Pregnant kiwi and am deciding on adoption.

response julie.. now what have i done? :(

Julie's post might have been against TOS. I didn't see it so cant say for sure. As a bmother who found parents (locally true but further afield I would have done it similarly). I recommend contacting adoption atty's. If you want the child to live in Europe, look in England (or if you know another language) for an adoption professional. You can find a lawyer but you wouldn't be paying them. They would find the adoptive family who would cover those costs. Also, stick to your guns on whatever your wishes are. Dont let them say... well we dont do it that way... or most people do it this way... Do it the way you want to. That is how I did it. Granted it didn't yield the results I really wanted (a fully open adoption) but I really don't like bureaucracies, I don't like people telling me what to do, and I am very ... independent ;) Maia PS I hope I'm not against tos either. arg.

Thankyou Volfe, Im a newbie to this forum so am not sure what happened to Julies post but she only asked what information i was seekingl. Perhaps i should have said caucasian instead of European (since we use the term pakeha for anyone of white decent) apologies if ive confused anyone. Thankyou for replying volfe, i will look into finding a lawyer who deals in international adoption... ive read that it can be difficult to adopt children from nz but if the right parents dont live here, i would like to know there are other options.

I find that so interesting! Are you native to NZ? what does Pakeha mean in NZ? I mean, in Hawaii white people are called haoles but I think it means foreigner (yet only whites are called this). Well, I will say arm yourself with knowledge, even where atty's are concerned. You certainly don't want to find someone out to make a fast buck at your emotional and physical expense, not to mention your baby's. Try to find the laws. I cannot help you with that tonight but maybe later this week I can (I'm a single parent of two and drive 90 miles to work). I've learned a lot, and being forceful and (b*tchy) works a bit with attys. But then I know when they are trying to sway me to a position they prefer... Feel free to Private Message me if you wish. But now, I'm off to bed (is it morning there?) Maia

Thankyou Maia :D Its 2:15pm here (I forget about the time differences) And yes, i am native to nz (well for the most part, i am of Maori decent) My children look nothing like me (well perhaps a blonde version of me lol) I would be greatfull for any help or suggestions you have, thankyou. Oh and sleep well :)

The whole "money" thing has me worried... it is illegal to ask for money regarding adoption here in nz so its not an issue here but i have read something that happened recently in samoa with an "agency" who took money from American couples to adopt samoan babies.. id prefer to not go through something like this, thinking that someone is making money from a baby makes me quiet ill :/

shykiwi - I am also living in New Zealand:) Can I ask why you are you considering an international adoption? There are very few NewZealand babies available for adoption in this country and many hopeful parents. I would strongly urge you to contact The Adoption Unit in Wellington, I believe it is part of Children, Youth and Family. I would imagine your midwife would also be able to provide you with some information if you are considering adoption for your baby even your family GP would be able to assist. With you being of Maori descent do you not think it is imporatnt for your baby to be bought up in its own culture/country? Please don't think I am being judgmental, I don't mean to sound that way but please know there is a definite shortage of babies available for adoption in your own country and many couples who would welcome the opportunity to become parents.

Hi there, Please think seriously about this - being a bmother is not much fun to tell you the truth. I miss my daughter everyday - somedays I am miserable. Most Bmother's don't ever really "get over" the loss of their child. Iam in an open adoption situation and it's still a emotional rollercoaster ride but I'm thankful we do have a relationship. I know you are an adoptee who probably had a great upbringing but remember it's relatively easy to search for bparents in New Zealand. In US and England it's not so easy so if your child chooses to search it could be a long haul experience. Plus I agree with I-Thompson - what about the child's loss of his/her Maori culture? You sound like a great mum - do you just need some support to keep this baby? Do you have family support? Please also remember that your children will also suffer from the loss of this child. They will wonder about the baby for the rest of their lives. If you asked this baby what she wanted, she'd say that she just wanted to stay warm and safe with you and her siblings.

Thankyou for your replies. My family are all overseas now.. well whats left of them (i have been with the father for 9 years so he and his mother have been my family. I have already been through one abortion, i didnt want to go through that again and being an adopted child myself i do understand what it is like but i cant keep this baby. As for wanting an international adoption, my mother was dutch and lived in many countries before settling here, i traveled when i was younger (still in school) and feel strongly that IF i cant find a family suitable in nz, then i should be able to find a family for this baby somewhere else in the world. Baby's father is moving out in the weekend.. i have an appointment with winz next wed, i havent been on a benefit since i was student recieving an allowance. I dont want to be on the dpb but i know i am able to find at least a parttime job with my youngest old enough to go to childcare, if i have another baby... how will we survive? The father wanted me to have another abortion (the first was 5-6 years ago now) as it is we only just get by with me doing odd jobs, once we loose the income (and i dont know what the dpb pays) and the car (which he uses for work) im going to be a solo mum of 5 children.. i dont want to bring another child into this mess, not if she/he has a chance for a better life somewhere else.

Oh I re-read your posts and you've clarified that you want a white couple, right? So they could live in NZ? I was kinda tired last night and not getting it I guess. I know the sadness of abortion and understand ya there. I have been a birthmother for so long (in open adoption) I can finally see how open adoption works for the adoptee. I hate to inflict you with my opinion so I just try to say learn as much as you can... No, I will tell you my opinion on my own children's adoptions... I want them to be able to learn their culture. I do not grow up in it, but I've always known it to some extent... my father's family owned a lot of land in a small area in SE Louisiana. Some of his family's ancestors are Canary Islanders. Some are Creole. There is an Irish Castle in my history. These are things I want these children to have: stories of their culture. I want their siblings to know them and love them. I want them to all grow up having known each other. I want them to be close and hope that one day they will be (long story). An open adoption can just mean pictures and letters. It can be a door that can open to more later if anyone wishes. It's flexible. I can empathize with the idea of having that extra baby in your life. That extra child. That extra mouth to feed. I totally wanted my baby girl born last October. I held her close and nursed her and loved her for 3 days. Three days I was her only Mom. I waffled back and forth forever. But I placed her so she could have the chance at a better life. Ultimately I pray she goes to college and has a chance at succeeding on her own, something I had to fight a hard road for. I was scared of being a single parent with three kids. I am in awe of you for being one with four :) I am just not strong enough (not patient enough). consider I-Thompson's words. She is wise and posts often. I think it fortuitous that she is also in NZ!! Consider keeping your baby nearby. I do not know what you need to do in NZ though but sounds like she might :) All the best to you! Maia

My heart goes out to you. I can't imagine how it would be to be in your shoes. Although I have to say, in these times of the "me, me, me, generation" you are certainly bucking the trend. I clicked on this purely from curiosity. My husband and I are Kiwi's considering adoption, and I was hoping to find a birthmum's point of view before we made a decision. I found it. We already have three boys of our own, and although it is TOTALLY UN-PC to say so, we are hoping for a daughter. Do you think we could talk a little more about being adopted?

Hey Skykiwi I also am adopted and I have been so blessed with my family. My birth parents contacted me out of the blue when I was 16yrs and my birthparents are together and I have full blooded brother and 2 sisters. The contact I have been honoured to have and I love my extened family. We all get on so well. It really can work. I think what your doing is a huge thing and some may jugde you. But what you are doing is so selfless and you want what is best for your baby. [Edited to Remove Terms Of Service Violation] Community Websites are NOT places for adoptive parents or adoption professionals to solicit birthparents. So many people visit the Community Websites that birthmothers get "pounced on" from dozens of different people if this rule is not strictly observed. Adoption Media is committed to making the Community Websites places where birthparents feel safe. It is not appropriate for adoption professionals or hopeful parents to post "I can help" messages, or Internet addresses for birthmothers to visit, or to send this type of e-mail to birthmothers. This includes third parties soliciting for friends.

If I may clarify: Do you think we could talk more about being adopted. I was hoping to find adoptees to talk to, to get their view on being adopted. I have since found many adoptees and their views in the US forums, which has helped me to resolve my feelings of guilt about adopting, even though I can have my own children.

Hi shykiwi I wanted to wish you luck with your decision. Also, to let you know if you go through cyps here in NZ that they leave the choice of parents up to you. There are lots of couples from a whole variety of backgrounds wanting to adopt here. Anyway, best of luck Im sure it is really tough for you right now. Louise

The whole "money" thing has me worried... it is illegal to ask for money regarding adoption here in nz so its not an issue here but i have read something that happened recently in samoa with an "agency" who took money from American couples to adopt samoan babies.. id prefer to not go through something like this, thinking that someone is making money from a baby makes me quiet ill Alexa check out my [URL=http://www.darwinadventure.com/galapagos-archipelago.htm]Galapagos Archepelago[/URL] , website