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I am pregnant, and I am almost sure I want to make an adoption plan. I say almost because I really haven't looked into these things in depth and I have only known about this pregnancy for two weeks. Not enough time for anyone to really think about something like this. But nevertheless I am thinking about it a lot.
I don't want to tell my life story, but my boyfriend and I have been together awhile, but I am only 19 and not ready to give everything up to parenthood yet. I know I want to be somebody's mother someday-- but I know just as much that I don't want it to be now! I really just don't feel ready. I know I could take care of a baby if I really had to, as I've done it before. But I know I have options and I don't have to do this and that is really comforting.
I am not in a good situation at home. My parents are separated and I am not on my mom's good side at all. She is ready to kick me out. I have a car I have been making payments on but it is in her name.
I just don't know what I am going to do really. I've heard if you are considering adoption there are places you can go if you get kicked out. This may sound really silly but I don't want to leave my dog behind. I feel like even being pregnant is going to compromise everything that I have now that is good and that I love. But I really would rather do an adoption than an abortion.
Are there adoptive parents out there who would help someone in my situation? I am planning on talking with someone about it, but I really don't know who to go to. I am planning on contacting an agency eventually but even just typing "adoption" into a search engine or visiting this site pops up tons of ads with smiling (or troubled looking) girls with "Pregnant? Click here!" It is so overwhelming, I feel like a commodity or something.
How do you navigate all this? Help!
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Sounds like you are in a tough position right now I agree. Maybe look in your local phone book to find some resources that might be able to help you. I'm sure there is something in your area - you just have to find it!! Maybe call the county that you live in human services dept. & someone there can point you in the right direction. If you decide not to parent your baby there are many loving families out there that are willing to adopt your baby & even allow you to remain in contact with them & the baby.I know things seem really tough right now but hang in there!We'll be glad to help you any time you need it if we can & if you want to send me a private message feel free.
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I encourage you to get in touch with Brenda Romanchik at Open Adoption Insight (google it). She's a birthmom and an adoption educator. She does not operate a child placing agency - so she has no personal interest in whether you ultimately choose to parent, place or terminate. I've found her to be one of the most unbiased professionals out there and a great resource.
Best of luck,
Regina
I encourage you to shy away from talking to adoptive parents for the time being and research without the pressure of knowing that people want your baby. Believe me, I am not saying that all adoptive parents in waiting are out to "steal" your child for that simply isn't true. It's just that often times their judgement can be clouded by their overwhelming love for a child... which is actually to be commended.
I would suggest starting to research, as one member posted, with Brenda Romanchik. After that, hop over to the birthparents forum to get a feel for what birthparenthood is like. After that, start researching your options, such as private/independent adoption or agency adoption.
As for your dog, if you're planning on going to a maternity home sponsored by one of the "big" agencies, I would suggest simply leaving your dog with a friend so that you can have it when you get home. I'm not sure of the rules on pets in those places but I would assume it is a big NO due to the fact that people can be allergic and pregnancy hormone changes can make allergies that are usually okay simply unbareable.
And as for simply typing adoption into a search engine, I challenge you to not only look at national agencies, but at your local (or as close to local as you can get) agencies. The smaller ones are more personable. The big ones have a lot of lures but rarely do they have the same post-placement services as the mom-and-pop agencies. I went through a big agency I found via the internet and though I was blessed with a perfect situation, I was treated horribly and will never forgive them for treating me that way. Just open your phone book to Adoption Services or search online in the biggest "city" near you.
I have to agree with Jenna... Call someone that is completely non biased one way or the other. Also, don't make a decision quickly. Give yourself time to find out what all the options are. It is a lot easier to make decisions when you are completely informed. You need to get as many of your questions answered as possible before you choose. Just remember that we are all here.
Tracey
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I'd just like to offer myself for any questions you may have, since I was in a similar situation as far as my relationship was concerned when I chose adoption for my birthson. I'm 27 now, I was 25 at the time he was born, and though the baby's father is now my husband, I knew that we weren't ready at the time for children and I know I made the right decision. Sure, I wonder every day what it would be like to have my birthson with me, but I have an open adoption and can have occasional contact with the family to know he's okay. I, too, had a feeling as soon as I found out I was pregnant that adoption would be the way I would go, but it's a long process and you'll know in your heart what's right for your baby. I am also adopted myself, and though I know nothing about my birthparents and would like to find them, I'm comfortable with the fact that I'm adopted because I've been loved by my adoptive family and I'm sure my birthmother had good reasons for her decision as well.
Lainey85,
It sounds as though you're giving this alot of time and thought. That's great. If you've only known for about 2 weeks that you're pregnant, then it sounds like you have some time to do your research regarding adoption, parenting, etc... However, I understand that you are also probably wanting to look into medical care, etc for your baby, so you probably feel a bit pressured. Luckily, most places that you work with (in regards to adoption) do not make you choose adoptive parents, etc before you are able to receive mecical care, housing, etc which is a great thing. You don't even have to be 100% certain that adoption is your choice prior to speaking with them. If you decide to parent your baby, then that agency/lawyer should support you 100% in your decision.
My recommendation would be to take your time, do your research, place some emails, and see how you feel after speaking to someone. There are several agencies out there that will always have your interests first before adoptive parents....and you can usually tell which ones those are with a phone conversation.
Regarding needing a place to live, there are several places that provide maternity homes for women just like you. I doubt, however, that bringing your dog would be an option (although I totally respect you for that...I can barely leave my dog for a weekend without feeling guilty..HAHA!). I agree with the person that recommended getting a friend to keep him/her temporarily.
Let me know if you need any more help, advice, recommendations, etc. You can even PM me if you want. I know it must be so frustrating to be going through this and not feeing like you can talk to your mom about it....I'm sorry.
Thanks for all the replies and support. I have been thinking about this a lot more. Also thanks to everyone who sent supportive pms. I checked out the websites you sent me and they were helpful. Sorry I haven't replied to you individually, but I have a lot on my mind right now. Hopefully you understand and know that your words are appreciated.
I am starting to feel panicked. There really is no turning back now. I am going to have to make some sort of decision about this. I am worried about the car, where I will stay, doctor's visits, etc. I was planning on starting college next term. I quit my job recently and I am really broke.
Leaving the dog with someone else isn't an option for me. I don't want to reveal too much identifying info, but she is a very large dog (giant dog) and I just don't know anyone else who could take care of her. None of my friends are in a position to take her. LOL she just came over and put her head on my shoulder. She has seriously been my number one comfort for years now and I just don't know what I'd do without her!
For now I am trying to think about the decisions I HAVE to make now, and put the decisions I can make later to the side. I have to tell my family about this. It is too hard though. Then I will know for sure where I stand. If no one in my family can help me and i have no place to go, then I really can't even continue this pregnancy. Which would be upsetting to me but not as upsetting as loosing everything I love now. I have a feeling if my parents won't support my my aunt and uncle will and they would welcome both me and my dog. But I would really miss my parents a lot. Not to mention my friends. They live far away. And college would have to be put off as well.
Anyway wish me luck and I will keep everyone updated.
I just wanted to wish you luck with telling your family about your situation. I had a pretty strained relationship with my mother as a teen and became pregnant at 16. The hardest part was telling my parents, but once it was out in the open they realized that they couldn't "parent" me anymore and they took on the role of friend/advisor, and our relationship grew much stronger (especially with my mom). You have the added benefit of being an adult. I guess what I'm trying to explain is that the worst part of it all was the worry that I felt about telling them, not actually telling them, and I hope that your parents will be as supportive as mine were.:)
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Lainey,
You're going through such a difficult time.
(((Hugs))))
I don't want to overwhelm you with opinions and ideas, but I just wanted to say two things:
First, take this one step at a time. To me, I think the first step is telling your mom. I realize that will be extremely difficult, but you need to know her response (is she going to kick you out of the house or not?) before you can really do anything else... you need to know if you can continue to stay with her or not.
Second, I strongly recommend NOT contacting your county. (Sorry, don't mean to offend the previous poster who suggested this.) If you do this and they discover you are "homeless" (if your mom kicks you out), you could be faced with them "investigating" your situation. You don't strike me as a dead-beat mom who needs to have her child ripped from her for the child's sake, and I'd hate for you to have to go through that.
Talk to your mom... maybe talk to your aunt and uncle first, see if they'd be willing to take you in if need be... that way if she throws you out, you at least have a place to go to. Remember that if you do move in with them, it doesn't have to be permanent... it could just be until you find a new place.
(((Hugs))) to you in this difficult time,
Nicole