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My name is Diana..
I placed a child ( A baby boy ) up for adoption back in 1976..I've tried over the years to locate him but with no luck because the adoption records were sealed...
Recently I found this forum and started another search here..I had a WONDERFUL SEARCH ANGEL come to my call...
In a very short time I had some information sent back to me and it
seems very promising..I did as I was asked to do. I sent a letter to the person thought to be my son and believe it or not I got a response back in 6 days...
He told me he was adopted, his birthdate, birth year and the hospital..So far that all matched, but more proof is needed which I have coming..
I can't tell you how surprised I was to hear from him I cried, I was shaking and couldn't even function for a short time..
I answered his email as honstly as I could..
He too said he was shocked to hear from me after all these years..
He said he has a wonderful family and has been very happy, which means alot to me....
This adoption did not come easy to me, but I knew in my heart it was the right thing to do at the time because of the circumstances.
Since I've emailed him back, I haven't heard anything back as yet, and I guess I'm getting alittle nervous...
I know it had to come as a big SHOCK to hear from me after all these years, but I just couldn't find him until ( hopefully ) recently..
I've prayed about this for many years and hopefully my prayers will be answered soon..
Right now I feel so alone..I feel like no one understands what I am going thru, but I know there are others going thru the same thing..
I guess my biggest fear right now, is that he may not contact me anymore and want no part of me, even if this turns out to be my son...
I wish things could have been different years ago, but it didn't turn out that way no matter how hard I tried to make it work..
There were alot of circumstances behind this adoption, and things that I had no control over..
I only hope that adoptees know how much most of us mothers love them..Loved them enough to give them a better life than we could of gave them at the time..The reasons for adoption placement is done for different reasons, usually a tragedy in someones lives, unplanned pregnancy or what ever the case may be...SOME OF US NEVER STOPPED LOVING THEIR CHILD..
There's not a day that goes by, a holiday or a birthday that I don't still think of my son, and it tears me up inside...I've lived with this for so many years and now, HOPEFULLY, my search is over and I hear from him again..
I thank my" VERY SPECIAL SEARCH ANGEL" for lighting the way for me..
Like I said, I feel very alone right now, and scared, scared he won't want any contact anymore..
I ask for your prayers that one day soon I will see my son again..
GOD BLESS
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diana2u wrote..Like I said, I feel very alone right now, and scared, scared he won't want any contact anymore..
I hope and pray you have a match.. I was able to sort whether it was a match or not by my non identifying information.. I was able to type up what I was sent by the agency (about the aparents) and email it to him.. As he said to me on our first phone call.. "You nailed it".
I think reunion is a lesson in patience.. So many emotions.. so many thoughts.. Such waiting and then nothing..
I know that place.. It hurt.. But what I did was try and put myself in his shoes..
Its such a meeting of emotions.. Or heck sometimes non emotions..
Two very different worlds colliding.. And so much expected from it..
One person may have done every bit of emotional work possible.. and then the other person may have never ever spoken about any of it..
One person is going to have to slow down and the other person is probably going to have to speed up..
No wonder there are so many difficult reunions.. I am always amazed at the ones that go smoothly.. I just sit and grin and say.. Good on them!
But we can not force this.. I know that for sure..
Jackie
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Congrads Diana if that is truly your little boy :) okay, young man, boy do I remember those mixed emotions well. Some I bet you never even knew existed eh?
That's wonderful, and patience is the key.......I keep telling myself that. My bson found me last year Christmas - it was the best present ever, but I've had immediate family trepidation since then and it's a myriad of emotions. I'm an emotional roller coaster ...and in less than 3 weeks from now, I will finally get to meet him after 24 years.......talk about emotional roller coaster again.........
((Hugs))) to you - Keep the faith!
Yea Jackie - I can't believe it's already 1 year since *that phone call*, and he found me.......and now, another year when we can meet once again.......
Pins and needles can't even begin to describe it........talk about my heart feel like it's going to explode........
I feel like I .......... can almost walk on water :)
Hello To All,
I'd like to take the time to thank you's for all the support I've been receiving, even the ones that sent me Private Messages..
I'm still waiting to hear from ( Hopefully) my son..I haven't heard another word out of him since the first
initial contact...I've written to him again, and emailed him again the other day, but still have heard nothing....You's are right, this is an emotional roller coaster..
I'm so full of mixed emotions right now; happiness, sadness, anger, lonliness, and the list goes on...
I know it's been almost 28 years now, but he never left my thoughts or my heart, and one day I hope he'll come to realize that, if I ever find out for sure he's mine...
I feel at times he may not want to have contact with me anymore..It has been alot of years and he did say he was shocked that I may have found him, because I guess he never looked for me..
I hope that any adoptees that read this knows that not all of us mothers are considered bad mothers because we placed a child up for adoption...Things happen in peoples lives, tragedys, unplanned pregnancies,family problems, ect., this does not make birth mothers bad people.. For some of us, it took alot of love and compasion for that child, to be able to let them go and have a better life than we could of given them at the time..
Some mothers may never want to find their child again or have any contact, BUT NOT ALL OF US !!!
I know some adoptees looking for their parents are heart broken when they finally find thier biological parents and the parents want no part of them, that is very sad, heart breaking and very cold..
Some of us searching right now would give just about anything to hear something from the one were searching for..A letter, an email, a phone call, a picture, ANYTHING !!!
My family closest to me, supports me in what I'm doing, trying to find my son..They know how much finding my son means to me, still, after all these years of not having him..
My search will continue.......
I ASK FOR YOUR PRAYERS in hopes that one day I will see my son again SOON.
Still anxiously waiting....
THANKS AGAIN FOR THE SUPPORT & GOD BLESS YOU ALL
Diana
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Hi Diana,
What a wonderful bmom you are. We adoptees need to hear that our bmoms always thought about us.
I am an adoptee who wished all of my life that my bmom was searching for me. I searched for many, many years and am now reunited with my bsiblings. Sadly, my bmom passed away before we could meet. But I did find out through some things that my bsisters said that she always thought about me and that gave me a lot of comfort.
Reunions are wonderful and yet so scary too. EVen though I had been searching and was the one who made the contact and thought that I was prepared - there was no way that I could have been prepared for the emotions that cropped up. It has taken me a long, long time to work through my feelings.
I can only imagine what your son must be feeling. Especially if he had not thought about searching. I truly believe though that even the adoptees who say they would not search secretly (and some times deep down) want to KNOW> But now that contact has been made he may need time to work through his feelings,
need time to work through how you will "fit" into his life.
I'll bet though that he is secretly very happy that you were searching for him.
Give him some time. I know patience is soo hard because you have wanted this for many, many years. But this is all new to him.
I will say a prayer that your reunion is a very happy one.
Hugs
Snuffie
Originally posted by snuffie
Hi Diana,
What a wonderful bmom you are. We adoptees need to hear that our bmoms always thought about us.
I am an adoptee who wished all of my life that my bmom was searching for me. I searched for many, many years and am now reunited with my bsiblings. Sadly, my bmom passed away before we could meet. But I did find out through some things that my bsisters said that she always thought about me and that gave me a lot of comfort.
Reunions are wonderful and yet so scary too. EVen though I had been searching and was the one who made the contact and thought that I was prepared - there was no way that I could have been prepared for the emotions that cropped up. It has taken me a long, long time to work through my feelings.
I can only imagine what your son must be feeling. Especially if he had not thought about searching. I truly believe though that even the adoptees who say they would not search secretly (and some times deep down) want to KNOW> But now that contact has been made he may need time to work through his feelings,
need time to work through how you will "fit" into his life.
I'll bet though that he is secretly very happy that you were searching for him.
Give him some time. I know patience is soo hard because you have wanted this for many, many years. But this is all new to him.
I will say a prayer that your reunion is a very happy one.
Hugs
Snuffie
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Hi again, Diana,
Just wanted to say that even though your son was not searching does not mean too much. I know that I had wished my bmom was searching for me too. But there are many reasons that this may not happen. When I was placed for adoption it was unheard of for someone to search. Some people also don't know how to go about it. And also men are much less likely to search.
There could be many reasons for this but it in no way means that he never thought about you or didn't want to be found.
Snuffie
IT LOOKS LIKE A MATCH !!!!
I did receive more info that I have been waiting for..
I emailed this to my (hopefully) son, and I got a second email from him...He said that all the info I have
given him to this point, PROVES MY CLAIM TO HIM, but needed more time to let this all sink in...
I've prayed for years for this moment, and the moment that I may be able to set eyes on him again...
This whole ordeal , has had me on an EMOTIONAL ROLLER COASTER...I've dealt with the lonliness, excitement, anger, the NO ONE UNDERSTANDS HOW I FEEL, just the whole ball of wax...
I never really understood how many emotions were involved in searching..This truly took alot out of me, and probably my SEARCH ANGEL too.......ha, ha, ha...
I'm thankful for all you's that supported me thru this..
I 've learned too see alot more thru the eyes of an ADOPTEE too..I have a personal friend of mine that I work with whom was adopted...I broke down in tears one night at work and she took me outside and had a talk with me about what was wrong..Then, is when she told me how she was adopted..She helped guide me thru some rough spots, and answered questions I didn't understand...
I told my son I'd give him the time he needed to sort out this thoughts and feelings about this whole thing.. It did come as a SHOCK to him, that I did find him.. Today is his 28th. BIRTHDAY !!!!!!!
I do hope that one day soon, he'll contact me again, and be willing to sit and talk, but for now, I just have to sit back and give him the time he needs...
I JUST COULDN'T FIND HIM OVER THE YEARS, NO MATTER WHAT I DID, I HIT A BRICKWALL, until a SEARCH ANGEL came to my call.....This search would not have been possible without her, and for that I owe her my GRADITUDE........
I'll continue to pray on this, and hope that all will end in a HAPPY REUNION..
I know I'll never take the place of the parents whom raised him and loved him all these years, I don't really think anyone could...
He said he grew up HAPPY and HEALTHY and has a LOVING FAMILY, and that means alot to me...
I still don't know what he looks like yet, I can only imagine..Maybe he'll email me a picture, who knows..
Thank all of you's, for your support, and I ask you to CONTINUE to keep me in your prayers, and that this is going to DEFINATLY be my son , I've been searching for......
GOD BLESS
Diana2u
TODAY IS HIS 28th. BIRTHDAY !!!!!!!!!