New and need some help and support!

Hi & congratulations on this potential connection! When you talk with her, focus on her, not her adoption plan unless she brings it up. If she wants to talk about her adoption plan, good, but if not, leave it be. Topics: how is she feeling? (OK to ask), how's her 6-month old? Hear that's a fun age, etc. Focus on her interests and sharing yours as well. When we met Ryans' bmom, we mostly talked about our interests, what she was studying in school, recent events (it was 2 weeks after 9/11/01), etc. and got to know each other. We let our agency and attorney ask the 'hard stuff' - i.e. proof of prengancy, medical care, history, etc. One issue that may be problematic is her native american heritage. If she's registered with a tribe, than tribal law may also be involved. This is something your attorney should explore with her, absolutely. You should be aware though that it may complcate placement plans. It's hard not to get excited, but do guard your heart just a little bit. Adoption is a crazy roller coaster of emotions. HTH, best of luck. Regina, AMom to Ryan Joshua Thomas

Thanks Regina! I had a fleeting thought about tribal law.... but hadn't written it down..... I will ask her what tribe, etc. I know she said she was raised in South Dakota. Anyhow... we will focus on their lives and what they like to do, etc. I think she is bringing the 6 mo. old, so I bet we will find a lot to talk about with that baby :) Thank you so much. I feel calmer just getting a reply! LOL! I was starting to think I was floundering alone. LOL! Thanks! Angela

My first meetings with paparents (two seperate adoptions) was the: Do I like them... Since I'd planned open adoptions, I wanted them to be sure they liked me too. It's a lifelong deal. And You can look up the laws about Native American Adoption and the law. I found a bit about it over the weekend in my searches. Its basically the only federal adoption law. There were some reforms proposed on it. Namely the parents had to by ACTIVE members of a tribe. Check it out. Cornell University has a good law site. I forget the others. Maia

Thanks for your support and input... just so you know, I researched online and talked to my attorney and basically, if she gives us the baby of her own free will and signs specific papers, the native american thing should not be a hassle.... which is a relief! Apparently it is mainly a hassle if you are adopting or fostering through the gov't. So we met with them this evening. He is a very handsome, very dark Sudanese man. She is a gorgeous woman. Their 6 mo. baby is fantastically beautiful and sweet!! LOL! I had planned to just chit chat and get to know them, but from the moment they walked in it was like she just wanted to talk about the baby. The father and mother were very sincere, had already looked into other options like abortion, etc. They don't want another baby at all.... she feels like she's not a good mother, not patient, etc. He does most of the baby care with this one. He has 3 and the child support on his other 2 is outrageous. He wanted her to have an abortion. Luckily for US, there are no people out here who perform abortions (they would have had to drive over an hour and they have no car and no jobs and no money)... so they looked into adoption, but didn't know where to go. Luckily they heard about us.... they heard that we are great parents, we have had a lot of heartache, and were actually "threatened" by our friend not to even call us if they weren't ABSOLUTELY sure first. (lol.... I think that's funny... our friend Geri is so unassuming and kind and gentle.... but she threatened them that they would see her wrath if they hurt us. LOL) After our talking, she told me she is having an ultrasound next tuesday and invited Hannah (my daughter) and I to come... she also said we would be welcome at the birth. *happy sigh*. She even asked what we would name the baby and said she loved the name Hazel. At any rate..... I am on cloud 9! I can't believe it.... and their first baby is so precious! I could eat her up! :) I am thrilled, so is dh and dd. Life is feeling really good. Thank you so much for the support!!!! Love, Angela mommy to Hannah (8-5-97) and many more not held in arms Planning to adopt in January 2005!!!

As for the Native American clearances, be very clear on this. Even if a woman or man wasn't registered with a tribe but believed there to be Native heritage, our agency had to have the tribes in question sign off on the adoption- before relinquishments could be taken. It certainly doesn't have to be a hassle, but it does have to be done correctly. A private placement may differ slighty, but make sure... and enjoy your budding relationship!

Thank you so much! I am going to stay on top of that. I definitely don't want a mistake to cost us this adoption... so I am going to be doing some heavy duty research ON MY OWN... to make sure my attorney is doing the right thing. I am just in amazement right now... we get to see the ultrasound tuesday! That is so cool :) LOL! I have had 2 nights of little sleep from excitement and everything running through my head!! Thanks again. I'm glad to meet you! Angela