money for a baby???

Sorry Greentea, I didnt realize in my other post that you were the birthparent and this had happened to you. I think that it is awful that you have been placed in this position. I hope that you do not feel pressured by your boyfriend or the adoptive parents to do anything you aren't comfortable with.

Greentea, Please think about what this will mean to your child. That you deliberately conceived and gave birth to a child that you were going to give up? The child will feel like a piece of meat. It really is one thing to be in a crisis and not be able to parent, it is quite another to have a child for money. I think your heart is already telling you this is not the right thing.

I was just wondering - is what she is asking is for the bMom to be a surrogate?

Are they asking you to conceive a child 'the old fashioned way' so that they can adopt it? And offering to pay you to do it? Really? First of all, it's not legal to offer someone money to conceive a child for them - except in cases where it's a legitimate surrogacy involving attorneys, clinics, etc. Doing it 'the old fashioned way' isn't surrogacy, it's just conception. Secondly, IMHO it's not ethical. Adoption is for children whose biological parents cannot for whatever reason raise them. I'm guessing this was your reason for placing your first child - you weren't ready/able to be parents and that this was an unplanned pregnancy? This smacks of 'baby farms' - have a baby just so we can raise it. There are many others out there like you were once, pregnant but not ready to parent. They should instead be seeking those kinds of connections, rather than asking you to go through again what you did when you placed your first child, except this time intentionally getting pregnant so that they could be parents again. IMHO I would never do this nor would I ask Ryan's bparents to do so. Regina, AMom to Ryan Joshua Thomas

please, please, please don't consider this. this has red flags all over it, not to mention that i believe it's illegal. i hate that they have put you in this position and hope that you won't feel obligated to them in any way to do this.

UHG! The gall of the aparents is appalling. I've seem the pain and anguish placing her child caused my son's bmom, no matter how certain she was of her decision. I could never ask another person to knowingly go thru this for $$$, no matter how much I one day want my son to have a sibling. The idea of buying a baby - which is exactly what this is - makes my skin crawl! If you were preg with another baby and needed to place that would be one thing, but to ask you to go thru this again??? To me they are showing a distict lack of concern for you and what you went thru and would go thru again.

I'm generally not a person who behaves in an angry manner, but that makes me mad at the aparents. As an aparent myself, I find it apalling to attempt to "buy" a baby. I would suggest they look into adopting another child. If the issue is affording the costs of another adoption, maybe they should save their money awhile or try some fund raising, or consider even if they had a second child, would they be able to afford a college education for your kid? In my opinion, they're treating your body like a puppy mill. I wouldn't pay someone who owned a DOG to have a litter of puppies just for me, and to do that for a human is disturbing. Are they taking your feelings into account, that you'll have this baby in your body nine months? (I am not judging you; don't misunderstand.) Our second child is the half biosib of our first child, but we didn't have him "born for us," he was just a little surprise. No payments were involved other than occassionally going to lunch. I am of the opinion children shouldn't be "bred." Anyway, sorry to sound so hateful. I hope everything works out for you.

i agree with the above posters. this situation just doesn't sound cool. good luck in whatever you decide. :)

I am an amom. I cannot believe your baby's aparents would ask you this. I saw what my daughter's bparents had to live through in order to place their child. In a million years I would never want them to have to live through that again, not for me or anyone else. And as far as a biological sibling goes, I would hope that they would have made peace with the fact that not all families are built through biology. I hope they are just being naive and insensitve. I hope your boyfriend is suffering from temporary insanity. Please don't do this. Please let all three of them know how truly wrong it is to even ask this. Lisa

greentea, I agree with the other posters and would just like to point out one other thing. You said that you decided that you would not recieve "pictures or anything" of your son you placed less than a year ago, and that you consider him "their child". To me, this indicates that you are currently dealing with your loss by emotionally separating yourself. The adoption relationship is still very young, and you will in the future be feeling lots of different emotions about the placement. Don't assume that this will be your feeling forever. You have much to deal with still with your son's placement, please don't complicate your feelings of loss further. I can't believe that this a-couple even dared to think of such a thing, much less ask you about it. Please understand, I don't have a moral objection to surrogacy, but this is NOT surrogacy.