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I am a bmom newly reunited with her 15 yr old bdau. Her parents allow us to stay in touch via phone, web, etc. I have met with the family twice. We live a few mins away from each other.
I'm in contact with my bdau almost daily, but rarely speak to her parents. Do these people really want to hear from me? Am I the enemy? Our conversations and emails seem to go well. They express that they believe that I have their child's best interest in mind. But I feel a little uncomfortable that the only time we have contact is when my bdau wants to know if we can get together. Am I expected to call and chat? Or is that intrusive? I've invited them to contact me any time, but they do not.
My bdau now wants us to get together without her parents. She'd like to spend the day with me. (!) I would love to, but is this something I dare request? Am I pushing my luck?
HELP! I'm developing a great relationship with my bdau but feel lost with her parents (they are older than my own parents and I don't think that helps).
Would you want to hear from YOUR childs bio family?
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Dear ny'ka,
I think it is great that you are reunited with your birthdaugther, my advice would be to just take it easy. I am new to adoption myself, but from what I have heard (read) from other adoptive parents is that they often feel threatened by bparents wanting to be a part of their child's life, especially after they haven't been for a while. They have allowed some contact -- so that is a good sign. Your bdaughter is also much older than my daughter and able to think and make some decisions for herself, so it is a different situation. Did she contact you? Or how were you reunited? I would just recommend that you respect that they are her parents and have taken (hopefully very good) care of her. (And make it very known to your daughter that you respect her parents -- so that they won't feel threatened). Has she asked her aparents if she can spend time with you in person? If so, what was their response to her? I would just play it by ear, and try not to scare them off by moving in too quickly.
Good Luck!
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I would be in touch with the adoptive parents. No, you are not the enemy, and the more they know and trust you, the easier it will be for your daughter. Your daughter is still a minor. Technically they have a right to decide who she sees and spends time with. You need to talk to them about your daughter's wish for a visit alone.
There is a saying that the greatest gift a child can receive from his/her parents is for the parents to love on another. I believe this applies in adoption as well. Having a loving, respectful relationship with her parents is a gift to her. I have seen so many adopted people torn up because of animosity between their adoptive parents and birthparents.
My daughter just contacted me today with her possible birth mother's e-mail address. I was to e-mail her to ask her some questions, and I really didn't feel comfortable doing so at all. If this woman is indeed my daughter's birthmother, I'll possibly speak to her through e-mail, but I really wouldn't feel comfortable talking to her on the phone. To me, it would be completely and utterly strange. I mean, we're both her mother, just in different ways.
Speaking to my daughters biological mother on the phone would really irk me. I'd rather just let my daughter do the majority of the talking and I'll converse with her online whenever she desires.
Basically, sometimes the AParents are very uncomfortable with it.
Originally posted by KathrynesMommy
Speaking to my daughters biological mother on the phone would really irk me. I'd rather just let my daughter do the majority of the talking and I'll converse with her online whenever she desires.
Basically, sometimes the AParents are very uncomfortable with it.