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My husband and I recently (september) got on a waiting list for a domestic open adoption. I am from a jewish background and my husband is from a christian background. we are working with a catholic agency who told us that my background isn't an issue. In september we were told that a couple was interested but that the birth father's mother had an issue with our backgrounds. This was upsetting but not enough to make an issue. Where I am having a problem is that my social worker does not return my phone calls and is off work at least one week a month (or appears to be as she has a very ill parent). We are supposed to have support meetings for the prospective adoptive parents at least one time a quarter and have not had a meeting since last summer. We had fired an attorney who had located three birth mothers for us withing two months because we were "sold" on the idea that open adoption is best and I still feel that way but I am very worried because we have spent two thousand dollars for birth mother counseling within that agency and have gotten no supports for ourselves. I will try and call the social worker one more time and if I don't hear back from her I may have to call her supervisor. I hate to do that as it will make things ugly.. any advise?
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Well even if you go through a lawyer, you dont have to do a closed adoption. That is really more for you and the birthmom to discuss what you are both comfortable with anyway.
I'd say if you were comfortable with the lawyer, go back to him, and still work it to an open adoption. IMO open is best, too.
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Many birth moms here on the boards have technically, 'open adoptions' despite living far away.
There are many reasons for this: Some people find the distance easier to live with. Some don't want their baby 'in their backyard'. Some like to be close and those people will not choose you.
I have read that the value of open adoption is the freedom the adoptee has to access the relationship with/ to be able to contact the birth family. I'm starting to think that the value for everyone in open adoption is the same thing. Being able to contact when needed. Not on a schedule. Not trying to live up to expectations. But this is all stuff that needs to be decided upon pre-contract arranging. And of course, communication. Don't forget to always communicate.
If you go for open adoption please be open enough to share your name, address, and # personally with the birth parents (no middle man).
I too would contact that atty again. I think (hope) that having a situation with the barebones payment plan would let you know where your money is going. Amount to atty, legal fees. Amount to medical/ psycological counseling for party A, B, C, etc. Amount for living expenses (if you do that, i dunno). Personally, that is how I like to spend my money (carefully).
I think you both need counseling ($2k for it though???? ew). She needs to understand the deep ramifications of her decision. The pain can be beyond belief. It can last for many years (grief being cyclic I guess). She needs to know it is OK to tell you how she feels (communication).
You need to know that you might feel grief too (your happy = her loss), that you can tell her how you feel after the baby is with you(this is really all complex but there's much to glean off the boards about this).
Hrm i feel all rambly ...
Good luck!
Maia
i'm sorry i wasn't clear about things... we have not been chosen by a bfamily at this point.. the $ 2000 goes into a general pool to assist with all counseling for the bmoms... the overall adoption costs are very reasonable $9000 verse the $30,000 amount the attorney wanted in florida. We are uncomfortable with bmom expenses as we feel that it puts a lot of pressure upon ourselves as well as the bmom... what is bothering me is that our social worker doesn't seem to be available as she had stated that she would be and has not returned our calls and that we have not had support group since entering the pool. Both myself and my husband have been through a training class and have both been in counseling related to our infertiliy and we are eager and emotionally ready to enter into an open adoption.