Help with definitions, please!

Hi...it's kinda confusing....let me try to get it straight for you. A TRUE open adoption means that all identifyinformation is exchanged and that all parties are able to contact each other directly. the level of openness can vary some may have the info but choose only to exchange letters and pictures, others (most) include visits as well. Open adoptions are NOT legally enforceable in most states....which means that initial info given may not be valid later....like moving and leaving no forwarding information. It is gaining more popularity as more bmoms demand it as a term of placement. Fears of a co-parenting situation keeps a lot of aparents weary of this arrangement. There are very few long term cases to refer back to and learn from as it is a relatively new trend. Semi-open is actually Semi-closed. It is a closed adoption with contact via 3rd party. usually NO visits and a regular schedule of letters and pictures/gifts all thru a 3rd party. All of which may be monitored and edited to eliminate any identifying info. pictures would be cut to remove the city name on a landmark or college name on a baseball cap. Neither party is given any identifying info about the other EVER. This has been the common type in the last decade or so with a large number of adoptions ending up with one party stopping the limited contact eventually. Usually with no explanation why. A lot of bmoms in the past were getting this type of adoption and told it was an open adoption when it was in fact a closed one. Closed means that no identifying info is given to either party EVER. A fully closed adoption usually refers to ZERO contact ever. A lot of bmoms chose to never even lay eyes on the baby after is was born, and some never even knew the sex. This is the way it was done for the majority of the 20th century. And in most cases it has proven to be the most traumatic for all members of the triad. In reality there are Closed or Open adoption only. each with varying degrees of contact. Identifying info would include last names, local landmarks and cities of residence...even email addresses. Open adoptions usually include all of the above plus addresses, ph #'s and secondary contact people, like the grandparents or close friends info as well. The type of adoption is agreed to at birth. It doesn't vary depending on the age of the child. In an open adoption there is no search and reunion, because the relationship has always existed. In a closed adoption it is virtually impossible to track the other party down for contact. A semi open over time may yield tiny clues. After the child is 18 the 3rd party usually allows (if all agree) some identifying info to be exchanged. The 3rd party is usually an agency with specific rules. If it is an attorney they have been known to been more flexible and use their own discretion and judgement. I hope I helped a little and not just made it more confusing.

Here is my take on it. What is Open Adoption? Ask five people what their definition of open adoption is and you are likely to get five answers. Some may think that allowing an expectant parent to choose the prospective adoptive parents from a profile of non-identifying information is an open adoption. Still others may say that those who met prior to placement and who exchange pictures and letters after the child is placed in the adoptive home are participating in an open adoption. This definition is, in fact, a variation of a semi-open adoption or openness in adoption. So what is an open adoption?_ The primary difference between a truly open adoption and a semi-open adoption is that the adopted child has the potential of developing a one-on-one relationship with his or her birthfamily. It is not about the adoptive parents bestowing birthparents with the privilege of contact, nor is it about birthparents merely being available to provide information over the years. Direct contact, in the form of letters, phone calls and visits between the birthfamily and the adopted child, along with his adoptive family, is essential if they are to establish their own relationship. After all, how can we honestly call an adoption open if the child is not involved? For many who are just beginning the adoption process, the concept of open adoption appears to be another complication they would rather not deal with. One prospective adoptive mom, weary from years of infertility, asked me at an adoption conference, "I am pursuing an international adoption because I don't want to have to deal with my child's birthfamily in any way. What can you say to me that would make me change my mind and pursue, instead, an open adoption?" My answer to her was simply this: "No matter where your child is adopted from, you will, as adoptive parents, need to deal withђ your child's birthfamily whether you know the birthfamily or not. This birthfamily is a part of who your child is. Open adoption allows you to know your child better by knowing his birthfamily." Expectant parents considering placing a child for adoption are often just as leery of the prospect of open adoption. Many are told, or feel, that ongoing contact will make it difficult to move on with their lives. Some are afraid that seeing their child will be too painful. Many worry that their involvement might confuse the child Making open adoption child-centered. Many adoptive professionals encourage prospective birthparents and adoptive parents in the pre-placement process to choose the level of contact "they are most comfortable with having." The philosophy of comfort does not take into consideration several very important factors, one being that open adoption should not be based on making the adults involved comfortable; rather it should be about providing for the needs of the child. Much of the open adoption experience is uncomfortable and awkward, especially in the beginning. While it is true that many children are only as comfortable as the adults around them, it is also true that many of us do things for our children that we are not totally comfortable with because it is good for them. The other factor that the philosophy of comfort does not take into consideration is that adoption is a lifelong process. Many birthparents in the crisis of planning for an adoption look upon continuing contact as an option too painful to contemplate. Many adoptive parents, on the other hand, just want to be a family, without the added complication of visits with their childs birthfamily. Most open adoption agreements are based on these feelings that occur around the time of placement. These agreements do not allow contact to ebb and flow according to the needs of all involved, most importantly the child. As time goes on, many birthparents, adoptive parents, and the adopted child find they want more contact, but feel they are not able to ask for more because of the original agreement. In cases such as these open adoption becomes a contract instead of a covenant. According to WebsterҒs Revised Unabridged Dictionary, covenant is defined in part as being one of the strongest and most solemn forms of contract. It is also described as being sacred. For open adoption to work best, birthparents and adoptive parents need to see their involvement with each other as a sacred commitment, or a covenant they make to each other for the sake of the child. Patricia Martinez Dorner, author of Children of Open Adoption and Talking to Your Child about Adoption, encourages us to see open adoption as just another form of blended family. In adopting, adoptive parents are welcoming the member of one family into their own. This "blending" of families is not without its share of uncomfortable moments, but the beauty of birthparents and adoptive parents accepting each other as family is twofold: One, birthparents and adoptive parents really get to know each other. It allows them to see who the others are outside of their adoption experience. Birthparents can be seen as more than someone who found themselves in a difficult situation and adoptive parents can be seen as more than an infertile couple. Being able to know each other as complete human beings allows for greater acceptance. The adopted child is also able to know his birthparents as they are, rather than creating a fantasy birthparent. Instead of spending countless hours conjuring up an image of a person they do not know, they can use that energy for other things. Two, it gives the child a sense of wholeness. There will no doubt be times when birthparents and adoptive parents take up the responsibility of maintaining the connection with each other. An infant, a toddler or a child cannot carry the burden of maintaining the connection between his two families. An adopted child whose birthfamily and adoptive family come together in a familial way, will grow up with greater certainty. There is a saying that the greatest gift parents can give their children is to love one another. I think it is inclusive of all parents, not just married couples. So, what does a family blended by open adoption best compare to? In their book, The Open Adoption Experience, Sharon Kaplan-Roszia and Lois Melina state: "In practice, the relationship in open adoption iscomparable to that between in-laws." In marriage, a spouse accepts his or her in-laws because he or she realizes that they are an important part of who his or her spouse is. In open adoption, the adoptive family and birthfamily make a commitment to stay in contact because they also realize that the birthfamily is an important part of who the child is. As with in-laws, relationships vary. Some open adoption relationships develop into friendships while others are more distantly involved. All, however, recognize that they are family to one another, and important in the life of the child. This is an excerpt from What is Open Adoption? by Brenda Romanchik. Ms. Romanchik is the birthmother of Matthew, born in 1984 and placed in a fully open adoption. Another good resource is the fact sheet done by the National Adoption Information Clearinghouse called Openness in Adoption.