Today you are 22! Happy Birthday!

Today 22 years ago they were preparing me for an emergency C-section. You were ready but things weren't going as we hoped. I was so impatient. I couldn't wait and your father was driving the nurses nuts. When I had went into labor, I had been cleaning the house. I took the bus to the hospital instead of calling your dad. The driver was so nice and even 'changed' the route to get me there quickly! You were born at exactly 12:58 pm. I couldn't hear you as back then they didn't just numb you from the waist down, they knocked you out completely! When I woke up you were there in a little bassinet next to me. I could see you and hear you moving around. The nurse helped me to sit up and then handed you to me. As the tears streamed down my face, I counted your fingers and toes, I looked at your little ears and traced your face with my finger. You were so beautiful, so tiny, so perfect and you were finally here. I couldn't wait to get home and raise you. To give you the perfect life, all the love, happiness, and necessities that you so deserved. And I had plans to. I had everything worked out. I was really going to give you that life. I'm sorry that it didn't work out that way, but I am not sorry for the decision to give you a new life. I love you. I always will and nothing or noone can change that. No one can make me feel bad about the decisions I made. I will be here. I will be waiting. And I will understand when and if you ever show up. Happy Birthday my son. I hope your wishes come true, your day is wonderful, filled with laughter, hope, faith, warmth, life and love. I wish you a lifetime of wonderful days. I love you. Mom I originally wrote the following for my son in 1987. It still applies today. IN TIME (copyright 1987) They promised that in time your memory would be pleasant. It wouldn't hurt as much as the years went by. They argue that I'd get along fine without you. That all your little traits or habits wouldn't hurt if someone reminded me of them. They promised that in time, I'd remember your sweet smile, your sparkling blue eyes or your enchanting laugh without crying. I'd get along fine. On special occasions, I'd only whisper "I love you" out loud where I only could hear it and it wouldn't matter. In time, I wouldn't miss you so much. In time I'd laugh inside as well as outside. It's a special day again. And as I sit here, my heart aching, tears flowing freely down my face and the hurt, pain and frustration of you not being here tearing me apart.. I know they lied and that I love you and miss you even more now. Happy Birthday. I love you, I miss you, and I cry for you always my son.