Here's my story!!! Yay!!!

Michelle's Story: I knew I was pregnant before I even missed my first period. That was mid August. My period was due on Sept 8th and on the ninth I took a pregnancy test. Of course it was positive! I was pretty excited. I knew even then that I would not parent the baby I was carrying. I already had an older daughter- Karma- and had decided when I was a young girl myself I would only have one child unless my first happened to be twins! I always knew I would place into adoption any child I had after that. Now it was just up to my boyfriend to either agree with my plan or dismiss it. He also had known years before that I never wanted to parent again. I told him shortly after I took the positive test that I was pregnant and that it was my desire to place her for adoption. Yep that's right, HER. I was sure she was a girl and always referred to her that way. I was lucky and the ultrasound showed her to be a girl. He just said whatever decision you make I will support it. He did want to parent her for a while, but knew that we shouldn't bring her home knowing we both didn't truly want to be parents again. Josh has 2 boys already. One is 8 and he visits us about 3 times a year, until this summer when Josh took more of an interest in him since he was sad about placing, but unfortunately Josh has now cut back in his contact with his older boy. His other son he has only seen once. The younger boy is being raised by his maternal grandparents. I was hoping Josh would wait until 3 months had passed before telling anyone, but of course count on a guy to spill the beans! He told my dad when he met him downtown at a bar playing one of the bands they both take an interest in. Josh's brother was also there, so he told them both at once! I was pretty angry. I had miscarried before and I didn't want to tell anyone until I passed the "danger point" OK and since I was not planning to parent. Had my dad not found out I probably wouldn't have told them until they said hey, "Your looking kind of pregnant!". My dad waited to talk to me until I brought it up. He was okay with whatever decision I made. My sister didn't believe me when I told her. I told my mom by bringing T and D's profile to her and saying these people are going to be parents soon. I'm having a baby and she will be going with them. My mom cried. She thought it was sad that she would never see her grandbaby again (she knew nothing of open adoption) and happy that people who could never be parents on their own would have that chance. I would say I didn't choose adoption. Adoption chose me. I used to tell people when I was younger (ages 18 to 21) that I wanted to have a baby for someone who couldn't. I have decided that if I ever by chance become pregnant again and T and D have not adopted their second baby yet, they will definitely be my first choice again! They are awaiting a second baby! Adoption is something I never saw as a negative thing. If a few years go by and they are still waiting, I may purposely get pregnant so they may complete their family, but I have not made a final decision to that as of yet. Hopefully someone will choose them and I will stop thinking of how nice it is to be pregnant! I would like to say though, that I was not trying to become pregnant but I wasn't not trying either. I have nothing but good things to say about adoption. I am fully aware that I could have received financial aid if I fell into the wage requirements for that, and that I would have had tons of family support had I chose to parent. I never felt like adoption was something I HAD to do, that I had no choice. I know some first moms are made to feel that way and sometimes end up regretting their adoption choice. I am very happy about my adoption plan and the wonderful parents I chose for Kara. Even if they chose to close the adoption, I know I will be OK. Fortunately for me they seem to be everything they said they were and have been very open with me and my entire family. For our first visit (and only one so far) my mom, moms boyfriend, my dad, sister, her fianc, her son Connor (almost 2 yrs old), Josh, and my daughter Karma all were able to come along! Kara's parents were able to be there for the entire labor and delivery. D was my labor coach! We had a great time going to Lamaze together! I wanted D to be the first to hold Kara. I also didn't name her. I let T and D give her a name right away. They chose Kara just a week before I finally popped! They said it also has a bit of special meaning- It is my daughters name without the m (Karma - m = Kara!) But they chose the middle name shortly after meeting me. They said they wanted her middle name to be my first name! I was overjoyed that they wanted to use my name as part of hers! I actually haven't been overly sad or depressed about Kara being with her parents. I had one sad night about the adoption- It was the night of the third week when I said "Oh My, I will never tell her a bedtime story and rock her to sleep!" Then I cried all night. I have since accepted that. I knew I would miss her first steps, her first words, and all those other things, but when I was thinking of the things I would not do, I never thought about that. I cried in the hospital, but that was because my boyfriend was sad and I didn't know how to make him better. While my hormones were going back to normal I only had one other moment when I was sad. It was a "she's gone sad" that lasted while I read their first email after they brought her home. I have never been sad that she is with someone else or that I am not her mommy if that makes any sense.