closed adoption/change of rules

That is sad that the Agency wouldn't help you. I would NEVER stop sending pictures to my kids birthfamilies. How long did you receive those pictures until they stopped sending them? I feel sad for you. I don't think it's right to send so many and then stop. Since the Agency won't help, do you know their first and last names and what state they are from? If you do, I would call information or get on the google and research. If you find them, I would write a letter saying you don't want to disrupt the family but you would like to have some pictures and see how your daughter is doing. That is not too much to ask for..:( I sure hope that some how you will find them.. Good luck and I am sorry that you are going through a hard time right now.. I will pray that you will find them soon... Hugs, Cathy

Cathy, Until very recently (this past year I think) LDS Family Services only allowed semi-open adoptions with agency monitored contact for the first six months. After the six months was up, contact was to stop. This isnt a case of a semi open or open adoption closing unexpectedly, and I am glad that LDS changed their policy҅I just wish theyd allow for follow up contact for the people who placed prior to their policy change.

Thank you both for responding. Because it was a closed adoption I never got their names, just their profiles. It was my understanding at the time that the six month guide line is because after that the children become more easily recognizable, so they stop sending pictures. I actually do know more than I probably should, but only because of a weird coincedence. It is a long story, but basically my daughter was born on my Mothers birthday, when she was about five my Mother worked in an LDS employment agency in Orlando. One day her boss had a friend come in and it was mentioned that it was her birthday and the guy said that he home teached a family who had adopted a little girl who had the same birth day. My Mom went to the ward and saw her, told me what her new name was (first only), and that her father was in a wheel chair. When I looked at some of the pictures they had sent, if you look close you can tell that there is a blanket situated over what looks like a wheel chair arm. My Mom also said she looked a lot like me and there wasn't any doubt for her. My Mom didn't approach the family and didn't even tell me until just before she died, she never told me what ward it was. I guess if I wanted I could hire a private detective (which I've briefly looked into, very expensive), and try to locate the family that way. But it doesn't feel right to me at all. I just miss her and wish things could be different. It is very hurtful to find out now that other birth mothers have a lot more options than I did. I felt really strongly about my child being raised in an LDS home, even though I am no longer active, which is why I chose that agency even though there were others with more open plans. I'm just second guessing, and I'm going to stop. Thanks again for allowing me to share.

Hello, We adopted a little girl through LDS Family Services about 4 years ago. The rules were that the birthmother could get pictures every month for the first year and then one picture on her second and third birthday. Then, no more pictures. I know that all our letters are monitored for content and we are no longer allowed to send pictures. Shortly after our adoption, the rules changed again. Now the letters and pictures are monitored for the first year only. After the first year, they are just forwarded. This gives the birthparents and adoptive families a lot more privacy. But, our adoption falls under the old rules and so they will keep monitoring our mail. We are now in the process of adopting another little girl. This time we did not use LDS. I really have a lot of issues with some of there policies. It has been such a different experience. We meet the birthmother and spent several days with her while she was in the hospital because she had a C Section. I hope she felt more at peace about her choice after she got to know us. She was such a lovely lady and I will have so much that I can tell my adopted daughter about her. At this time, there is no way the LDS can help you make contact. Your adoption will keep the original rules. If your birth daughter wants to meet you, she will need to sign up at a birth registry when she is an adult. She can sign up when she is 18 with her adopted parents permission, or she can sign up when she is 21 without their permission. You need to make sure that you sign up at the registries. This way they will have all your information and contact can be made as quickly as possible. I know that the waiting is hard, but 18 is only 6 years away. There is another long shot for you. You can go to the church website provident living and search the website for couples wanting to adopt. IF the family if trying to adopt again, their pictures and letter will show up on this web site. Like I said, it is a long shot, but seeing current pictures of their family and reading a birthmother letter may provide you with a little more information than you have now. It may make your wait just a little bit easier. (Since we were once featured in the profiles, I would often look at others' letters for ideas. I did run across a family in Arizona were the husband was in a wheel chair. It is a long shot but weirder things have happened.) Good luck.

This was an issue for us too! That is our biggest reason why were not using them! KimnClk

I think it is very sad that the only contact options through LDSFS until recently were very limited, but they have now begun to change their policies very drastically. Our situation was somewhat of a nightmare for our CW's but they eventually threw up their hands and gave up :) We were at the hospital during labor and were able to spend some WONDERFUL time with our daughters birthmother unsupervised by CW's. There was almost no confidentiality issues (mutually we just felt comfortable sharing information:) ) and we have been e-mailing since our daughter was born. Now that everything is finalized we have spoken on the phone and are sceduled for a visit. We are slowly tappering off contact but we will ALWAYS write and send pictures. LDSFS's new policies basically say that they will monitor contact for the first 6 months or until finalized and then it is completely up to the adoptive couple and birth parents if they want to go through the agency or open things up a bit. They no longer monitor letters and pictures after the first 6 months. Ours were never really monitored because somehow our email addresses were able to slip through in our first few letters :D

I know that the CW's were pushing for the changes and in some cases they would let things slip thru on purpose. I'm sorry that you are still hurting. I know my cousin hired a PI to find her oldest Adaughter's bparents (placed thru LDSFS). In most past cases aparents were counseled to to things that they were told was for the benefit and in the best interests of the bparents. Like no info limited pictures....basically we were told that you would be able to move on if you weren't attached and everything was done to make it hard for you to attach to the baby. Even if you find them, it could be very traumatic for everyone. A decade ago if the bmom reappeared it was to reclaim the child. If they aren't educated in open adoptions and enlightened as to the new policies, you contacting them could really freak them out. Even with all that they may be searching for you and you really just need to pray and ask if this is something you should pursue and if not then ask for peace of mind, so that it doesn't trouble you so much. I wish you all the best!