reach out or wimp out?

My name is Tere. I am a "Navy Brat" - meaning I was born into a Navy home ... relocating every 2-3 years. I found out I had a half sister at the age of 9, when my parents were separating. My father had requested that my mom not tell me that she gave birth to a baby girl 4 years before delivering me. But when my dad left our home - my mother started to expose her pre-marriage life to me. It was 1990 & we were watching Unsolved Mysteries. A reunion segment on the show was playing out & my mother turned to me: "What would you do if I told you you had a sister?" "Why?" "No reason ... how would you feel if you had a sister out there?" "Mom?" Then a story unfolds that I think is a joke at first. But the look in her eyes - the unmistakable void in her spirit as she answered my questions. In 1976 my mom found out she was pregnant & the father walked away from the situation. My mom spent 9 months living off of the kindness of friends & favors, then on July 10, 1977 she gave birth to Tonya Elizabeth. A plan had been put into action for a military family would adopt Tonya. They were a married couple with children & my mom thought this would pave a way for a better life for her daughter. Tonya would have 2 parents & siblings to raise her & care for her. Where as my mother was virtually homeless then. The couple & my mom knew that the adoption would run smoother if the husband stated he was the biological father. The paperwork reflected this & Tonya took her place in their family. 4 years later my mom was married & had me, but the emotions for her daughter Tonya have been with her since 1977 & with me since 1990. I have passively looked for her since then. Now I think I have an address. My mom has kept herself from searching because she doesn't want to interfere with her life/doesn't want to be shunned. I want to make contact with her. Whether or not we have different fathers - she is my sister. She & I are both products of interracial backgrounds. Half Asian/Half White. We were both raised in military households. We were both born in the Philippines & moved to the US with our families. Those similarities have been my burden... The way a military family is comparable to the life of nomads - constantly moving. The military is protective of itself & makes itself very inaccessible to outsiders. Now I have to ask myself if it would be wise to write to this address where my sister may be. Her adoptive parents said they would give her my mom's info when she turned 18 - now she's 27. Either she doesn't want to find my mom ... OR ... my mom has become impossible to find. My mom's last name changed, she moved from the Philippines & was relocated with the my dad 4 times for the Navy, then moved a half dozen times since then - so maybe Tonya has been looking in vain. So here I am wondering if me contacting her would end my sister's search or just be a painful notification for all involved ... as an only child, always dreaming of a sibling to bond with - I have to understand that she may not want that from me. I don't want to live with the idea that my mom's opportunity to express her love for her first born was merely thwarted due to lack of contacting her - so I feel that the best gift I can give her for being an amazing mother is to find my sister & reunite them. &, if by chance Tonya wants nothing to do with her ... I feel that if I'm the one that takes that blow, I can protect my mom from that pain ... leave her with her daydreams of that baby girl. ummm ... sorry about the length - I just have never really been so close to the possibility & needed to release.