Did you or are you foster-adopting a sibling group?

I had to respond, too, although I haven't adopted a sibling group yet. I sure am trying, though! I agree with you--there is a surreal cognitive dissonance between the message that there is this dire need to find adoptive homes for siblings and the long waits that face those who want to do so. I attribute a lot of it to bureaucratic inefficiency and the resistance to interstate compacts. One thing I find encouraging is when I look at the photolistings, some states also have a section where they show you kids who've found their families. It is encouraging proof that sometimes, improbable as it seems, people do in fact get to adopt children, and even sibling groups. I would say that your interest in adopting biracial children and your experience as a parent has to help your odds. There are lots and lots of kids in California--a shocking number, in fact. Plus, California reputedly is resistant to placing kids out of state, and they do seem to skirt the very edge of complying with the Multiethnic Placement Act. These are not good qualities in a child welfare system, but in your case, I think they work to your advantage. Have you gone to the adoption parties? They don't have them here in IL, and I would bet it's kind of a hard experience, but it would be a great opporunity to network with social workers, which is key. I believe they have special events for AA children. Check out [url]http://www.cakidsconnection.com[/url] to get the dates for the adoption parties. I understand your worker has to get you the invite, but I'm not sure. I think you have to be very proactive, and your participation on these boards shows that you're that, so that's good for your chances, too. Best of luck. Let us know when you're matched! We could all use the encouragement of hearing about other people's success.

DH and I will ONLY consider sibling groups of 2 girls (based mostly on the furniture - white with a floral stensil). We are looking at placements where the girls are in grade 7 or up, so pre-teens and teens. We are in CA and are currently under consideration for twin 13 yo girls in another state. We had a teen placement that disrupted after her social worker offered her emancipation!! Long story!! We believe that many of her problems came from seperation from her half siblings which we did not control. Hence our refusal to even consider a single placement. And yes - people have very strange because we are only considering siblings and teens at that! Personally, we like teens. Our biological kids are boys ages 18 and 22 and a daughter age 24. Good Luck. The match meeting for the twins is early October. We are very hopeful. :)

Katey, I am so excited for you! I think it's fantastic that you want to adopt teenagers. I am sure you get a lot of negative reactions to your adoption plans--we sure do, and we'd like to adopt kids 0-10. People who react that way are acting out their own insecurities and limitations. I know that, and yet I still find it extremely irritating. But enough about the idiots! Please let us know how it goes! With your experience parenting teens, you are an invaluable resource. And the girls will be great blessing to your family. I am also sorry to hear of your disruption. That must be a tremendous grief. And the fact that a social worker would encourage a teenager who was fortunate enough to find an adoptive home to emancipate!--that must make it all the worse. No one could replace that child, but I do hope you have a successful adoption of the twins, and that your adoption will help bring you healing and happiness. Peace.

Tybeemarie, Thank you for the encouragement and for acknowledging our grief. The orders were VERY strange for our daughter that disrupted. For example, we had and they have allowed us to retain De Facto Parent status with the child. So at least we will be notified of any action taken in court. Another example, she is allowed unsupervised phone, e-mail, and in-person contact with her, BUT we are not allowed to contact her and tell her that she can (and believe me, the idiot social worker who spent so much time trying to convince her and the courts that she was unadoptable - actually stated in court docs, sure as heck is not going to). So we worry and still love her dearly. Our worker and others believe that she will call some day. We hope so. On the positive side, our social worker was impressed with our ability to stand by her through a very trying pre-placement and disruption and sees it as positive that we still love her and remain committed to helping her in any way legal. She truly has a family and hopefully someday she will realize that. We are very excited about the twins though - and a little afraid of feeling hurt if things do not go our way at the match meeting. We are doing some heavy duty praying for good things on October 7. Katey

Katey, I am confident that one day your daughter WILL realize that she has a family. The fact that you all love her, that you stuck through all of the legal and bureaucratic mess for her--these things mean a lot to her, I'm sure, even if due to past experiences she cannot express that to you, or maybe even to herself. You are the difference between her being loved and unloved. That is a life-changing difference. You also should cut yourself some slack on feeling a little afraid about the emotional risk involved. The emotional risks in this process are enormous, and very few people are willing to take them on. If things don't work out--and I really, really hope they do--you will absolutely be very hurt. But don't the kids deserve to have people in their lives who would grieve their loss? And wouldn't you be an emotionally and spiritually impoverished person if you weren't hurt by such a turn of events? I think there is the temptation to try to protect yourself somehow, so that it won't hurt. Well, there is just no avoiding the hurt. You can drive it down, but it will come back up, and not always in healthy ways. So, I think we just have to go forth openly, with all the risks that entails. Know that I will be joining you in prayer and in high hopes for your visit in October--so exciting!

i wanted to respond. I am in the los angeles county area and am in the process of adopting two sisters, 6 and 4. our wait was not very long at all. we actually got matched before we even finished our homestudy. i know that in los angeles county sibling homes are also in great need. i really don't know how many families are willing to accept. we really do need more people who will accept more than one child in the same family. well good luck to everyone.

Wow, that is great that you are adopting a sib group. We are opened to a sib group too. However I have been concerned about the courts, do you have to go to court or does your social worker inform you of everything? just wondering we are in San Bernardino.

I am in CO, so don't know about the timelines for you in CA. However, we adopted a sibling group of 4 a little over 2 years ago and it's been a blessing in more ways than I can count. 4 times the hugs, kisses, refrigerator art, fun, and "I love yous". And yes, 4 times the mess, bickering, attention, food, and laundry (make that 6 times the laundry because sometimes 1 outfit a day is just not enough!) ha ha. Can't say that anyone is really prepared for multiple additions in any family and you just have to dive in and find what works. All the usual factors are there with the issues, past history etc. and with siblings, they are all affected differently by these things. So what you may need to do for one child you may not necessarily do for another. It takes time to see all of that and know what their needs are. The most important advice I got in the beginning was to set up a daily routine immediately and stick to it. It really really helped me and them. With so much confusion in their lives, the routine became a safety net for them as they knew right from the beginning how things were going to go. Little things like breakfast, teeth brushing, getting dressed, etc. were the same every day and it's comforting to them to know that. I included individual time in the routine as well, in order to ensure they all got that. At first it was very chaotic and some things weren't working. So I think you need to be very flexible and just go with the flow to make the necessary changes, and figure out a way to make those changes without making the kids feel unsafe. It takes time, but it does work. At least in my opinion. Katey - I had a chuckle from your post about only taking girls due to the white couch. I have 3 boys and 1 girl and let me tell you! My daughter is messier at times than all 3 boys combined! ha ha. 2momsforOlivia - Since you do have a daughter already, I would recommend that you not adopt children older than her. While I don't have personal experience in this area, it seems to be the strongest point that others have made. Good luck to everyone in finding your forever sibling group! Crick

Hello I am new to the forum and our family is in the process of a Fostadopt. Our adoption process has been quite smooth so far. We were not in a hurry and have done it slowly over the last year. We completed the Foster care licensing regamond with a private agency and are now working with the State. At our 2nd meeting with our social worker we were told about a sibling set a 6 yr old boy and a 3 yr old girl and that they would be a good match to our family. That was two weeks ago and even though we are not done with our home study we have begun meeting with the children and they are slated to move in 12/19/04 - quite a Christmas present! We have a beautiful 20 month old biological daughter already so our family is growing quickly. The mother of these children has already had her rights terminated so they are ready for adoption. I have heard the horror stories and hope things continue on ther current path of relative ease. Just wanted to say hello and relate my happy experiences with sibling adoption. Joe

That is really exciting Joe, best of luck with everything. Was that the age group that you were looking for at the beginning of your journey? Keep us updated it is great to follow everyones journey. Karen

Hi, just wanted to follow up with those who were on this thread. My husband and I got our beloved sibling group in November. We now have a 6 year old daughter, a 7 year old son, and a 9 year old daughter. Life can be hectic, but it is good. We see improvements in the kids alreay, as do the workers and the therapists. For those waiting, it took us about 9 months to get our children. It might have taken less time--we visited with these children in the summer and were chosen to adopt them when their foster mother changed her mind and filed to keep them. She won and we were never to see them again. Then she decided to give them up, demanded that they be removed, and we got them with 3 hours notice. About the same time, we were potentially matched with, but did not meet, a sibling group of 3 girls, ages 3, 5, and 6. I am latina, so we were looking for latino kids. So, as you face the wait, have courage! It is a terrible process, but eventually, you will be matched, even if it feels like you never, never will. Hang in there!

Hi Congratulations and thank you for the inspirational note. Keep in contact, I would love to hear the trials and tribulations you have gone thru with your children. Karen

Hi guys, We too are seeking a sibling group of 3 and have two bio daughters. It appeared as though we were going to be matched with a sibling set early in our process, but a family member stepped up at the last minute and appears to be working out. We are also in alignment with the recommendation that the children be younger than our youngest so are seeking 3 under 7. YIKE:eek: We are eager to identify another sibling group that will fit well into our family and is available. We, too, are a bi-racial couple seeking AA children. We have been told this should speed our process to some degree. However, when I look on cakidsconnection.com, I see very few sibling groups that meet the under 7 guideline for us. I am eager to put names/faces to the ideas we have for our family, but know it will happen when the time is right. I am interested to see everyone's wait times as we were hoping to have a sib-set by Christmas, and what I am seeing is that it may not be possible. Best of luck to you all and we'll keep you updated.

We were placed with three sibs in CA and, one by one, they have removed two and left us with only one. The last one to leave left just the other day and he had been with us since birth for 18 months. He and his sister, whom we're adopting are extremely close and it's nothing short of a tragedy that they are being separated like this. She is only 2 1/2 and he was her best and constant friend and she is so broken over it. Be very careful that if you take siblings they are all on the same track and they all belong to the same parents. If not, it can be the most painful experience you'll ever go through. The sounds this little girl makes at night when she is mourning the fact that her brother is not here in her bedroom with her are simply not anything that should come from a 2 1/2 year old. This is purely unconscionable.

Hi, That is heart wrenching. I feel so bad for her and him. I can't remember what county you are from, did you know that it was a possibility that they could take two of the children back? When will the adoption for the little girl be finalized? Did you Fost-Adopt? We are still waiting it has been a year since we started the process of adopting with San B county and I feel like it will never happen some times. I feel like maybe we did not have enough options in our home study or we checked the wrong box somewhere in our file. We have had one call in July but nothing happened from it. Any advice?