costs some others did. While I don't think the things I'm about to mention should in any way be THE deciding factor for you, I will just mention them so you can think about how it applies to you. I've been reading at various times discussions of questions of supporting your child's cultural history and heritage. I think there is a more well-defined Chinese and Chinese-American community in the US than Russian. You may want to visit some of the events they have in your area. I mostly chose Russia myself because I have a close friend who adopted from Russia 5 years prior to my adopting, and I had seen the process & agency & felt comfortable with that. But I also did some reading about China; I was very impressed with the book Lost Daughters of China, by Karen Evins, and you need to go get that today if you haven't read it yet. For myself, I have such trouble respecting a culture that places so little value on women. Not that Russia is a bastion of feminism! LOL, with as much prostitution, etc. that happens in Russia, I don't particularly think women (girls aged out of the orphanage system, for instance) are particularly empowered or anything like that. But it is a different history etc., and I just personally felt like I could project a more positive spin and better attitude about Russia than about China. There is also the future question of birth parent contact and these little girls from China are probably never gonna know who their birth parents were, despite whatever searching we or they do. There is talk of setting up a DNA registry in hopes they can find siblings someday. It's also true that some of the kids from Russia are in the same boat as far as having no way to trace their birth parents. But it's just one thing to consider. Another question is race. Actually, if you're Caucasian & you adopt from China, I think you might find that as a single mom, you'd face less of an assumption by people that this is your bio daughter than you would if you adopted from Russia (although I've read about some people adopting kids of other races from Russia too!). That's something that could go either way as a positive or a negative. It's kind of nice when people do assume you're a family unit together unquestioningly, like they do if you adopt a child who looks like you, especially if you wind up adopting a child who has the same coloring you do. But there are also these weird assumptions people make about you having had the child out of wedlock, or that you're divorced, or a million things. I personally decided not to worry about that, and it wasn't a factor for me in my own decision, as between Russia & China. Right now, I get these looks sometimes where I think they're trying to figure out if I'm the mother or the grandmother (I'm 47 & my daughter will turn 3 yrs old in August). If she were Chinese, they'd probably know by looking at us that she's adopted. LOL, or they'd assume I had a child out of wedlock or was divorced from a Chinese man, or that I was the grandmother! The one thing that might help on a little is about the dilemna of trying not to bring up the adoption since it's "her story to tell." I put that in quotes because I think that's sort of a fiction -- it's the story of everybody involved in it, not just the child. But kids do at some point get interested in having you not identify them as adopted, they want to assimilate & just be a normal kid. The other thing I thought I'd mention is that you might find you get more responses to your post if you put it in a different place on this board, like instead of under State Adoptive Parents, California Adoptive Parents (where this post is) put it under International Adoptive Parents, General Support or something like that. Sometimes people don't loook at all the boards togethr, just the particular ones they're interested in. Best wishes to you in your decision. I think it's not really possible for the decision process to be totally rational. That's another way of saying, listen to your heart.

I recently adopted my daughter from Russia (October). I did not consider China too much due to the quota system and the length of time required (over 1 year). I was able to start my process and get my daughter home in 9 months. That was big part of my personal decision making. I did consider several other other countries, Guatamala and Bulgaria mostly. I ultimately decided on Russia as I found an agency that I was happy with that supported Russia and Guatamala. I was not focused on the youngest infant and Russia was their largest and historically successful program. Those were the primary drivers of my decision. The travel was a negative, but I probably would have been held up by the delays in Guatamala last year, so I guess that it was meant to be. My daughter does favor me. We both have brown, curly hair and very small noses. She is actually of Roma heritage. She will have great tans and I will always be pasty. For me country decision sort of developed as a result of my agency review process. Best of luck!

Wow -- you all are amazing! Thank you all for the information. I was speaking to an old friend earlier this evening and she had said, "it sounded like you already made your decision". And quite honestly, I'm at least 75% there. I'm leaning towards Russia and its really due to al the information and referral information that I have received on the boards. I cannot thank you enough and actually everyone on the boards for being so open and honest. All I can say is, thank you