CP Teen

September 27, 2004

I currently have two fd's. one is 11 and about as normal as a chlid in her situation can be. the other, J, is 12 and has CP. i've had these girls since the begining of summer (on the verge of 5 months as of making this post) and am wondering if the fd with CP might need a theraputic home.

I've mentioned this to the sw and she just sighed and said "But we would have to seperate the girls then." which made me regret even saying anything, because i really dont want the girls seperated, but J is just a little 3 yr old in a big 12 yr olds body so she's an aweful lot of work.

i'm thankfull for everything that she can do for herself, because i know that her disability could be alot worse and make her life alot harder, but also i stress about how differently she must be treated, the maintance, and mainly her behaviour. Apparently J's been alowed to do whatever J wants to and hasn't had to follow any kind of direction. Now i know that shes about on the working level of a toddler, but shes so much harder to discipline because of her many years experiance with getting her way, and just her plain size and strength.

maybe i just need to vent my frustrations about this but i really feel like i'm getting no where with her. Everyone says she's gotten so much better since she moved in with us, Even B, her sister, has mentioned how she behaves differently. but everytime i try and push her behaviour to the next step of better, it's a constant struggle and i feel like i'm fighing with her all the time.

in the first few weeks when the most change happened it was easier because i had infinate patience, but i feel like i've used up all my patience and have nothing left to give. it's the same exact things over and over every day. and if i let up then she's won and once again J is getting exactly what J wants and is doing exactly what J wants to do and nothing else.

i'm sorry this post is babbling and hard to read. just so verry frustrated at the whole situation.

anything in the form of encouragement, advice, and "oh i've been there too!" would be ever so greatly appreciated.

am also open to opinions on how to handle this all differently and what i may be doing absolutly wrong.

at the moment, anything would be nice.

thankyou.

-alle-

Katey

September 27, 2004

First - what is CP - Cerebral Palsy?

Instead of "all or nothing" maybe there is a middle ground that will allow the girls to live together in your family while affording you the support you seem to need - and it should be covered under AAP as a required therapeutic support.

Ask for some or all of the following. Be prepared to be told no and to advocate for the sake of your family and daughters.

Tell the SW that you want to be considered for "wrap around services". This is where services are provided in the community by trained people pretty much on a daily basis. The services re therapeutic in nature and designed to keep children with their families while providing extra help and therapy.

Ask for one weekend of respite / week (or bi-weekly, or monthly) where she would stay with someone else from say Friday after school until Sunday evening. This gives you te needed rest to deal more effectively, a chance for your other daughter to be the center of attention once in a while, and a break for your daughter with CP who is probably feeling the tension building and may partially be reacting to that. Also, could be a chance for you and your significant other to relax and enjoy each other some.

If you have a famly therapist, ask the therapist for appropriate suggestions and ask for a letter to the SW stating the need, the reason it is appropriate in this case, how it would help, and any other information that the therapist feels would help your daughter and the family.

Remind the therapist that if the famly caves under the pressure, neither child is helped.

Good Luck , KC