Missing and wondering about my sons

I gave up my 2 sons in 2001. I know what I did was right for them. I could not take care of them due to their " father" harassing and stalking us all the time. He made repeated calls to DCF and even went as far as to try to hit us with his car one day. The police would do nothing about him. Dcf stepped in and took the kids and I tried fighting them but the stress of losing them and his constant harassment I couldn't take it any more. I quit fighting in 2001 They were 4 and 3. The worker told me they would be kept together. For the past couple of years I have tried to put them from my mind saying I did what was right. But now I'm having doubts especially since I am now married and have 2 new children. I guess mostly I am angry that I gave up on my sons they never gave up on me no matter how bad things got. Now I am trying to just get information on how they are. If they are adopted I don't want to take them from a loving home I just would like information about them once in awhile. I need people to talk to and just recently found another birthmother who is helping me thru all these emotions. She is helping me to find out where my sons are at and if they have been adopted or not. I think that if I didn't have her right now I would be a mess right now. I think that is why I have a need to work so much. I think I work so I don't have to think. That's all I have to say for now but I know I'll be back later and have more to say as I ride this roller coaster ride. I guess the saying would go " buckle up and hold on tight"