open adoption versus closed

Ours was a family adoption (we adopted our grand-niece) so a closed adoption really wasn't an option for us. But I sometimes really wish it had been. I read so many stories of adoptive parents who are "best friends" with the birthmoms. We're not. We have nothing in common. When we do see each other it is several hours of listening to her blame her life on everyone else. There is never any attempt to develop a consistant relationship with our daughter, let alone signifigant interaction. And yet I'd take a visit with her any day over visits with birthdad. Then there are all the negatives that have developed with family members. Some treat us like any other parents, others treat us as though we are just babysitting, and some ignore the whole thing completely. But I'm sure that in certain cases open adoptions work for all...

I vote open adoption. I have seen closed adoptions ruin to many lives.

Ours is a fully open integrated adoption - meaning we all think of each other as family, not 'adoptive' or 'birth' family. It is unusually open. This is what we chose together. We've found this to be a very satisfying relationship. When we've had medical questions, they've been available. When Ryan has questions about his placement, family history, etc. we'll all be there to fill him in. He has access to the same 'history' as children being raised by their biological parents, though his history comes from more sources. He will never wonder why he was placed, who his biological parents are, etc. It is not always easy, even when you like each other, are all focused on your child, and all committed to the plan. It is very worth it though. HTH, Regina, AMom to Ryan Joshua Thomas

Our adoption is failry open with our dd's bfather. It's not always easy, but I do feel that it is in the best interest of the child to know of the love their birth family has for them. Maybe you could consider a semi-open adoption where you send letters and pictures only. That way you would have access to any medical records you may need, and your child can choose for themselves if they want contact when they are older.

The whole process such a long journey. Our adoption is a semi open one I guess. Our bparents were from another state. When we were matched with them, they moved to our state for the last 4 months of pregnancy. We got to know them well. Although, we knew once they had this baby, they would return home. They had our number to call us anytime they wanted to check on our dd. At first, dh and I were skeptical, and they did call. But soon enough, the calls became more infrequent. From once a week to once a month to once every 3 to 6 months. I was always happy to hear from them to see how they were doing and just to know how much they loved our dd as well. Lo and behold, 2 years later, she became pregnant again, and we were honored that we were the first ones they called to ask if we wanted a ds!! OF COURSE!!! Now we have 2 beautiful children and we couldn't be happier. You never know what can happen. By the way, when they were here for the birth of our ds, we allowed them to see how dd was doing and they were even there to witness the first meeting between dd and ds. It was amoment I don't think any of us will forget. I suggest you leave your options open, and make your decision when the time comes. You will know what is right for you and your future family!! Sorry this was so long. Good luck to you and you dh!!!!!

I think that birthmoms should choose if it will be open or closed or semi open if she is giving up her rights voluteerlily. I think it should be her right to decide.