how to tell an older child hes adopted

August 2, 2004

Originally posted by snowowl

thank you to all have replied here. There is a bit more to my story. We did pick him up right from the hospital but he was a foster child with us and we did not adopt him until after he was 2. He does not remember himself as a foster child because we were always his mommy and daddy. He did visit with his bmother in jail and in a drug rehab but he was so very small that he has NO recollection of this. He did visit his bfather (alcoholic) and I do have a picture of the 2 of them together but again he was to young to remember any of this. He also has a bsister and bbrother.
I don't feel I need to tell him all this "other" info. I hope you all agree on that with me. His bmother used drugs her whole pregnancy so he does have some behavioral problems and hyperactivity but he is such a joy. He is a very bright little boy, all A's in school.
I am planning on telling him over the next few days. I just have to prepare (in my mind) what and how I want to tell him. Would you all suggest I tell him the truth if he asked if I ever met his bmother and father? I think hes to young to know ALL the facts right now.
Thanks again for all the advice. :)

My child has known about the drug use that his bparents still use. He does know about what has happened to him as a result. He still wants to meet them which is fine by us. He knows we love him. No problem with that.

He also knows that we know his bparents. His bmom is a relative, although the courts do not let her see him and he is in protective custody--even after the adoption was final. He knows about this problem, and knows who in our community is designated a "safe" person/house.

We didn't introduce the drug situation to him until he was about 9. Since then, he's known and has even asked his doctor about it. He's okay with it, as far as it can be okay.

Looking over the "story," it looks like he is more than a special little man. By all means tell him what you are comfortable with, at the same time telling him what he's comfortable with.

Good luck!