Would like honest opinions from birthparents please (m)

There is no one answer to that. Every birthparent is different. Some want their child to have close siblings. I placed my Munchkin with a family who had much older children from a previous marriage because it was a similar family structure to that of my own. It doesn't hurt to try.

well I know that as soon as Kara's parents can get their profile back out there, they are going to. They are afraid of a long wait as they are a bit older, and were just about to give up on domestic when they got "the call". It wouldnt deter me had I wanted a couple who had children already what age they were, however I wanted my child to be an oldest/only child.

Hello Everyone, Those of you first moms who have placed a baby before make mention of you "looked" for certian criteria in finding the right adoptive parents for your child - Where did you look? Facilitators, agencies, on the internet??? My husband and I have a 5 year old son and have hired a facilitator in So. CA, and chosen an adoption attorney. We have only been waiting for approx. 3 mos with the facilitator, but we want to search all avenues for another child. We are open to Open Adoption. We have told all of our relatives and friends. co-workers etc., that we are wanting to add to our family. Thank you in advance for your help. Hugs & Prayers Terri

c21terri Since a potential birth mother could be any pregnant woman, and stereotypes are kinda pointless... I'd just get the word out wide-spread-like. Have you started your own thread on this? Just a suggestion. Many other adoptive parents have similar threads asking what you ask. How do we find a potential birth mother? (remember she's just a mother until she signs that paper) Placing doesn't just depend on finances, family, socio-economic status, there are just so many reasons... Good luck Maia

we have waited for a second placement for almost 3 years, why ,i dont know?? we are very open to many many ,many things, anyways, thanks bmoms for answering, i always felt that we hadnt got a placement yet because we have a child already(adopted) what do i know???lol....really though, a great thread and thanks so much for honesty! mary

Personally i'd be fine with this - I'm 30 and my husband is 41 so i'd prefer aparents who were closer to our ages. My main concern would be about childcare/support for two under 2 yrs old.

personally I would look on aparents with more approval if their first bmom wrote of her support of their further adopting efforts in their profile......I made one for my son's aparents and the agency recently informed me (w/ permission) that they had begun to look again. B was 1 year in june 05,and while I wouldn't want kids so close, it works better for some, especially when one or both aparents is edging into"older"

Great questions. In my situation, I had a 2 year old and a 2 week old when we learned of a young woman who needed a family to raise her baby. We offered and about a month later, she accepted. (VERY long story shortened!!!) My daughters are 6 months and 2 days apart. It is very similar to having twins, only I think maybe a little easier since one was a little more independant when the her sister was born. We knew we wanted a larger family and that we didn't want large gaps between the children (if possible...no one can predict for certain!) Our duaghter's birth mom is very happy that the girls are so close and thinks this will help them be even closer as sisters. I agree since my sister and I are 5 years apart and growing up we were always at different milestones in our lives. We didn't "get" each other. I am expecting and our daughter's birth mom is excited for us. We are all happy that "our" baby gets to be a BIG sister! I think each family is different and each adoption dynamic is unique. You cannot predict what a perspective birth mother is going to be looking for. Just present your honest information and accurately give your situation and in God's time, she will come to you...and it will be the PERFECT fit! She may be looking for your exact situation! She may not know what she is looking for in detail, but the information you give might strike a cord with her. Many couples (regardless of how they desire to grow their families) may want children close in age. It is up to you and your husband when you start trying again. People will always...ALWAYS have an opinion! We got all sorts of questions when we got pregnant with our 2nd...we floored everyone when we adopted only 6 months after our 2nd was born...and many think we are utterly insane for having a 4th child. We don't care. We are not doing any other this for others. We love our children and we love our family...and we love every child God gives us, regardless of how or when He brings that child into our lives. Just be honest. It will work out. :)

My children are 8 months apart. How do you answer the question of are they twins? I want a better answer than no we adopted one and the other was a surprise. I have tried to just say no but then people keep asking questions. My babies look very much alike. They are approximately the same size and both have blonde hair and blue eyes.

To be honest, we have had a little fun with it! We either get "how old are your kids" or "are they twins"...or sometimes, "are they all yours"? When asked their age we tell them and and some people are paying attention and realize they are 6 months apart. Other people are just asking to make small talk similar to "how are you doing?"...they don't really care so the info isn't important enough for them to pay attention. For those who ARE paying attention, it is sorta fun to watch them "do the math" in their head and then sit there wondering "how does THAT work? Should I ask? WOuld it be rude?" If the person has been kind, we generally put them out of their misery by letting them know. SOme assume, due to the current climate of blended families, that some are mine and some are my husband's... or some mix of his, hers and ours. I try to remember that people are usually not trying to be rude. They really are interested and are usually very happy to hear how we have blessed to grow our family with adoption. I am insulted by questions that include "they can't ALL be yours" or "how many ARE you going to have" or "surely you are done now" or "are you going to have your tubes tied" or "was this baby planned" or even "would you like some information on birth control?" So many inappropriate questions that make us seem freakish for wanting a family larger than 2 or 3 children or too stupid to know how babies are made! For heaven sake, I am an adult, married woman with kids...I do have a clue, thank you very much! Those people just get "the look". The "you are a moron" look! I'll say "why do you ask" and feel less of a need to be polite...although I TRY! I thought about getting a "YES! This was a planned pregnancy!" maturnity t-shirt because I have been asked sooooo many times about it! I personally do not worry about letting people who have acted in a kind, friendly, way that my daughter is adopted because it is 1)fact and 2) nothing I am ashamed of. She will always know she is adopted...just part of her personal history. We don't want to "drop the adoption bomb" when she is of a certain age. We are very open about it and my oldest will sometimes say "I came from your tummy and J came from D's tummy!" We talk about her birth mom at home and have a few pictures of her when she was pregnant, in the hospital, and holding our daughter...also pix of her family. I'd say your response should be dependant on the person asking the questions. Are they just nosy? Rude? If so, don't go into it. If you don't know them and your kids are very young, just say "yes they are" and walk away or "no, they are not" and walk away...no explaination. It is up to you how much info you want to give. You don't owe anyone an explaination, but you may enjoy telling the story and it might bless someones day to hear it. You never know what their perception of adoption is and you might be able to shed some light on it and let them see the joy and love that is involved in an adoption. You never know what fruit such seeds can produce.