how to tell an older child hes adopted

Hi snowowl, I'm glad you were able to tell your son about his adoption.I'm adopted but have known for as long as I can remember. I see myself as having 2 mothers, both of whom are real. As an adoptee my feeling would be let your son call his birth mum his real mum if that's what he wants to do and don't feel threatened by it.I wonder if some of your delay in telling him has been out of fear because she is the "real" mum, and that makes you less "real"?That's only a hypothesis not something I believe. I think if you get caught up in a debate as to which mum is "real" any important questions and feelings he has could be supressed.At the end of the day he had no controll or choice in his adoption and as a child his feelings/welfare are of the greatest importance in all of this. I know this may come across strongly, so if it's any consolation I'm adopting myself and feel that my daughter's birth mum holds a unique position that I can never fully fill-hope that makes sense. My feeling would be answer his questions as honestly and kindly as you can.He has a right to know his history and if I imagined myself as 9 again I would want the truth even if there was pain involved in it.I would suggest you anticipate any questions and practice any answers that you will give and that you work through any difficult feelings you have so that your son is able to face his own grief(if it now surfaces),without feeling responsible for your feelings. I think even when there are very good reasons for a child not being able to stay with birth parents there may still be a grief as to why they could not stay with them.The adoptive family does not automatically eradicate the grief by providing a better place or more love.Adoption can hurt for a long,long time.