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We have had an ongoing relationship with our son's b-mom since his adoption. She is 22 and still trying to get her life together, and I pray that she will find peace and settle down soon. At this point her mother has used toughlove to let her know that she cannot live at her house and T lives with one guy and his family after the next. She also has been in a number of car accidents (her driving) and has no transportation. Her stepdad even went as far as to give her his old car (relatively new and reliable) when he got a new one. She totaled that last month. When she was kicked out of her mom's house last fall, she never called. I found out when her Christmas card (with new pictures) was returned. I called her mom (who does not want a relationship with our son at this time.) and found out about the situation. I still did not hear from T after that , but she showed up out of the blue in Feb. on my son's 3rd b-day with a friend I'd never met. (SHe did this once before when he was a baby with a guy and other people waiting in the car. I did NOT let her in then.) I let her in, but I was very frustrated with her choice. She said our phone # was at her mom's house and her mom wouldn't give it to her. Since then she has e-mailed and we've discussed another visit. Due to all of this, I've decided that I do not want anyone else except for her family members to be a part of visits with my son. I believe that this is reasonable and I guess I am looking for others' opinions on this...aparents and bparents alike! I think we have been more than patient. I really want my son to know T, but I need her to be reliable and to keep my son safe. Thank you! :rolleyes:
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I can understand your feelings and I support them to, for the most part. I wouldn't want our daughter's bparents to come bye with any old stranger. I am careful who I allow into my house, I would hope she would respect my feelings. I don't think this is an unreasonable request but just make sure you add, that if she is in a serious relationship that she feels will lead to marriage, then I would allow the stranger to visit.
Someone that she or he is just dating, no way! JMHO
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Mikki ~ It sounds to me like you have been more than patient and tried to work with your son's b-mom. I very much agree with your decision to limit visits to family members.
IMO it is not showing a great deal of respect when she shows up, unannounced, with a carload of strangers. That would make me uncomfortable.
~Deb
I never have showed up unannounced at my son's house, ever. That would be to wierd. And then to bring people with you is strange at best. To me she does sound pretty unstable and you have every right to protect your son. I haven't even been to my son's house in over 4 years. We always meet in a neutral place to visit. (restaraunt, park) Anyway, I don't think you are being irrational about this at all.