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I am SO sorry if you already read this on another forum... I don't want you to feel like I'm spamming or anything ;) LOL! ,,, But I do need the help and support.
Hi everyone! I'm Angela. I have one daughter who will be 7 in August. We had her less than a year after getting married, and it was a piece of cake. Since then we have had infertility and miscarriages. We started looking into adoption a few years ago. We have gone through some small heartbreaks (a "friend" offering her baby and then cutting off contact and getting an abortion instead, and another telling us that she was going to give us the baby and then changing her mind).
Just so you know, it will be a private adoption through our attorney. We have been thinking about networking and sending out a birthmother letter but we hadn't.
I got a call yesterday from a woman who said, "I hear you're looking to adopt a baby". :eek: Yes..... "Well, I am pregnant, and I am a single mom who has a 6 month old, and I would like you to take this new baby. I just can't care for it." Then she went on to tell me the baby will be "dark" which I told her we dont' care. Apparently she heard about us from the women who said she was going to give us her baby and then changed her mind. This potential birth mother kept saying she's POSITIVE.... and even said she was told not to call us unless she's sure because we've had so much baby heartache.
So to make a long story short(er), we are meeting her and the birth father this evening. I have a short list of questions to ask.... though the question I most want answered is ARE YOU SURE>>?????? LOL!
What questions would you ask her if it was you?
Okay, I'm so excited I couldn't sleep last night. :D Hubby tells me to build a wall around my heart so I won't be so sad if it doesn't work out but I say if you build a wall, then you can't feel the good either.
Thanks so much, and it is so nice to meet you!
Angela
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First of all, good luck -- I think most of us can relate to your mix of nervousness and excitement on being chosen. Questions I wish I had asked before my son's adoption are about the openness: How often do you want to be contacted? Will we get together during the year? AT what point do you want contact to start? (We felt more comfortable getting together for the first time after the hopspital once the waiting period was up) Also, questions about birthfamily medical history -- does your attorney have any medical forms or anything for them to fill out? We went through an agency so it was a little different. What level of openness do YOU and your husband want? Hopefully it will match with the birthparents. Also, what about the birthparents' families? ARe they aware/supportive? Will you have any contact with them? Be aware that with an open adoption your emotions will continue to be stretched (Have you read the thread about feeling guilty after birthparent visits?). I found the initial time (3-6 MONTHS) the most difficult. Personally, I feel it's worth it, something I can do for my son to ensure he'll have an easier time of it later. Hang in there -- I hope the third time is the charm for you! :)
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