Should I??

Are you still with the bdad? I thought I read somewhere that you were. If so....what does he have to say about telling his parents? Are you not very close to his parents? Why would you not want to tell them? What do you think their reaction would be? Sorry so many questions.. Vanda Due 12/11

VKH's ?'s are the same I would ask. In my situation, my Husband tells his family absolutely everything about his life AND mine, private things I dont even tell my family!.. no matter how I feel about it. So you would want to consult with him first..but like V said, it depends on how close you are to them and how close you are to him. IMO ultimately it is his responsibility to do so but if you want to let him off the hook, that's your call.

yes, we're still together, it'll be 2 years in may. He doesn't want to tell them because he feels it's all done and over with now, and it's his business, not theirs. I think it's more of he's afraid his dad would've been disappointed in him, plus his dad really wants to be a grandfather, so theres no way his dad would've let him go through w/ the adoption.

Disowned, I can understand not *wanting* to tell his family esp. his parents. I was sick with dread to tell my family but the situation made it so I had to. They're still only semi speaking to me after a month..they're great people so they do what they have to do for my sake. But the news hit them like a dagger. I don't know if our relationships will ever be the same again. Do you feel pressured to tell them because you feel guilty? If you are very close to them, I can understand that keeping such a big secret from them would hurt alot. (hug) IMHO your bf is lucky to have the opportunity not to cause more pain for himself and his family. Ultimately YOU have to weigh the consequences of telling them.

I think that he needs to tell his family - or he needs to say that he is OK with you telling them. I do not think that going behind his back would be a good idea. As a birth father myself, I would strongly advise that he bite the bullet and tell them. I regret that I did not tell my family at the time. My birth son is now four years old and still I have never told my family about him. Now it feels like it is too late. If you have an open adoption like we do, you may find it particularly hard to keep under wraps. We had my family and our birth son's family at our wedding, you can imagine how stressful that was. I had never thought ahead to situations like the wedding when I decided not to tell my family. I felt my reasons were iron clad, but really they were lame and I was just too weak to admit that I screwed up.

Disowned, my husband's mom works at the school my little brother and sister attend. Well, word about us and the baby got out... mom-in-law told hubby she had heard I was pregnant, and he went so far as to tell her that I had just "put on a little weight" and everyone was jumping to conclusions. I don't know why these guys are acting the way they are, but I finally wrote Kim and Rod a letter telling them everything... it made me feel better, even if they never did really acknowledge it. I really don't have any advice for you, but I understand what you're going though if you ever want to pm me to vent.

I'm not too close to his parents. I mean, we'll be civil w/ each other, but we don't talk too often, his mom will invite me to get to know her some more, but I feel I've betrayed them so badly I could never have a relationship w/ them. If he ever does tell them, I know they'll be upset w/ a lot of people who did know. I feel extremely guilty for not telling them, this is their first grandson, I feel they have every right to know about him. Even though we didn't keep him, he's still their blood too. I told my parents, there's no way I could've hidden it. My mother tells me if I were to not have told her, it would be the unforgivable. I've decided not to be the one to tell his parents. If it puts a crash on their relationship, I don't want to be the one responsible for that. But I am going to encourage him to just tell them. They will find out about Zachary at some point, right? I'm afraid, however, if they do find out from somebody finally telling them (such as his sister, or cousin, or one of the ones who know) and they question me, I will tell them the truth.

Hi, I agree with number1 our daughters bfather chose not to tell his parents. He got another girl pregnant, she is raising that baby boy then of course there is my daughter. I really think that it is his place to tell them. If they find out accidentally he should be the one to step up and state why he made the decision to not tell. I also think that if you tell his familiy it may put a wedge in your relationship with him. It may create trust issues that you may never be able to repair. You did the right thing telling your family. It really is up to him to tell his own family. Take care, Maria

I agree, he should tell them. Its been 7 months and Josh still hasnt told the people he works with. It's his place to tell them, not mine... But... if they ask, then its okay to say, well... Here's what happened. I go to his work hoping they will ask so I can tell the truth and Josh will stop "lying". They still think she's home with us!